Finding Love After an Ostomy: A Heartwarming Story

Past Member
Sep 17, 2009 8:15 pm

A year and a half ago, I had an ileostomy done and became a widow at about the same time. I never thought that I'd meet a man willing to be with an ostomate. Boy, was I wrong!

I met the greatest man a month and a half ago while I was fishing. That's fishing for fish, hehe, not a man. We spent the day fishing side by side. He was a widower, and we became friends. I think I met my soul mate... I am 62, and this man makes me feel so loved and like a kid again. Meeting the right person is just so wonderful...

I wanted to share this with the group to give others hope. Never give up; you just never know where you'll meet the best partner of your life.

Past Member
Sep 17, 2009 8:55 pm

Nice story... Mat 4:19 And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.

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Past Member
Sep 18, 2009 10:47 am

Hi lovinglife. Your words are quite inspiring, and I am so very happy for you!

Sep 18, 2009 11:19 am

Hi LovingLife2!!!! Another love story! You go, girl!!!! Now, the big question, did you catch any fish???? And tell the truth, no 'fish' stories! Tee hee heeee.

Thanks for sharing your blessing; you deserve nothing but love and kindness. (Ah man, hope you caught some decent fish in the process!)


Sep 18, 2009 5:59 pm

It's never too late for a new love in your life. And the older you get, the deeper you may love someone.

When we are young, we tend to look too much at the outside and fall for the wrong person. What happened to you while fishing, happened to my greatest love and me, but over the phone.
I could never have met her while fishing because 1. I don't like fishing and 2. there is an ocean between us.

I am very happy for you, and please enjoy every single butterfly that tickles your belly and your heart when you think of and hold the one you love.

Love is in the air, let's all fall in love again

GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Sep 19, 2009 3:30 am

Fishing? I think you are on to something... I'm heading for Lake Hemet. Think I'll catch a fish?

Sep 19, 2009 2:17 pm

Hey there, I too am a widow. For as long as I have had my ileo, I still feel as if most men would be way turned off by our baggage. Ha! So glad it worked out for you. You are very brave. As for me, I haven't stopped thinking of my deceased husband as the only man for me. So until and if that changes, I won't know. You go girl!!!

Sep 19, 2009 2:58 pm

Good 4 u. I've not even had 1 date since my colostomy five years ago now. Just about given up. Nice to hear your story tho, gives me a little hope even tho I don't like fishing. My greatest passions are my family and then music if anyone's out there lol.

Sep 19, 2009 10:37 pm

If love is in the air, I hope some comes my way.

Sep 20, 2009 4:12 am

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a romantic at heart and just love to hear stories like yours. I do wish the two of you much joy and happiness. Enjoy being in love!

Sep 21, 2009 7:12 am

I so dreaded telling my boyfriend (at the time) about my ostomy. It was so beyond the fear of rejection because he would be turned off physically. I was so in love (not puppy love) as we were both 35 at the time. We had been friends for years. Anyway, when I finally got up the courage, he looked at me lovingly and said to me, "I've loved you since the minute I met you and I love you even more now." Wow, it felt too good to be true. We've been together ten years now and have a beautiful little girl! Yes, it is possible to find the love of your life with an ostomy! If people are truly in love, an ostomy is not a hindrance.

Sep 21, 2009 10:10 am

AWEEEE, now that is such a sweet romantic story Lovinglife2......and I think finding your soul mate is possible for all of us....and to find him while fishing, is the icing on the least you know you both love doing the same things...MMM!!! Fishing, love it...Here's a toast to you and your true love...may your years together be the best they can be..well done girl...Tara..

Past Member
Oct 22, 2009 11:02 am

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Just found out some things about this guy and ended it.

Past Member
Oct 22, 2009 8:08 pm

Sheesh... What things??? That he had unpaid parking tickets???? Surely you will not leave us readers hanging like this... Enquiring minds want to know...

Oct 22, 2009 10:05 pm

Awe no!!! How sad! And like MMSH says, if you feel like might help the healing too..was he a bit of a cad? Another family somewhere...Three legs? But hang on, was it actually a leg? Lol..sorry....trying to make you smile when you probably least feel like it...Did that make any sense to you then? Better go, I'm confusing myself now...But have faith...all good things come to those who wait...My heart goes out to you...Tara

Past Member
Oct 22, 2009 10:25 pm

Ok, I won't let you all hang. When I met him, I was told that he was a widower. Then the other day, he told me he was actually married for 15 years.
Excuse me... I don't think so... nope, I want no part of that one...
But I must say, I loved and enjoyed every minute that I had with him. But I am not getting involved with no married guy. Can't tell you how pissed I am that he didn't have the guts to tell me upfront.

