Some people have a severe case of the uglies.

I deleted this post as it was, in part, offensive to some of my good friends on this site, for which I do apologize. I appreciate their honesty. I was extremely distraught at what had occurred, more so because this had never happened to me before. I let my feelings get the best of me, and in this world, it is not a good thing. My bad!

Karen, is it possible that the father in your story misinterpreted your social distancing as racism? You were focused on the virus; maybe he was more focused on the BLM protests? Obviously, I wasn't there, but I wonder if it was more misunderstanding than ugliness. I have no rational  explanation for the incident in Florida, however. Sometimes, there just isn't one. 

Laurie

Sis said: "The black father was astonished by my move, and then saying something about me under his breath, he decided to turn around and walk by me again all the while maintaining absolute mean-eye contact. I social distanced again. He then proceeded to go back the other direction again but this time calling me all kinds of names I will not even bother to mention – in front of his two sons – possibly 8 and 10 years old. He continued to berate me for one and a half blocks, giving me the middle finger and swearing at me."

C'mon Sis........you know I LIVE for your posts......and I don't consider them rants.  Well......ok, I can't lie....sometimes I do.......but not always.  Damn, there I go lying again......ok, I always do.  Every time.  I call you my friend the Canadian Ranter!  See why I hate being so damn honest?  (Wink, wink)

Not sure what to say Sis......don't know what that guy's problem was, but I'm pretty sure I've given you the same treatment a time or two before we became family.  I think you just bring that out in guys!  ;0)

Oh, retract your nails.........I'm just teasing!  But I think you might have misinterpreted his reaction though.  Now I wasn't there, and I'm going on what you wrote........but it would seem to me he wasn't thinking about your reaction in terms of social distancing.  He was thinking about it in terms of how some whites stereotype black men......ie, as trouble and to be avoided.  The same way a white girl would cross the street to avoid walking past a black guy.  He judged your reaction as that same reaction, not realizing you we're trying to social distance.  He thought you were "racial distancing", not social distancing.  Unfortunately, he didn't realize that by doing what he did he just perpetuated the stereotype instead of helping to eliminate it.  Or maybe I'm totally off base.........cuz I wasn't there.......that's just how I read it from your description.  But it does sound like most folks you meet don't like you......do you have any obviously offensive tatoos we don't know about??? 

Hey, if I was there with ya I would have cold-cocked him for ya..........no one messes with my lil' Sis!  But maybe we should keep you at home a bit more and limit your exposure to other folks!!  I think Mom suggested that more than a few times......

Thanks for the ran.....errr.......I mean post..........thanks for the post Sis!

regards,

bob    

So Karen, Laurie is probably correct.  That guy's behavior was as wrong as you described it and there was absolutely no justification for it. So sorry you experienced it.  I'm fighting with myself on an hourly basis to refrain from politics and religion here and I feel like I'm losing.  You did well.

Mike

Mike, that's a battle I lost long ago. You're doing better than I am if you're still fighting. 

Laurie

Thanks, Laurie.  

Mike

PS:  A lady who used to spend time here had a similar experience with some random guy attempting to impede her forward movement.  She shared the contents of her bag with him.  What a Lady!

Bob are you and kmedup blood kin or do you just know each other from this site and just claim each other?

Thanks Laurie, Bob, Mac and all my terrific ostomate friends who always offer other ways of thinking. This was my Friday night massacre!

This instant took me by total surprise and after reflection I always remember what I tell my students. You have that wonderful thing called “choice” in your lives. You can make a bad situation worse or you can make a bad situation better. I tell them the real story of when I had to make a quick trip to the local Walmart. As I was waiting for a driver to pull out of a parking spot I gazed across the lot – not really looking at anything in particular and everywhere in general. Two tough looking women had just gotten out of their vehicle and were making their way towards me. All I heard was, “What are you looking a bitch?” Without thinking, I said, “Don’t flatter yourself,” and ended up putting the pedal to the metal and getting out of there. Now, I could have said, “My daughter lives quite far from me – in British Columbia - you remind me so much her. I miss her.” But I made my choice and had to run. Sometimes I look for teaching material and I hit the jackpot that night.

