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No one talks to me..... destined to be single

Posted by Mumof1, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:10 pm

Noone talks to me at all.

 

I have a feeling ill be single for life....

I came on here as had no luck meeting anyone near me and now nothing on here...

I give up

 

 

#its a rant 

 

I dont need bad advice or any to make me feel crap



Last edited by Mumof1 on Sat Apr 15, 2017 2:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
Reply by LadyHope, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 2:54 pm

Hello and welcome to MAO.  You came to the right place to meet others traveling a similar path.  I would recommend seeking out local support groups in your area....Although I am not looking for a relationship, new friendships are always great.  Since my surgery, I have met many wonderful ostomates, each with their own story to share.  I find the groups very helpful and fun.  Take care and good luck to you.  And, don't forget to keep posting your questions.  Sincerely, LadyHope

Reply by Mrs.A, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:45 pm

Hi Mumof1,

Why would you want to give up? The 1 in your name tells me you have so much to be thankful for as well as your life. Live life for you and the 1 you are the Mum of. As log as you are a Mum you are never alone. But ....

We're here if you need to chat, vent or hang out.

Reply by Mumof1, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:22 pm

I just mean give up the search for a male partner.

Im greatful for my child. 

Reply by Mrs.A, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:30 pm

Oh, okay. Well for me, I tend to find things when I stop looking. Sometimes when I know I have something and can't find it I just forget about it for the time being and sure enough, when I'm not looking there it appears!

I'm sure your greatful for your child, I just wanted to remind you that this is the person you might want to build your world around, the rest will fall into place.

Reply by Mumof1, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:38 pm

Ive been a single mum since she was born. I have ony started looking recently. Shes almost 2 now

Reply by Mrs.A, on Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:50 pm

Well I hope you find what your heart desires.

Reply by ChrisP, on Mon Feb 27, 2017 2:08 pm

Being a single parent of a pre-school child is a tough job at the best of times - of course you love them to bits, but they are so exhausting that you haven't energy left for much else, and you can feel you are going crazy for lack of sensible adult conversation! Add to that the 'complication' which unites us on here, and I can understand you feeling discouraged.

I'm sorry I have no smart answers to offer - I just wanted to offer sympathy, and echo the thought that 'success' is more likely when you aren't actually trying too hard - deep down you know you are better off as you are than hooking a 'wrong 'un'!

In the meantime, welcome to this community - we hope you find support here for at least one aspect of your life, and realise that in this, at least, you are not alone.         Chris

Reply by Ewesful, on Mon Feb 27, 2017 3:35 pm

IF you are meant to have a partner you will find him when least expecting -- that is often because you push too hard and no one wants a hanger -on.

 

Enjoy your life as it is and leayn to love what gifts you already have.  Then you will attract the right person because it is the real you.  Your ostomy has nothing to do with it. 

 

Do you have a church group, library group, sporting interest?  Find or search decent places to meet othere family oriented types...

Reply by Newbie Dana, on Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:22 pm

I know everyone says it will happen when you least expect it, but it really is true! For years I flopped at the dating scene. I finally looked at my life and was totally disgusted that I had basically put it on hold while waiting for my "Prince Charming" to come. I decided to change my life dramatically - I took a new class every 6 months to learn something different I hadn't considered before. I learned to scuba dive, to make stained glass, and to play the keyboard. I bought a house - just for me! I took mini-vacations by myself, exploring various plantation houses and Bed and Breakfast places (I lived in Louisiana at the time). Then my sister-in-law introduced me to a guy she knew.

I scuba dived, and he didn't swim. He had a private pilot's license, and I got airsick. Fortunately, we also enjoyed doing some of the same things, too - hiking, camping, exploring national parks. We dated for 5 years before we got married, but we have now been together for over 25 years, with 2 kids 21 and almost 23 years old. We've had good times and tough times, as any marriage does, but I can not imagine my life now without him. And he only appeared after I decided not to put my life on hold any more, and get out and live it! Or maybe it was that mindset that allowed me to really see the gem when I ran into it - and allowed him to see a confident, active woman, not a passive "Cinderella" waiting around to be rescued from life.

So, get out and take Kindermusic classes with your child. Or join the "Baby and me" exercise class at your local health club. Or take her to the library for story time. Or find a sitter and take a pottery class for yourself. Or whatever you are interested in. Keep exploring and expanding your horizons. Before you expect it, you will run into someone you can't live without. And if you never do, that's sort of sad, but not the end of the world - you can look back upon a life well-lived, a daughter well-raised and well-loved, and a whole pallette of experiences to look back on in satisfaction.

Reply by CharK63, on Wed Mar 01, 2017 7:41 am

Dear Mum,

CharK60, Charlotte, here. Excellent advice given to you by each responder but I know what it's like to feel lonely. 

However when you feel that way too hard you project to others a desperate neediness that may not be very attractive. 

I believe that is why you find more dates when you're not looking. That and the fact that partners want to pursue. If it's a sure thing it's just not as interesting. 

I'm 64 and talk about meeting someone but it's just talk. I really can't imagine having to make room for  a lover because I'm so comfortable where I'm at. 

But in  my case it doesn't work out that I have lots of dates because I never leave the dang house! I sure can't complain that I can't meet anyone. 

I'm talking almost NEVER because I take care of my elderly mother so I don't even have a job to go to and meet folks. 

So I suggest you pay attention to all this great advice and RELAX! Good things are worth waiting for. 

