The local "Hog For Bargains" grocery store was one of a select few picked by a manufacturer of a new brand of toilet paper that had yet to be named. The manufacturer asked the selected stores to hold a contest asking customers to try a free 4-pack of the new toilet paper. The customer was to return no later than 3pm on July 31st and submit a name for consideration based on the customer's review and feedback of the new product. If the customer's suggested name was picked as the winner, a 1000 prize would be awarded. In addition, the manager of the particular store where the customer shopped would also receive a 1000 prize.
As you can imagine, this generated quite a bit of excitement among the customers and the store managers. One of the customers who frequented "Hog For Bargains", who was known as Old Harry, was cantankerous and generally disagreeable with everyone. It took quite a bit of coaxing on the part of the store manager to get Old Harry to participate. The manager reasoned that the more customers he had in the contest, the better his chances would be of winning 1000 for himself. After about 10 minutes of back and forth, he finally got Old Harry to agree to participate in the naming contest. Old Harry got his free 4-pack and was reminded that the contest ended at 3pm on July 31st.
The big day arrived and many suggestions had been turned in. Some of the suggestions for the new product were names like "Floral Fields of Fragrance", "Nature's Touch", "Cottony Delight", "Soft and Soothing", "Wipe N' Clean", "Caress", "Pamper Butt", etc.
As 3pm approached, there was still no sign of Old Harry. Finally at 2:59pm, Old Harry sauntered in the door, walked back to the contest table, and slammed down 3 unused rolls of the 4-pack. The manager was a little surprised and asked Old Harry what was wrong.
Old Harry said,"Didn't like it."
The manager said, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. So I guess you didn't bother to suggest a name for it then?"
Old Harry replied, "Yeah, I've got a name for it all right."
The manager said, "Well what would that be?"
Old Harry scoffed and loudly stated, "I'd call this stuff John Wayne toilet paper."
The manager was slightly taken aback and said, "John Wayne toilet paper? Why would you call it that?"
In an even louder voice, Old Harry said, " Because this stuff won't take shit off of anybody!"