During the interaction today, I did not speak one word and after half a block of horrible cuss words and finger motions, I did something I have never done in my life before. I started recording it. As I got near the store doors, another lady was coming out and witnessed what was happening. The store attendant also took notice. The lady said that I should give the video to the police or the news. That was not my intention – ever – because two young boys were also in the video and I am a parent. It’s not their fault.

Now Bro Bob, who could have been my knight in shining amour - if it was just me and him, I would have asked what the problem was. I still have my “curling and fastball” muscles. I chose not to.
I am not sure what happened to make him react that way – maybe I reminded him of someone he knows and doesn’t like or maybe I just represented the concept of racism – like many of you had said. There is always a root cause to any situation.

For years I have worked with immigrant groups reestablishing themselves in Canada, and with Indigenous peoples – actually many different cultures. I was told once by a black woman, “You don’t see color do you?” So, you can see why this incident rattled me somewhat and will definitely be part of my teaching material. Racism never entered my mind – in Edmonton? No way! However, I live with this dratted virus hanging over our lives every day. Also, In all my years I have never seen politics in either of our countries – well, mainly yours, get so ugly, so divisive, so racist - and this virus fits right in the middle of all this incompetence. What are we leaving for our kids and their kids?

Bob – the string of words that came out of this man’s mouth were 10 times worse that the cuss words that came out of my cowboy dad’s mouth when he had to chase two young calves who were just spooked into the dense bush on our property, during a branding round-up.

On another note, Bob, I am now on the hunt for a "Minnie Winnie"  – my next seasonal retirement home, of which I need to pick up my Canadian friends with, and motor across the border to that barbeque in your back yard – you know, the yard void of kittens now, and beside that cool, old barn and by that time I sure hope you will have found that special someone – and I don’t mean one of your new hats.

Later,
Karen

Hi Lovely,

My mom spent some time in the states - the eastern states - before she met my dad - oh shoot that would make him older than me - just kidding. Bob is the Yin to my Yan or vice versa. Yin as Expansive, and Yang as Contracted. We seldom agree on things but he is just so likeable, helpful, and has wit and humor to spare. His time is generous giving ostomate advice to newbies and oldies.  Take care and be safe. Karen

Shoot, posted in the wrong spot- scroll down Bro.

That sounds like a full throttle Ruth Buzzi manoeuvre!  Ouch! Hey let's not tell Karen about that, OK? Don't want to give her any ideas!

Laurie

Karen,

Everybody is stressed right now. Politics, racism, covid, police behaviour  - all a volatile mix of anger, resentment, and pent up emotion - we're all walking around with our hands balled up into fists, ready to thump the first person who looks sideways at us. Nobody is at their best right now, so it's understandable if you're not either. The man in your story probably wasn't either. We are adrenaline fueled right now, with no end in sight.

My husband and I had a discussion this morning about all the police brutality stories that are coming out of the woodwork now. We give the police the authority to maintain law and order, but we really don't want to know the details of how it is accomplished. Now that we are being confronted with those details, and they look horrifying, we are understandably critical of the police. But maybe we need to bear some of the responsibility for what has been happening. Police work, I think, is an adrenaline filled job at times. We equip our cops with weapons, tell them that we expect them to keep us safe, but conveniently forget that they are human beings, with human failings, who are subject to the same fight-flight-freeze response to stressful situations as the rest of us. Is it reasonable to expect that they don't respond as human beings? What exactly do we expect? Let me be clear: I am in no way excusing abuse of authority, by police or anybody else. Some of the videos I have seen lately of police conduct, including here in Canada, are beyond shocking. But I am suggesting that maybe we have been more complicit (by omission) than we would like to believe, and we need to start asking some tough questions about our own expectations. I am glad that we are starting to have those conversations now.

