Ostomy Memories of Dreams

On a shelf just above my head sits a brand-new copy of THE INTERPRETATION OF DREAMS by Sigmund Freud. It has rested there for months and I’ve yet to muster the courage necessary to pull it down and start to read it. Of course, some night dreams are fairly obvious. If you’re having dreams of committing acts of deviate sex, or violence against others, then I highly recommend that you see a mental health professional as soon as possible. My dreams are too mundane to warrant any kind of expert analysis. I’m wandering around a parking lot, looking vainly for my missing car. Or I’m in some endless school corridor, in search of the assigned classroom, knowing that I’ve not done my homework or prepared for the day’s exam. I don’t need the famous psychoanalyst to tell me these dreams signify a perception that there’s something missing in my life or that I’ve failed in some way. Then, there are the potty dreams. I’ve had this ileostomy too long to remember if I experienced potty dreams pre-surgery. But I’m forever noticing that telltale bulge just below the waist and looking for an acceptable bathroom in which to empty. There’s always something wrong, though. The place is as filthy and smelly as a French Quarter pissoir, or none of the stalls have doors, or they’re all occupied, or something else is preventing me from relieving my discomfort. Then, I wake up, and voilà, I really do have to go. The facility with which the body and the brain communicate, even while asleep, is extraordinary. But sometimes I wonder if dreams aren’t more all-encompassing than we think. There are times when I feel that my whole life is some kind of dream, and I hope that whoever is having it doesn’t wake up too soon.

I've had some really crazy dreams in the past. When I'm not happy, or having a bout of depression, they are usually nightmares where I'm in a fight. I always win these fights I'm in, and they are always with somebody I used to know. Or, I wake up talking or yelling loudly, but the words don't make any sense. When I hear myself, they are just sounds.

When I am happy, and life is good, I have great dreams about riding motorcycles or seeing old friends from the old days. In all my dreams, I don't have stomas. One thing I find fascinating is that if I'm having a wonderful dream and I wake up, I can nearly always go back to that dream and continue it, even if I wake up and need to go to the bathroom to empty. I can still go back to that same dream by thinking about it as I go back to sleep. Of course, there are bad dreams too, where I don't want to continue thinking about it. When that's the case, I usually have to get up and go watch a bit of TV before I go back to sleep. Dreaming is a strange thing; it can be both good and bad.

Hello HenryM.
Thanks again for another 'memorable' post. I have always thought of dreams as an extension of ‘free-range’ thinking. From an early age, I set about taking control of my dreaming processes and managed to develop techniques whereby I could control my dreams in a similar fashion to the way I control the writing of stories in my books. The dreams then become a ‘creative’ process, rather than an uncontrolled experience.
Best wishes
Bill

Needless to say, I tried to capture the concept in verse- - so you have given me yet another opportunity to share a long-lost rhyme on the subject:

IN MY DREAMS.
I can love, I can hate
and control my form and fate.
Whilst there I share and innovate,
mend and bend and reinstate.

I go anywhere and do anything,
actor, banker, craftsman, king.
I laugh and cry and sink and swim.
Things done without – are done within.

I can raise my self-esteem
and make things ‘be’ how they should seem. 
I miss the bliss of wistful schemes
when once awakened from my dreams.

                                      B. Withers 1994

The fact that you can return to a dream after a wake up sounds unusual and something to be envied.  I think that I've done that, but I can't swear to it.  But I totally agree that the dream life is about as strange as it gets.  Sometimes I think that, if there is an "afterlife," it'll be like a dream.  I'm on a bike often too, usually my old Triumph (but not always).

Another fine poem.  You gotta love a guy who says "whilst."  

My Ostomy Journey: LeeAnne | Hollister

I have the bathroom dreams too. I cannot find a nice, clean bathroom stall to empty my bag in; the stall has no door, or the toilet is already overflowing with poop, or will not flush. While I am searching, my bag becomes bigger, filling with poop, ready to burst! The other strange dream is that I enter a public bus naked and just calmly walk down the aisle to my seat, hoping no one saw me. In my dream, I have no ostomy...

I suppose Freud would say that the dream means that, if you could be without ostomy again, you'd walk down the aisle of the bus naked.  Question:  would it be worth being arrested for indecent exposure?  LOL

Henry, bear in mind that Freud is not exactly relevant anymore. He was the pioneer: the purpose of the pioneer is to blaze the trail. It is the job of those who come after to tidy up the trail and define its parameters more clearly. The trail is much tidier now that so much time has elapsed since Freud was in practice. If you read the book, I would suggest you take it with a grain (or two) of salt. Freud will always be a pioneer of psychiatry; for that, he will be forever remembered.

