Ostomy Memories of Fly Swatting


AMONG THE MANY AND VARIED ignominies of old age, I sadly discovered a new one today: my once unerring agility at swatting flies has eroded noticeably. I regard this as a physical diminishment equivalent to what a professional ballplayer suffers when he can no longer get around on a high hard fastball. It not only is embarrassing, it comes close to making life less worth living. I was thankful, when it happened, when I took several off-the-mark swings at a disgusting fly, I was thankful, as I say, that my wife was not in the room to witness my humiliation. The fly in question, a loud buzzer, managed to overtly add to my mortification by making several arrogant passes at my head before disappearing off somewhere behind me. I was left contenting myself with the fact that the life cycle of a housefly is just 15 – 30 days, so the obnoxious conceit of this particular pest won’t last the month. Homo sapiens ultimately is superior to the Musca domestica, even if I’m not.


Yes, but Henry, by the time that one dies, it would have laid about 30 little soon-to-be big flies. Yuk! Or, on the other hand, you could always have the maggots in a stir-fry. LOL XX

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I was visiting my son in the nursing home. For two weeks, there was a fly in his room and I asked if they had a fly swatter and they said no. That fly was irritating both my son and me. I found a towel and rolled it up and swatted it several times, but it was too soft to kill it. I told my son I would bring a swatter when I came back and guess what, yes, I forgot it. The fly was still there, so I finally got a piece of paper off the bulletin board and rolled it up. It took a couple of times, but I got it. I hope I can remember to take one up there the next time I go.


Hello HenryM.

You have such a wonderful descriptive talent and seemed to have nailed this irritation very well. However, as I was re-reading this post , It occured to me that there were two distinct aspects to story that are both pertinent. The first is obviously the aging process and diminishing ability to deal with such irritations;

The second is the species itself. In the past, have tried all sorts of fly-traps, many of which I decided were attracting more flies than we had before the purchase of these devices. The battdery operated  racket  types swats seem to work reasonably well, but as you say it becomes more difficult to chase and catch them  the older we get. Thus, nowadays I approach the problem with a slightly different perspective and attitude. 

First and formost, I tend to let nature do the job for me and allow the spiders to live fairly freely about the property. it is somewhat satisfyoing to think that while I am cleaning up their faeces I am also grateful to them for what they have been eating. Secondly, in thed summertime, the flies seem to congregate  in the greenhouse and the conservatory. At the height of the hottest time of the day, I close the doors and cook them all. They fall to the floor and when I open up again, there are certain bird species that are waiting for this moment to hop in and make a meal of them all, which saves me having to sweep them up!

Then again, my perspective changes drastically, when the begging adertisements come on the TV, showing children in poor countries with flies on their faces and in their eyes and mouths, without the children taking any notice of the little blighters. These images make me feel that my problems are relatively insignificant compared with what other people seem to have to tolerate and so, my own fly 'problems' diminish according to my own altering perspectives.

Best wishes




I can honestly say, my friend, that in all my years I have never had the experience of cleaning up spider feces.  So, you're one up on me there.  Stay well.

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Ah ha! Henry.

I would pose the question "Would you know what to look for, or what you are looking at when cleaning up after spiders?" The faeces is mostly minute and difficult to distinguish between the spiders' and the 'normal' dust we might sweep up on a daily basis (except most spider poo is darker in colour). I only know what it is I'm looking for/at,  because I encourage each spider to make their homes in certain places, where it is easy for me to clean up after them. Being an ostomate, I consider myself something of an authority on cleaning up poo so when it comes to spiders', I take it all in my stride and feel that it is the least I can do for these predators that save me chasing around after unwanted flies.

Best wishes


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