It has recently come to my attention, on this very website, that some of you – people that I previously assumed were reasonable, serious people – have actually assigned human names to your stomas. Really?? You have named your stoma?? I’ve had this ileostomy since effin 1964, and it has never occurred to me to do such a thing. I must say, with all due respect, that I find this to be perhaps the grossest, most flagrant act of anthropomorphistic nonsense ever. I’m assuming that these are the same ones of you that, upon awakening, say “Good morning, Larry” to your big toe. And you men, do you call your penis Harry Houdini for his post-coital disappearing act? [That, of course, would require you to have actual post-coital experiences.] And ladies, when is the last time that you referred to your breasts as ZsaZsa and Eva? Or Nadine and Maybellene (R.I.P. Chuck Berry). I suppose I must admit that I have a cat named Bart (as opposed to Fluffy or Blackie or some other obviously feline moniker), but in my own defense I must say that Bart is short for his full name, BartholoMEW. Perhaps attributing human characteristics to non-human objects [you’re going to argue that your stoma is human, but I don’t buy that] is an age-old method of coming to grips with the inhumanity of contemporary reality. I’m willing to guess that there were no 19th Century ostomy surgeries. It is true, as well, that aside from the positive wonders of 21st Century technology [we are on the Internet, after all], it can be severely dehumanizing. Just for kicks, here’s the final paragraph of George Orwell’s 1984: “He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark mustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin-soaked tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.”

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Hermit Crab

In 1971 after my operation, I was asked by the nurses what I was going to call my stoma. This seemed a very strange idea to me and that is why to this day mine has no name, although it does christen itself all day long and all night long every ruddy day, and therefor has been called many different names over it's soon to be 50 years, all of which are rude.

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Old Bud

Funny! When I was lying in the hospital after surgery, my next bed neighbor's name was Bruce. He had the loadest stoma I've ever heard. Seemed he could eat anything right after surgery. He was a rude, cantankerous old buzzard who yelled and argued with the nurses and aides. So when my stoma acted up I started calling it Bruce and even Bruce thought it was funny. I don't really use the name but occasionally my wife refers to "Bruce". What an A-hole he is/was!

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Scuba_diver1972

Old Bud wrote:

My ex husband named mine one night as I was doing my bag change and at that time it was quite round but also seemed a little droopy... thus the name " Loppy Tomato 🍅 was born"...lol Needless to say the name stuck and although we are no longer married he and I still communicate and asks " How is Loppy Tomato 🍅?"
chuckle 🙊

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NewlifeVictoria

HenryM wrote:

Of course it makes no difference, Lovely. I'm just trying to have a little fun with it, my dear.

Happy 😊 new year to you! But anyway why joy name it? I named mine Haooy 😊anyway everyone is different

1964 was my year I was born 😊Hope your well and staying safe! Must ask you, do you have pain😉🌙or hernia? What do you do if do? But anyway I'm not here a lot because of a couple people that were really ignorant but I wanted to miss EVERYONE a very happy Happy New year!
by the way ... my stoma his name is... H😊ppy ( Happy)!

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Scuba_diver1972

I as to the point of naming feel neither for nor against but point be taken my EX husband felt the need to notice it after surgery slightly lumpy and to one side thus shall be named "THE LOPPY TOMATO" so yes it was named No not by me and so it shall be forever MY LOPPY TOMATO 🍅!

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2nd Chance @ Life

Reply to lovely

Bob Hope and Queen Elizabeth are/were ostomates.

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nancykorczynski58

Reply to xnine

I named mine JOSÉ only because yes I was told that it was the easiest way to identify and accept it. But as far as I'm concerned JOSÉ was invading my space and how it's about to change my life. To each his own. 🤔 I feel 💯 better now that JOSÉ HAS BEEN DEPORTED IF YOU GET MY DRIFT??

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Carol N

Reply to Anonymous

Rumored to be a goat bladder.

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Carol N

Reply to lovely

So did William Powell, Red Skelton. I never realized just how many people in this world have an ostomy!

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Tinothoo

It never occurred to me either to name mine but it seems it helps some people get used to having one (?) Mine does however get called many unprintable names when it starts spurting when I’m trying to change the bag; like this morning - all cleaned and dried, barrier spray applied, and then as I approach with new bag…….Vesuvius erupts

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Justbreathe

Hmmm…would you even consider riding through the desert on a horse with no name?

It has only been 2 years and 4 months since I acquired my stoma and already I am considering going to court to have Seymour’s name changed to Vesuvius 😝. jb

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