Past Member
Dec 30, 2009 6:50 pm
I was single for over 8 months before I had my urostomy surgery. I've always suffered from slightly lower than normal self-esteem and fear of rejection. Then, since my urostomy surgery, I've all but totally given up hope of ever finding love again. It's not just the urostomy. Sure, most people could live with a bag attached to a mate. But what scares me into not giving myself the chance to meet that special someone is the fact that some nerves were clipped when my bladder was removed, and therefore I am not able to achieve an erection for the rest of my life. And of course, I'm convinced that no woman would be able to go the rest of their lives without intercourse. Sure, I hear all the time how there are millions of women out there who would not be bothered by my lack of an erection, and also lots of my friends remind me that there is more to sex than just intercourse. I know this. I hear this. But where are all those women? Maybe part of my problem is that I've been cheated on in the past a couple of times, which pretty much scarred my heart for life. What I mean is, if loved ones have cheated for "better sex" (that's all I could figure out as the reason they cheated) and I wasn't good enough for them then, why would I find a woman who would be happy with me as I am now? I lost a large portion of my trust. I keep telling myself that a woman might try to convince me that the lack of intercourse is NOT going to bother her, but I wonder how long it would be before they had "needs" and went out and cheated? It's for this reason that I hope and pray that I will meet my soulmate either in church or in an ostomy forum like this! Those two types, Christian and/or ostomate, would be much more likely to accept me for the person I am inside my heart and not judge me for what I'm not on the outside.

I know I'm a very good person. I don't cut myself down very often, but I certainly can. I can think of a lot of things a woman wouldn't like about me. But inside, I'm better than many of the male friends I've known for years. I've always been told I'm good-looking and have nice eyes. I write beautiful poetry. I do beautiful photography. I'm monogamous, I'm not a cheater, I don't abuse women, I'm not a pervert, I'm not a psycho, I'm caring, compassionate, gentle, romantic, trustworthy, honest, great with kids, I'm a church-going Christian, and the list goes on and on. See? I am a good person, and I deserve a good woman.

So what's the problem then? I sure can't figure it out. I've been a member of this site for a couple of years. I joined right after my surgery in December 2006. Then left for a month or so, then came back. Not once have I ever MET an ostomate from this site. I've chatted with ONE and talked on the phone with ONE, but 98% of the women who I've sent messages to never replied. And I figured this would be the perfect site to meet that special someone because they would understand what I have to go through for the rest of my life and that I'm NOT a freak of nature. But no such luck.

Not sure what I'm doing wrong, but nothing seems to be working. I've tried for the last 3 years to post personal ads online, but haven't met even one woman that way! It seems the minute anyone finds out about my urostomy, I never hear from them again. I'm too shy and embarrassed about my urostomy to go out to public places to meet women. Before my surgery, I never ever had trouble finding women. In fact, I didn't have to look for them, they seemed to find me. THAT is all history now.

So what do you folks do to meet that special someone? How do you tell them about your bag? How do you dress? I have worn nothing but sweats since my surgery. Jeans just don't work.

Maybe I need to go find a lake and start fishing! LOL! With my luck, I'd meet a "widow" who turned out to be married. Not funny, but that's how my luck usually goes too.

SORRY THIS ENDED UP BEING SO LONG! My fingers typed faster than my mind could tell them to slow down!
Dec 30, 2009 7:31 pm

Your story must have been very hard to write, thank you for sharing. I hope in some small way it has helped just doing that.

I think a lot of us have trouble in actually meeting someone as we are all so far apart - I know a few of us are struggling to find someone to just meet and have a coffee with locally, for support, never mind a date.

We still need an ostomate with an airline and a large hotel! Anyone out there?

I hope that one day you will find that special someone. Take care, Rachel x

Past Member
Dec 30, 2009 7:46 pm

Thanks for your kind words, Rachel. I know what you mean about so many of us living so far away. I find that the majority of this site's members live overseas, outside of the US. And my little rowboat won't quite make it, so I'm stuck in the NW corner of the US in the rain.

You're right, we need one bigshot with a huge hotel and private jets to fly us all in for weeks of all-expenses paid fun and fellowship. But until that happens, I guess many of us will drown in our lonely tears. LOL.

It only took me about 10 minutes to write that last post, my "story" because I type pretty fast and thank gosh I know what is on my mind before I even type. I do tend to ramble sometimes.

Reading all of the other posts gives me a glimmer of hope. I've tried to meet local ostomates in my area but none ever reply back to me. So, my never-ending search for love and companionship continues...

Take care of yourself.

Dec 30, 2009 8:08 pm

*Swings into the topic like a swashbuckling Errol Flynn sword in hand.* Hey hairball,

I just read your post, mate, and I can honestly say don't give up. I met my Mrs. online in a US chatroom. I lived in South Australia and she lived 1500 km away in New South Wales. So my point, to keep it brief, is that I had my first ileostomy before we met face to face and I was shitting bricks. We met, talked, and I never went back to South Aussie (only for a visit to family). Me and Jo got married and have been together since. That was 7 years ago. So don't give up and stop thinking you're doing something wrong, mate. Just be you..

