Sex with a Colostomy: Seeking Advice

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Dlynn

I had my permanent colostomy surgery in August 2021. I have become comfortable with my pouching situation. But I really am nervous about having sex (I haven't had sex since before my surgery because of problems); I really want to have sex again but I am concerned about the pouch being in the way or a turn off to someone.

Looking for some helpful suggestions :-)

Past Member

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patrickrichardson1946

Yes, I also agree... Mention of a pouch to a person with no experience of the subject is a bit traumatic for them in my opinion and experience.

xnine

This topic has been covered many times. A common reply is to get a wrap or some kind of cover-up. I use a tummy sleeve from a maternity shop. Look in Collections for premium content for more info.

Past Member
Reply to xnine

Only paid members can look at that content. And it is always nice to get up-to-date information.

 
Words of Encouragement from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Past Member

The best solution is to find someone who has an Ostomy. It worked very well for me and Kitty. Also, if you run out of any supplies, you can share!!!

E

Past Member

Good plan!

bowsprit

There are some lovely looking covers you can order or get one stitched to fit. When questioned about it, my answer was that I had stomach surgery and the wound was bandaged. Who you tell or not tell about the stoma is your prerogative, and everything is fair in love and war they say. Besides, if two people care about each other, a stoma never stands in the way. The more conscious you are about it, the more it will pinch.

Past Member

Hi Dlynn, I just wanted to say how amazing it is to be naked with another ostomate!! Neither one cares, and with us it was pure love and being cuddled up under a blanket and hearing little whistles and a little StomaFart, and just laughing like crazy people at the freedom and sheer joy of having that familiarity and love at the same time was just heaven.

We both woke up one night at exactly the same time. We both shot up tight and looked at each other. "Me first"... "noooo, me first, I'm the lady here!!". We both just cracked up... not a leak, just timed perfectly for a visit. What you look like, etc., is secondary, it's the connection you've made in your messages. When you see that person, you will feel it.

Best wishes to all

Eamon

Past Member

Sounds wonderful, Eamon. What a beautiful relationship you had.

Past Member

Our time was only three years but we made enough memories for 100 years... Eamon

Earth Angel

Dlynn,

I started dating a man in August, the first man since my husband since I had my ostomy. It took me until December to tell him I had an ostomy as I was terrified of his reaction. We obviously hadn't been intimate yet.
When I finally got the courage to tell him as things were progressing in our relationship and he was going to find out, I explained that in order to save my life, the surgeon had to remove my rectum and give me an ostomy. He said, "Oh, so you have an outtie?" He told me he couldn't care less about the fact that I had an ostomy and why didn't I tell him sooner? He felt horrible that I was so anxious every time we went out worrying about telling him and how he'd react. The next day, we had a long conversation where he asked me several questions to learn more about it.
We finally became intimate weeks later, and I wore a beautiful wrap over it along with a babydoll teddy. He told me a few times later that he'd rather have me totally naked than try to hide my ostomy, and he wanted me to be comfortable with my body the way I was.

To this day, he tells me constantly that my body is perfect and always tells me how beautiful and brave I am. So you don't have to find another ostomate - there are very good men out there who, if given the chance, would be honored to be with a woman, even with an ostomy.

This man has given me courage and strength I never knew I had. He treats me like a queen, more so than anyone ever has before my ostomy.
Take a chance, you may be very surprised at how nice it can be.

Best of luck

Past Member

So happy for you, EA. I hope someday I will meet someone too. Just need to get brave enough to put myself out there. LOL

Earth Angel
Reply to Anonymous

Life is too short to let fear take over. Just do it! A good man will love you for the amazing woman you truly are.

AlexT

Good for you, EA. Yes, I looked up babydoll teddy.

Ritz
Reply to Earth Angel

Earth Angel ....

I'm so happy for you and your new free relationship. I too was nervous of telling someone I first met without an ostomy that I had one. But I just spit it out on the first date.
If someone truly cares for someone, then nothing gets in the way. Enjoy your freedom of just being you.
Ritz

Earth Angel
Reply to Ritz

Awwww thanks so much Ritz! It is such a freeing feeling to not have to hide my ostomy or feel so self-conscious. I'm sure there are jerks out there that wouldn't want to deal with me having an ostomy, however there are really good guys too so it's worth the risk of finding out who's worth it and who isn't.

Newbie Dana

My husband was with me throughout the whole ordeal - the cancer, the hospital stays, the ostomy, so he knows all about it from the first. I did some of the wraps, and the sexy (covering) nighties, etc., but finally we both just got comfortable with what is there. There, and fling the clothes everywhere until we're both naked (and so freeing with the last of the kids out of the house now!). I'm just happy we can, because sometimes the chemo can do nasty stuff to your lady-bits, and it takes a while to recover.

Just go for it with that special someone. Do try the wraps or whatever, because it can give you the confidence to feel good about yourself. And know that after a while, you will both get to the "toss it all off" stage!

Newbie Dana

Oh, yes, and the "run around the house" stage. Just remember to draw the curtains first!

RaenotRay
Reply to Earth Angel

EA,

You are a beautiful person inside and out. You deserve nothing less. To all the girls here, I'll come beat up whoever he is if he doesn't treat you the way EA's man does.

RaenotRay
Reply to Newbie Dana

Ooooo, I think we're going to be friends.

Earth Angel

Nothing like getting chased like a hunted animal (wink emoji)

Earth Angel
Reply to RaenotRay

Rae, you're so sweet! Back at ya! Thank you for being so kind and such a ray of sunshine to all of us!

Mira25
Reply to Earth Angel

What a beautiful story, and a wonderful man! I'm so pleased for you. I have been seeing a gorgeous man for over a month and still haven't told him. This gives me hope. Thank you. I wish you continued happiness.

Past Member

Now we're really scared, Mustang Sally!! You want to wrestle? Lol ...

Past Member
Reply to Newbie Dana

It's so nice when you don't care anymore. As you say, that is when you really feel free. A trail of clothes leading up the stairs and... well, you know the rest.

Eamon

Past Member

My enigmatic wrestle reference ..

If I'm a big meanie to someone, will you come and beat me up .... wrestle perhaps

"You are a beautiful person inside and out. You deserve nothing less. To all the girls here, I'll come beat up whoever he is if he doesn't treat you the way EA's man does."

Eamon

Past Member

OK.... so Wrestle it is... now we're definitely going to meet up at some point, think you could pin me? LOL...

Past Member

LOL

RaenotRay
Reply to Earth Angel

Y'all make it easy.

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