Laurie

Poor manners/parenting/poor excuse for a human being! I don't think for 1 minute it was anything to do with him thinking you was racist......Unfourtuntley we get those kind of people over here in the Uk white people included in all age groups and expect every other country in the world too 

Hi Laurie,

Correctameundo! Pus mental health will now be a major concern. It will not be a “hush topic” anymore as it will affect all of us in different ways. Parents are starting to realize just what goes into caring for and teaching their children, for full days - not just before and after school. Our medical teams put themselves into harm’s way every day for us.
Before all this happened, I was one of those people who spent 5 full working days - many on the road - only to slump into a relaxing stupor for two days before I would start the week all over again. And that was after I became an empty nester. Time to reflect was scarce. I still put in at least 4 days of work but zooming at home is a totally different story. I enjoy getting up and preparing myself for work rather then throw on a nice top with PJ bottoms.

I look back over my life and wonder how I did it when the kids were young - managing a home, working and raising kids. Most of those days had to be adrenalin-filled as I get exhausted thinking about it. Now that I am older, and do not have as many daily responsibilities except for me - I am noticing more around me. Like Panther says, the resulting rudeness could be a lack of parenting skills or frustration with having to parent all day every day.

Hmm – I have an entrepreneurial ides – developing a continuing education course on Coping Skills – ahh I am trying to retire but my brain keeps thinking. On the other hand, one of my US college friends sent me this link as he knows I am a life-long learner.

This mega-popular "happiness" course, is available for free online through Coursera. Laurie Santos, a Yale psychology professor, created a “happiness” course called "The Science of Well Being," Much of our happiness stems from cultivating healthy practices and routines. Students were lined up around the block. Is no one happy anymore? Now, with Covid – 19, this dramatic reorientation of your life might actually give you an opportunity in the coming weeks to rethink your daily rituals and therefore rewire your brain toward a happier life. Anyone can audit the course for free, and $49 lets one complete assignments, submit them for a grade and earn a certificate of completion. Looks like something for me to audit in the fall. Does anyone else have ideas such as this one?

I have also been thinking of volunteering. We have an organization Alberta-wide whereby we pick up prescriptions or groceries etc. for people who cannot. Time to give back a little – still being careful, mind you. I can count on my two hands how may business establishments I have actually been in in the last 2 months as everything has been curbside.

My Red Hatter (yup I am one of those red hat ladies who pay to play) group meets now and then in a local park with bring your BYOC (Bring your own coffee) and lawn chair. I use Bailey’s for a whitener. It helps to realize that EVERYONE is dealing with this change in lifestyle. We whine in unison.

Back on track now - Our grandparents and parents and even our children have and are still fighting wars/battles for us, food was rationed, fuel was scarce and sons and daughters were lost, and now, we cannot even respect using preventive measures to flatten the virus curve. Hopefully this time in our lives is making us think of many things, other than “me, myself and I” and just maybe we will be better people for this. The BLM movement is just the beginning.

Now for my daily outing … which drive-through coffee shop should I visit today, in a smaller town outside of my city.

Most importantly, I give thanks that I have somewhere to blog - like on this site - and I have friends here who put up with me. “I calls them as I sees them.” Yes, I have an ostomy but that struggle is way down on my life list. I have free supplies to give away but nobody wants them. 10-15 boxes of Coloplast – 15470 – closed pouch - 30 bags per box.

Oh yeah - I am watching Schitts Creek on Netflicks - in a weird way the funny is so 'smart.'

K

Problem is, we don't seem to be able to distinguish who the real racists are. Is it the person assuming the worst about someone else ?  Maybe it's the person who recites statistics without realizing the real factors that create those statistics are not always black and white ?  Or how about the person who honestly believes that being "colorblind"  is NOT racist? We should all recognize the differences.  Or maybe, it's those who believe that affirmative action caused this backlash?  But being told that white privilege has created an entire generation of racists is unfair, too. Why must we always assume the worst case scenario about our fellow human beings?  Unfortunately that is probably because we keep proving those questionable beliefs are still so deeply ingrained that we will never REALLY get over it.  We have not learned that statistics are not static  We have not learned that words hurt.  We have not learned that FACTS MATTER.  We have not learned that actions have consequences.  We have NOT learned that we are equal. That is probably because WE are NOT EQUAL.  There is an awful lot of misunderstanding and misdirection out there and it's ALL ugly.  Unfortunately those who are aware and concerned citizens are bearing the brunt of the uneducated, and the angry, and the self righteous, and the simply foolish.  Hang in there and BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.

