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You Might Be A Redneck

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Wed Jun 16, 2021 12:42 pm

Many of you are probably familiar with the Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine of "You Might Be A Redneck". If not, it goes like this...."If you (fill in the blanks with a scenario)....you might be a redneck!" 

Some time ago, I decided to make my own list following Foxworthy's lead. One or two of the following were partially borrowed from other sources, but as far as I know, the rest came from the semi-fertile fields of my mind. My current list is up to 65 and here are 30 of them. As you read them, don't forget to say "you might be a redneck" at the end of each one. For simplicity of typing, I have substituted YMBAR.

Oh, by the way, since I'm somewhat of a self-proclaimed redneck myself, I feel free to state these without fear of being accused of condescension (did I spell that right?), anyway I'm definitely one of the commoners.

1.   If you fold up the dining room table after dinner to make room for square dancing...........YMBAR

2.   If you think college wrestling is fake, because you've seen REAL wrestling on 'WWE Smackdown'.........YMBAR

3.   If the portable toilets at the county fair shamed you into upgrading your bathroom at home........YMBAR

4.   If you think Fu Man Chu is a new brand of oral tobacco.........YMBAR

5.   If your pickup truck has more NASCAR stickers and rust than it does paint.........YMBAR

6.   If a police officer asks if you have any ID and you say " 'bout what?"...........YMBAR

7.   If you witnessed a car accident, stopped to help, and the tow truck driver tried to hook up to your vehicle first....YMBAR

8.   If your family car doubles as your demolition derby entry...........YMBAR

9.   If you tried to help your child with math homework and explained that pie are not square, pie are round, and it is cornbread that are square..........YMBAR

10. If you think a hedge fund manager is the person in charge of buying shrubbery............YMBAR

11. If you think that Barney Rubble is the world's most underrated supporting actor...........YMBAR

12. If your family refers to junior high as graduate school..........YMBAR

13. If your wife's "goin' out for Saturday night hairdo" looks like it was done in a cotton candy machine..............YMBAR

14. If you think Microsoft is an expensive brand of toilet paper............YMBAR

15. If your wife recently got into a fistfight at Walmart..........YMBAR

16. If the eighth grade was the best 3 years of your life..........YMBAR

17. If your Uncle Bobo popped a beer and started wolf whistling at the bridesmaids at your sister's wedding..........YMBAR

18. If you went to a fancy restaurant and handed the waiter your fingerbowl asking for more lemonade and said "make it stronger this time".............YMBAR

19. If your new swimmin' pool came from the cattle feed and supply store.............YMBAR

20. If you think the International Date Line is an 800 number to meet foreign women........YMBAR

21. If you think Mike Angelo painted the ceiling at the sixteenth chapel.........YMBAR

22. If your wife has to remind you every Saturday night to brush your tooth...........YMBAR

23. If you found an old refrigerator while brush hogging your front yard..............YMBAR

24. If your property looks better AFTER the tornado............YMBAR

25. If your budget for chewing tobacco, fireworks, beer, big belt buckles, and ball caps, exceeds half of your income............YMBAR

26. If your idea of a wine and cheese party is centered around a bottle of Mad Dog 20-20, a block of Velveeta, and cheap saltine crackers..............YMBAR

27. If your school song was the theme from "The Beverly Hillbillies"...............YMBAR

28. If you think a baroque painter is a house painter who ran out of money..........YMBAR

29. If your high school had competition teams in hog callin' and yodelin'..............YMBAR

30. If your family has been featured on "The Jerry Springer Show".............YMBAR

Wed Jun 16, 2021 2:36 pm

  

    Hi cap,

That's pretty funny in a Al Bundy sort of way but don't be too harsh on us after all we might be kin.

...mtnman 

Wed Jun 16, 2021 3:09 pm

Hi FD,  These are hysterical!  Ever considered a second career as a comedy writer?  Fertile mind indeed!  

Cheers,

Terry

Wed Jun 16, 2021 3:49 pm

Hi fdcap,

these gave me a good laugh. I especially liked #21 Mike Angelo....sixteenth chapel.....

Wed Jun 16, 2021 6:24 pm

Hey Cap,

Nice job! I love Jeff Foxworthy and you did him proud! 
can't wait to see the rest of them! 
Puppy

Wed Jun 16, 2021 8:25 pm

I enjoyed them thanks for sharing.

Thu Jun 17, 2021 1:14 am

 

  Mtnman wrote:  

  

    Hi cap,

That's pretty funny in a Al Bundy sort of way but don't be too harsh on us after all we might be kin.

...mtnman 

 



Now Mtnman...........let's not confuse Hillbillies with Rednecks..........two VERY different types of people.  I know cuz I'm both.  

 

;0)

Billy-Bob

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