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Inflated Job Titles

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Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:26 pm

As a retired fire department captain, I will give you the chemical definition of fire. Technically speaking, it is "the rapid self-sustaining oxidation of a fuel that produces both heat and light". Therefore, we liked to joke that we weren't firefighters, we were: 'Rapid Oxidation Suppression Specialists'.......................So following that line of thinking, here are some additional inflated job titles that I came up with.

1.   Route Specific Multi-Occupant Commercial Vehicle Operator.............................City Bus Driver

2.   Post Usage Materials Removal And Abatement Engineer...................................Garbage Collector

3.   Liquid Carbon Fuel Dispersal Facilitator..........................................................Gas Station Attendant

4.   Metatarsal Cushioning And Protection Fitting Specialist....................................Shoe Salesperson

5.   Eatery Facility Presentational Cuisine Handler..................................................Waitress Or Waiter

6.   Master Keyboard Pitch And Tone Adjuster........................................................Piano Tuner

7.   Institutional Currency Intake And Dissemination Technician.............................Bank Teller

8.   Recycled Automotive Marketing And Distribution Agent.....................................Used Car Salesperson

9.   Aeronautical Agricultural Enhancement Product Applicator.................................Crop-Duster

10. Waste-Blockage And Liquid-Backup Removal Expert..........................................Roto-Rooter Person

11. Interactive First-Tier Facilities Ambassador.......................................................Walmart Door Greeter

12. Nutritional Product Placement And Display Organizer.........................................Grocery Stocking Clerk

 

Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:50 pm

Awesome! You can put lipstick on a pig but it is still a pig! Hahaha

I always told people I was a high priced babysitter when asked what I did for a living. Not as catchy as all of your titles but appropriate. 

Pup

Fri Jun 11, 2021 1:29 pm

Hello fdcaptain971.

Thanks for this contemplative and enteratining post.

I quite like the job titles that carry with them acromyms that we can sue in rhyme to show what is happening behind the scenes.

One such acronym I made up to illustrate that social workers had been duped into changing their traditional 'helpful' role with 'clients', into a role where they were primarily Local Authority Resource Coordinators (LARCS). with the corresponding expectations that they would be responsible for cutting welfare services, yet make it appear that the clients were still being catered for in reasonable way.  I leave you with my rhyme on the subject!

Best wishes

Bill

BEWARE OF THE HAWK WHO SOUNDS LIKE A ‘LARC’.

Beware of the LARC who sings for the hawk.
Beware of the hawk who mimics the LARC.
Beware of their stealth and how they stalk.
They are but tricksters - you are the mark.

So sweet the sound of LARC on high
So complex, clear and pure.
What would lead to question why
Their song might be to fear.

Naive LARC sees far & wide
As on the wing it sings.
LARCs rarely from all dangers hide.
They know not of these things.

With pitch and tone there’s nothing wrong
It seems from heaven-sent
But under-tone and forkéd tongue
Will alter what was meant

Once LARC’s were an honest bird
Relaxing, reducing frets.
Unlike the hawk who can be heard
Squawking their nasty threats.

LARCs who know they sing for love
And altruistic joy.
May lift their little heads above.
Their song is not some ploy.

The honest LARC achieves its’ fame
Without a lot of fuss.
Not for them, dishonest games
They wish to play with us.

Enjoy the little LARC in song.
Revel in its glory.
But that hawk will do you wrong
And is a different story.

When singing talents turn around
T’be used in hawkish way.
Deadly talons then abound
And we become the prey.

Hawks duck and dive and lurk and hide.
For most part they stay quiet
Do not in them yourself confide.
Lest you become their diet.

                             B. Withers 2009

NB: LARC = Local Authority Resource Coordinator (formerly - Social Worker)

( in 'Contemplation' 2010)

 

 

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