Dreams are the method by which the subconscious mind continues to work on things while we are asleep. My husband and I start every morning with coffee, newspaper, and dream analysis. In that order. We love to look at how our subconscious minds present what issues are important to us, and how we try to resolve them. Dreams are rich with symbolism - they should never be taken literally. Now that we are in a pandemic, I often dream of finding myself in a foreign land against my will, with unseen dangers, while trying to find a way home. It's just me, out of my element, trying to figure out how to return to the way things were before the pandemic.

Laurie

Being naked in a dream conveys vulnerability - you feel exposed in front of others for some reason. You are on a bus - a perfectly normal thing that a normal person does all the time (you are engaging in normal behavior). That you have no ostomy in the dream suggests that you are trying to be just like you presume everyone else is. But... you are hoping that no one else notices. That suggests that you know you are different, but you don't want others to see you as different. Married, it sounds like this dream was about figuring out how you now fit in the world, now that you have an ostomy. You are trying to present yourself as no different, but you are afraid of being exposed as an imposter. So you see this as a kind of test - can you engage in perfectly normal behaviors, like you did before your ostomy, without somebody calling you out? This is exactly the kind of dream I would expect anyone who has been through a life-altering experience to have, and I have had many similar ones. I also wouldn't be surprised to see you (or anyone) revisit this theme, long after you feel on a conscious level, that you have dealt with the issue. Things have a way of lingering, to be dealt with more fully, as we mature, or even when we don't have more pressing issues to deal with. When I used to counsel children, I would give them this analogy: if someone gives you a pie, you are unlikely to eat the whole pie in one sitting. You are more likely to take a slice, and put the rest in the back of the fridge, and take it out again when you're ready for another slice. And this will continue until the pie is gone, but it might have many, many slices. This dream is a way of eating one of those slices.

Laurie

I appreciate the lesson, counselor.  i actually take everything with a grain or two of salt, including myself. 

That is the recipe for happiness!

Laurie

I rarely have dreams that I remember anyway. I have never had a dream about a stoma. I may not have had a dream since getting an ostomy. But, I have had many dreams in my life that have come true. Not usually good dreams either!
Strange, but seeing this post has me realizing that I have not dreamt, that I can remember in the morning, in years. On the other side, I have not slept a solid night through in years either, waking up constantly all night, maybe never getting to some good REM!

Interesting.
Pup

From an old post. Had my first stoma dream. I was taking my bag off and my stoma fell off like a baby's belly button. Kind of weird. Then later on I had another dream or nightmare. My stoma was spouting blood like a fire hose. Just a dream, just a dream.

What bus route was that?

That is a nightmare!!

Wow.  Wow!  

I have always had crazy dreams. I can remember my dreams as far back as 4 years old. I remember my dreams every night and the only time I don't dream is when I'm sick with the flu or something of the like. I've been told throughout my life that I need to write a book regarding my dreams...and yes, Freud would've had a field day with me. LOL

I wonder what the relationship might be between your "crazy dreams" and what you describe as your "warped sense of humor."  Perhaps they're cousins.  :)

I had my first dream with my mom, who passed away a year and a half ago. We were at our family home and I was trying to find enough items to make dinner. She wasn't able to do that anymore. I saw in my dream just how fragile she had become. I woke up saying, "There's got to be some protein in the canned goods."

Suzeekew,

Grief dreams are so hard to wake up from. It feels like losing your loved one all over again. In your dream, you are in a location where you feel welcome and have a sense of belonging. Because the surroundings are familiar, you likely have some sense of control. But you are looking at your mom realistically and seeing her fragility and her limitations. So you are coming to terms with that, and that is important for you to do. But there is still a part of you that feels it necessary to take care of her. You are being a good daughter in your dream, and still taking on responsibility for her. That may be what you are working on while you're dreaming - the letting go of taking care of her. Grief is a process, and even when we think we're finished with it, it may not be finished with us. Sometimes it sneaks back in when we don't expect it, like in our dreams. Letting go of someone as important as your mom is not ever an easy thing to do, and it may take longer than you think. Be gentle with yourself, and take as long as you need to.

Laurie

Ty so much for your response, Laurie. I read it once, but want to go back again because what you shared is really valuable. For now, I need to get some sleep. Take care, Shar

Married

I have the exact dreams. Can't find the toilet, when I do it's disgusting, there's no privacy or paper! I also have the naked dreams. I was a teacher and the dreams always find me naked and searching for the class I'm supposed to teach. Totally lost, naked, with books and binders. Then, of course, I go looking for the toilet naked!

Thanks for this. How long does it take to remedy? I have been retired from teaching for 8 years now and still have these dreams quite often. Wonder why I'm feeling vulnerable now?