The Living Years

Henry’s post about Grandfathers had some wonderful messages. For those whose relationships with their parents might’ve been less than ideal there’s a song that tells the story of the regrets. Originally recorded by Mike and the Mechanics, “The Living Years” offers some advice for all who are willing to listen. It’s a beautiful melody but sad message. My favorite rendition is by the Glee Cast.
It’s worth Googling.
Mike

I did, thanks Mike; it brought tears, more so, in that I lost my mother 5 months ago. I was lucky though, as we told each other almost everything.  Just, K.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bO8fBUNV6lY

So sorry for your loss, K,  but happy for the relationship you had.  Thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,

Mike

Ultra poignant. Matched in general misery by Bob Dylan's divorce album, Blood on the Tracks. "If You See Her Say Hello" seems like the saddest thing in the world. The ability to love and be loved is not inherited, it does not run in the blood but is passed hand by hand over the years by parents to their children. 

"The ability to love and be loved is not inherited, it does not run in the blood but is passed hand by hand over the years by parents to their children."  I absolutely love your statement. Just, K.

Hi Bowspirit ... can I have your permission to use your statement ..."The ability to love and be loved is not inherited, it does not run in the blood but is passed hand by hand over the years by parents to their children," in a memorial piece I am writing for my mom.  Just, K.

Yes, of course. Mother's are very special people. Sorry to hear that your's passed away recently.

Hi Mike,  This song (Mike and the Mechanics version being the only one I've heard) has long been one of my favourites and I get emotional every time I hear it.  Since I lost my mother at a young age (fourteen) and went through the usual survivor's guilt (I should have been a better daughter, told her I loved her more, been more helpful) I swore I would never let that happen with my dad, even though I always had a difficult relationship with him.  My mum always said it was because we were too alike and she was probably right.  I was fortunate that he lived to be 98 years old and even though we continued to butt heads on lots of things, there were many years where we were more like good friends than father and daughter.  Then inevitably I became more like the parent and he the child for the last couple of years.  I told him I loved him often and tried to be the most help I could especially in those last few years.  I have still been left with some guilt that I didn't do enough and wasn't as good a daughter as I could have been.  I think it's part of being human.

Terry

Hi Delgrl.  The guilt you feel is part of being human; a good human.  Make it go away by basking in the satisfaction of having such a relationship.  It's a blessing you deserve.

Respectfully,

Mike

Thanks Mike.  I often wonder at people who complain about their parents, and hope they will develop some appreciation before it's too late.  We are so lucky to have them for as long as we do, whether that be only a few years or many.  

Sincerely,

Terry

Hey Mike---

I've always loved this song, and tonite I find it especially poignant as well as pretty appropriate.  It reminded me that we all recognize and feel personal and familial loss, it's the cost of loving.  On August 15 just past I lost my aunt, my godmother, my friend, from a stroke. She was also 87.  I was speaking on the phone with her when she had her stroke, and I had to call her neighbor to please check on her and then get the medical help that she needed.  She was in the hospital for nine days unresponsive, and I was tasked with the decisions of her care, her end of life directive. Because of covid 19, I was unable to fly from North Carolina into California.  I got permission to be tested, but the results were too long in coming and the restrictions required that I quarantine for 14 days if I chose to fly into Sacramento. It was HARD to be unable to do anything, to be able to see her as she suffered this medical emergency.  For almost six years, we spoke almost daily. I had been trying to get her to accept that she needed to move out here by me, or into assisted living and she was trying to convince me to move out to her in California with my husband to be closer to her. I hate that I could not be with her, and I felt the loss deep in my heart when I got the 6:15 am call on the 15th that she had passed.

There are those who touch our lives that evoke that same feeling of an almost insurmountable loss. If only we could learn to adapt these feelings to all of humanity, even those with whom we disagree.  Today America lost a true icon, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  Her life and legacy are simply unmatched in the gender wars that she had fought for the rest of us.  She LIVED speaking her truth to power.  My respect for her is immense.  I don't really believe in monuments to honor the achievements of men/women because we often unfairly expect our idols to actually BE false "gods".   Everyone has foibles and we all make mistakes but it is often only after we bestow our honors upon others that we discover these things and then we are confused about our adoration.  We all also suffer the judgements of society and the whims of changing times, as America is witnessing in our present time.  I must admit, however, that I actually might agree that this woman deserves the honor of recognition for her achievements.   I would prefer it be in the form of legislation that continues to protect the rights of women that are being stripped away as we speak.  This country will miss her more than we even recognize at this point, and I fear the loss may be felt for a very long time.  RIP RBG

Sorry to have gone off on a tangent, just on my mind and the song took me there...

PEACE

Nancy

Hey Mike---

I've always loved this song, and tonite I find it especially poignant as well as pretty appropriate.  It reminded me that we all recognize and feel personal and familial loss, it's the cost of loving.  On August 15 just past I lost my aunt, my godmother, my friend, from a stroke. She was also 87.  I was speaking on the phone with her when she had her stroke, and I had to call her neighbor to please check on her and then get the medical help that she needed.  She was in the hospital for nine days unresponsive, and I was tasked with the decisions of her care, her end of life directive. Because of covid 19, I was unable to fly from North Carolina into California.  I got permission to be tested, but the results were too long in coming and the restrictions required that I quarantine for 14 days if I chose to fly into Sacramento. It was HARD to be unable to do anything, to be able to see her as she suffered this medical emergency.  For almost six years, we spoke almost daily. I had been trying to get her to accept that she needed to move out here by me, or into assisted living and she was trying to convince me to move out to her in California with my husband to be closer to her. I hate that I could not be with her, and I felt the loss deep in my heart when I got the 6:15 am call on the 15th that she had passed.

There are those who touch our lives that evoke that same feeling of an almost insurmountable loss. If only we could learn to adapt these feelings to all of humanity, even those with whom we disagree.  Today America lost a true icon, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  Her life and legacy are simply unmatched in the gender wars that she had fought for the rest of us.  She LIVED speaking her truth to power.  My respect for her is immense.  I don't really believe in monuments to honor the achievements of men/women because we often unfairly expect our idols to actually BE false "gods".   Everyone has foibles and we all make mistakes but it is often only after we bestow our honors upon others that we discover these things and then we are confused about our adoration.  We all also suffer the judgements of society and the whims of changing times, as America is witnessing in our present time.  I must admit, however, that I actually might agree that this woman deserves the honor of recognition for her achievements.   I would prefer it be in the form of legislation that continues to protect the rights of women that are being stripped away as we speak.  This country will miss her more than we even recognize at this point, and I fear the loss may be felt for a very long time.  RIP RBG

Sorry to have gone off on a tangent, just on my mind and the song took me there...

PEACE

Nancy

  DADNABBIT is proving appropos as a handle, no?...my tech skills are obviously challenged....

PEACE

Dadnabbit

Sorry Guys, my fingers got happy and posted more than once....

Dadnabbit

Thanks so much, Nancy, for sharing your thoughts and expressing your feelings.  I'm sorry for your loss but happy with the relationship you had with your aunt.  I think you should have absolutely no regrets with your involvement.  Actually, you should be proud of your efforts. I'm sure she cherished the love you offered.

Just my opinion,

Mike