PEACE,

Nancy

So Nancy, you're probably correct in all you just offered but how would I know? That makes you even more correct because lots of us, maybe most of us, don't even know what defines a racist. If our actions were a result of our feelings then we might need some education to change our behavior. But, if our actions were dictated by our education, we might need to question the integrity of that education. A lot of what makes us the persons we are is what we feel and a lot of our feelings weren't taught. We can't be taught to love someone; especially our neighbor as ourselves like the Church teaches if that neighbor is just a jerk. We could be taught to accept someone into our lives even though they're different and we might even learn to respect their differences. But racism and the hate that usually defines it is taught IMHO. Please believe that I know a lot more about this than I'm able to offer and I'm working on it.
Respectfully,
Mike

Here I am wasting all this time and energy in trying to figure out where it all came from. Hours upon hours I spent wondering what came first and what there was before the beginning. Then there's the God thing, or not. Then I read this stuff you folks write here and I realize I'm wasting precious time. Who cares about how we're affected by what might've happened 36 billion years ago? How we're affected by what happened yesterday, last week, about four years ago, about four-hundred years ago has significance. I should care about how I treated a neighbor, a friend or stranger and how my behavior affected them. I should care more about that than how their behavior affected me. I need to find a mirror that reflects deeper than the skin. Granted, ignorance is bliss but few of us are stupid enough to simply ignore our own bad behavior and grin our way to a followup dumbass gesture. I think the most important aspect of life and living is how we feel; not so much physically but emotionally, then spiritually if possible. Being happy with who we are might be the greatest human accomplishment. We can't rely totally on our surroundings to make us happy and we probably have limited ability to change those things that don't work for us. We can change ourselves pretty much though that could be as difficult as any known task.
Who knows? Karen might see me on the next episode of “Schitts Creek”.
Mike

Mike, I believe you are right.  It IS those exact experiences that form our beliefs as we live. But I think that our beliefs are absolutely influenced by years of indoctrination.  I also fear that that indoctrination influences our feelings perhaps more than it should because our experiences are not universal and those experiences influence our behavior at least as much as our education.   Here in NC we seem to be unable to recognize that the integrity (or lack thereof) of our educational system is contributing to this major influential status quo among our residents.   But I also believe that our personal feelings have a greater influence in our eventual behavior than an educational enlightenment.  However, our feelings could also leave us with confusion caused by misunderstandings of things such as cultural differences.  We learn to fear, we learn to react, we learn to hate. And it seems that no amount of education can mitigate feelings caused by an interaction, good or bad.  Recently with everything that is happening in ole southern Raleigh, North Carolina, my husband and I have been discussing this with a few of our neighbors.  The irony here is that we received seven different ideas on what racism is from seven different people even within the same household !!.   It is not easy to understand exactly what racism is, mostly because everyone seems to have their own interpretation of what constitutes racism.    I fear we have so much more to learn that I will not see the benefits of that education in my lifetime.  :-(

PEACE

Nancy

Nancy, you WILL see the benefits in your lifetime! We are seeing it now. The unrest we are seeing is the result of asking questions, and that is precisely what needs to happen in order to bring about change. Heraclitus was right - everything is constantly in flux; that is the natural order of things. Look long term. I am buoyed by how the Tulsa rally got rolled by teenagers. I think they are going to have a profound influence on politics in the future. Every now and then, a generation turns the world on its head. I am looking forward to seeing that happen again. Strap yourself in, Nancy! We haven't had a ride like this since the 60s!

Laurie

Mike, time spent thinking is never wasted. Whether we find all the answers or not, thinking is what allowed our species to crawl out of the sea. (Or Schitt's Creek). We are rational creatures. We have the ability to think about how to make the world a better place; you are choosing to do exactly that. Your answers may be different than the next person's, but your answers contribute to the whole. I applaud you for having the courage to ask yourself tough questions. 