Also, I ,notice that your preferences for people you want to meet is very narrow and limited. That surely will affect how many responses you get. 

Finally, as much as we may not like it, dating is a game and requires some acting skill. The part you want to play amongst your real ones is : happy, fun to be with, independent (maybe) and somewhat aloof. Eeyore's "nobody likes me" won't get you anywhere. 

Good luck  

Charlotte

Reply by DonBrown1943, on Sat Apr 15, 2017 3:43 pm

Mumof1, I understand your loneliness. My wife and I have been married for more than 53 years, but we had some bad years in the beginning. We had been married about seven years and just had our second child. She suffered from severe post natal depression and we argued a lot because I didn't understand. Our income was very low so our arguments varied from money to jealousy. We were ready for a divorce when we both realised (independently of each other) that love is not a feeling, it is actions. How can I show my love? Only through my actions because feelings cannot be seen. When we realized that and modified our actions, the arguments stopped. Then we began to see love. We rebuilt from the beginning and made it solid and permanent. We both are blessed now in a wonderful life. This can happen to anyone if they realize actions come first, feelings follow. Keep us advised and just live the best life you can for you and your child. Happiness will show up somewhere along the way.

Reply by Mrs.A, on Sun Apr 16, 2017 8:17 pm

That's a great post Don! May you two continue in happiness, love and marriage!

Reply by DonBrown1943, on Sun Apr 16, 2017 9:03 pm

Mrs. A, there is more detail about our commitment to each other in my topic Near Death Experiences. I hope you like it. 

Reply by Mrs.A, on Sun Apr 16, 2017 9:32 pm

I'll check it out, thanks smile.

Reply by Foxmartin4, on Mon Apr 17, 2017 5:42 pm

I will be sumone to speak to i live in the UK P.s my name is Martin

 

Reply by SharronB, on Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:09 am

It will happen, just be positive, happy and grateful for the life you have now. Remember what you put out, that's what you attract.  Put out good vibes my friend & you'll never regret it :)

Reply by Lilly78, on Tue Apr 25, 2017 1:15 pm

I totally get it mum of1. My son is grown up now."46" life is quite lonely as my husband died aged45. Now i.m 66 & wish i.d have remarried years ago.i have lots of friends but missing hugs& cuddles especially at night.x

Reply by DonBrown1943, on Tue Apr 25, 2017 2:18 pm

My wife and I have been married more than 53 years. In spite of the new colostomy, this truly is the best part of our lives, mostly because of the constant touching and hugs and kisses at night. That is the best part of the night. I hope life gets better quickly for you.

Reply by spinbot, on Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:53 am

Don't underestimate the lengths a man with go through to be with someone they've fallen in love with.  "Lengths" also meaning great distances.  I met one of my past girlfriends, who I was ultimately with for 8 years, back in the early days of online chatting.  We had chatted online by text for weeks, then started talking on the phone and before we even met in person for the first time, I was pretty certain I was already in love with her.  Despite not changing countries or provinces, I still ended up relocating to another city, moving away from the town I had spent most of life in.  I was prepared to change my life so I could be with her.

I do believe that for woman it's easier to find men to be with, but finding the right man and one that wants to be with you for the right reasons is more challenging (as we can be shallow with one goal in mind).   Realistically, the guy still needs some physical attraction, but that can be so different from one man to another.  Some like small ladies, some like ladies you don't feel like you are going to break, some like a big booty, some like a large chest.  You really need to put some photo's up if you want to get serious inquires.  I should take my own advice, as I am looking only "Half" serious at the moment as I don't have any pictures of me, but my dog (or without sounding bitter, my Ex's dog) has a great head shot!  Thankfully we can take digital pictures as getting one acceptable selfie requires about 99 other rejected ones , one broken cell phone and a lot of swearing.  :)

If all else fails, then I will let you in on one of my excellent ideas for meeting woman (might work for men too ,but I can't be sure as I've never gave it any thought as I like smooth skin and all the other x-rated stuff woman have to offer)  :)

Idea 1: I go to the local library and slip a note with my name, number and "For a Good time call" inside every copy of "50 Shades of Grey" and its sequels!

I've also come up with some smooth dating profiles, however some of my friends seem to think this one might not get the right message across:

Single male, no kids, lives in basement with a cat looking for single female with no kids under 18 and that lives more than 400 meters from any parks or school yards.

(I sure hope you have a sense of humour and can tell when I am joking and when I am not as otherwise I might come across as some sex crazy pedo.  I can assure you I am not the later and only in my dream am I the former).  :)

You're at a great age to be a cougar.  Embrase it.  Have some fun.  Teach some younger man what a real woman is like!  :)

Reply by Angelicamarie, on Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:37 am
G'morning Mum of 1,why do you want to
Give up? Work on you, aren't you special ? It will
Happen, until then don't give up that's the easy way? Live !!!you have been given good advice I see!! Girl do u!!
Reply by James72, on Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:33 am
Message me :)
Reply by Mertle Dove, on Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:15 am

Hi Mumof1,

You sound just like me - all gloom and doom. Newbie Dana gave some excellent advice a few posts back and she’s absolutely right, but I do understand how hard it can be to actually do that when you’re feeling lonely.

Learn to love yourself and treat yourself the way you’d like someone else to treat you. The right man will come along, and don’t discount men who don’t have an ostomy, as if he’s really the right man he will undoubtedly accept you exactly as you are. Anyone who can’t accept it isn’t likely to be the kind and loving person you deserve.

Mertle

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