Well, actually, Dave, I didn't think you were suicidal, just tired of it all. It's taxing. But thanks for clearing that up. The farthest I got was that you go hypoglycemic first thing if you stopped. I didn't want to read the rest.
I had a discussion with my sister recently. She has gone through kidney dialysis and a transplant not too many years ago. She had polycystic kidneys. They also found an aneurysm, which we found out is a by-product of the polycystic kidneys. She said she didn't want to have the surgery, she didn't want anyone messing with her brain. In discussing it we both agreed she had the ultimate way to die. Real quick and not knowing what hit her. Only thing she was concerned about was it happening in front of her daughter or our Mom. The next day we looked it up. There was a 99 percent chance she'd be a vegetable, or have some speech impediments, walking, balance, etc. etc., instead of just dying quickly like we both thought was going to happen if she just waited for the thing to burst. Hmmm, there was a moral to this story, but I guess my mind decided it didn't need to be revealed.
As for Medicaid - it sucks big time. The only state I have lived in that it is the best thing and easiest thing to get was Wisconsin. Florida has this thing called "Share of cost" which covers nothing unless you are admitted to the hospital and accumulate a ton of bills. It never made sense to me why they wouldn't rather put people on straight medicaid and pay for the smaller "preventative" health care than pay thousands and thousands for catastrophe. Insurance has never made sense. I agree, it makes no sense they'd rather pay for a nursing home for you than the bags. But I also have to ask, since you are on disability, why don't you have Medicare ?
Anyway, hang in there. Cuss, stomp your feet, beat your pillows and cry if you must. It helps me.