Laurie

Hi Laurie.  Thanks for your kind comments.

Mike

OK, Laurie, but even Aristotle and Plato both held that Heraclitus' views were both extreme and incoherent. Plato in particular has determined much of the evaluation of Heraclitus' statements.  Maybe their evaluation was formed by an awareness of human nature?   I would love to believe Heraclitus' thoughts that everything is and is not at the same time... but to me that is the incoherent part of his beliefs, (well one anyway), and that opposite things are identical, but unfortunately I only believe that everything is constantly changing.  We SEEM to be willing to accept the possibility of opposite things being identical, but then would that acceptance lead to a loss of individuality?  The idea is a bit too simplistic, even if desirable.  I'm afraid I'm leaning more towards his belief that "you can't step into the same river twice."  Assuming that the river remains the same, but that the ripples of the water are constantly changing, and with America being the example, have we not already splashed here numerous times in the past, unsuccessfully?  I will hold onto his belief that no two situations are the same (the ripples) so I will not lose hope that 2020 is NOT just another "attempt" at improvement, and so the outcome is NOT preordained.  However, judging from the 60's, 70's, 80's, 2020-----we seem unable to be educated on this particular issue.  I fear Americans do not agree with Heraclitus' belief of maintaining individual identity, even through change.  We fear "losing" ourselves, but if we are not really open to change, then we set into motion more of a vortex of unfullfiled dreams and promises rather than opening a door to opportunity.  The circle is dizzying.  I LOVE the involvement of youth in Tulsa, as well as the youthful involvement after the shootings in Parkland, Florida.   It fills me with hope.  A personal friend who went to school with my husband, was awarded the Pulitzer Prize (editor at South Florida Sun-Sentinel) for his direction of his staff coverage of Parkland, and his involvement has continued with this movement past his retirement.  America's youth MUST stand up.  They ARE our hope.  I DO have faith that the generation of generations is out there just waiting to enact a life that encompasses everyone.  I will take your advice and "strap myself in" hoping that the change is enacted and not just promised, before I die.  And I will help to BE THAT CHANGE.

PS  Laurie, I did not know Heraclitus' philosophy and you made me look him up and read something new.  Thanx for expanding my horizons.

PEACE

Nancy

Nancy, yes I am cherry-picking from Heraclitus. But the job of the pioneer is to forge a path; those who come after have the task of tidying it up. So I think it's OK to say I like one part, but maybe another part doesn't resonate. (I don't always agree with Aristotle and Plato either).

I think it only makes sense that only flux exists, whether or not we are open to it. We can go willingly, or be dragged kicking and screaming. I know which I choose in this situation.

Women's rights, LGBTQ rights, middle class, penicillin, lunar landing - none of this would have happened if someone hadn't said "Hmm... I wonder what would happen if we stepped outside these confines?" Flux. Questions. We need it.

I am enjoying conversations with you, and I am saving a seat for you when we strap ourselves in! Hey, weren't you and I driving the bus the last time this happened?☮️

Laurie

Laurie,  DITTO.  You make me think which is USUALLY a good thing.  You and Karen are GREAT bus drivers. I'll crash us. ;-)

Nancy

Well, of course we need Karen to help drive the bus! She probably knows how to use a GPS, with all the snow blindness, living north of the arctic circle, as she does. I think there are several more on this site we could pick up too. Ours will be an inclusive bus. It's going to be an interesting ride. 

Laurie

Ahem.........is it just me......or are the rest of you folks getting a "Thelma and Louise driving the Partridge Family bus" scenario in your head from all this??

;0)

bob

Hey Bob,   I'm just a merry prankster, but we could use a Ken Kesey.  You in?

Dadnabbit

Norma Rae, Erin Brockovitch and Karen Silkwood commandeer the Millennium Falcon! 

Laurie

Here is a saying I found from Ken Kesey There are going to be times when we can't wait for somebody. Now, you're either on the bus or off the bus.

Dad........you read my mind!!  

;0)

bob