*Swings back out of the topic (pinching Rachel's butt on the way out) sword in hand hiho

P.S. I found the coolest emotes hehehe.

Dec 30, 2009 8:11 pm
Ouch!! Again... again! xx
Dec 30, 2009 10:48 pm

I read your post and I am so sorry you are feeling down.
I can imagine it would be hard to deal with alone. I won't sit here and pretend to know what you're going through because I don't. I can however empathize with you and your feelings. Please remember, not all women are created equal. We don't all cheat and we aren't all assholes. LOL

We are here for you to talk to. Rachel is right when she said just typing it and "getting it out" might help you more than you realize.
You only gave the site a month before? If I misunderstood that, I'm sorry. Give it some time and don't be scared of rejection on here. We are all scared of rejection in here. LOL Actually, I'm more scared of a blowout...but I digress. LOL

Bottom line is this. We care, we are here to talk if you need it and more importantly.....
Steve is MORE than willing to whip his sword out and thwack those ladies on the noggin who have hurt you!!

I hope you have a blessed New Year and a wonderful evening!!!

~hugs~ Hannah

Past Member
Dec 31, 2009 7:35 pm

Thanks for the kind words, Gus. And I very much appreciate your words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. So far I haven't given up totally, but don't set my hopes up so high. You're right, it's bound to happen when I least expect it. That's really awesome how you met your wife. Good luck to both of you.

Again, even though I haven't given up ALL hope, I always find this pin quite amusing... (LOL!)

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Dec 31, 2009 11:37 pm
Loving Life2

Aw shit, its not that we ostimates don't have enough troubles and Its always heartbreaking when we hear stories like yours, but what kind of cad would not mention something so important, in any event don't give up looking for a real man, we're right behind you, don't forget. Ed Here's Gus backing me up when he's not doing the sword dance.
Past Member
Jan 01, 2010 4:21 pm

We ostomates must have something interesting about us! I say this because I noticed I've had 398 profile views since May of 2009 (yet only 16 were members). This gives me the idea that people out there have an interest in us folks with ostomies of whatever kind. Interesting to see how many non-members have viewed my profile. But as expected, not one member favorite listed me or winked at me. Apparently I'm more interesting to folks who don't want anyone to know who they are or who don't have an ostomy. Could it be that "normal" folks like to discover what it's like to live with an ostomy? Personally, if I had my way, I'd make my profile private to where only members could view it. I didn't come here to announce to the world about my urostomy. I came here to mingle with others who have their own ostomy of some sort. Oh well. Just something I noticed and amazed me. Has anyone else found it amazing how many non-members have viewed their profile? Could you just imagine how ironic it would be if a non-member was that special person who came into our lives that we've been looking for? LOL

Jan 01, 2010 5:28 pm
I think that maybe non-members may be those of us like myself who no longer have a full membership subscription and are free members - for instance, I receive mail and can reply to it, but am not able to send it. I also must admit, if I see someone new on here or if someone has left an interesting post then I will have a look at their profile to get to learn a bit more about them. My profile has been viewed on here over nearly 3000 times, so I must be a popular bunny (not on the dating front anyhow, even before I met my partner!) Wasn't sure I could send winks even, but now it seems I can! Sent myself one so it does work!

Not sure if non-ostomates would be interested and it is them who are reading our profiles, but there are some interesting sites out there on the net - I once mistyped this site and ended up at 'meetaninmate'! I expect that some of that could make for exciting reading.

Take care, Rachel xx
Jan 01, 2010 9:51 pm
That's right everyone, go out there and take on life. I'll be right behind you, watching your backs... and the ladies' butts as they walk away.
Past Member
Jan 05, 2010 10:33 pm
That's right everyone, go out there and take on life. I'll be right behind you watching your backs... and the ladies' butts as they walk away.        

Hey, thank you guys. Taking my back is really nice of you guys.  No, I am not giving up looking for that real man, soul mate... just chalk it up to life experience, learn from it, and go on.
Past Member
Jan 05, 2010 10:41 pm
Hey Hairball, don't you give up, not all of us women are alike.

You know what they say... "There are other ways of pleasing your mate" when you can't perform... and most women like that way more than the other.

You sound like you're a real sweet person, with a good gentle heart, and that alone speaks a lot.

Good luck in your quest for a soul mate.

I was lucky this week, one of my daughter's patients knows a lady with an ileostomy also, who lives in my area, and we're supposed to meet soon. I am looking forward to that, someone to actually meet over coffee and share. Plus, I have some supplies that I don't use anymore, so maybe this person can use them.
Jan 06, 2010 6:33 am

I'm still watching the ladies' butts hehehe