Ostomy Memories of the Outdoors

HIKING IS FINE BUT CAMPING IS HELL.  Spending the night in a tent out in the open, surrounded by suspicious sounds and unknown creatures with claws and sharp fangs, that I am happy to leave to people braver than me.  I once spent four days on the Appalachian Trail, sleeping in a tent in the rain, and after several nights of that I was ready to pack it in.  “Camping,” Dave Barry once said, “is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.”  So, over the years, especially while living in beautiful Utah, though I spent many worthwhile hours hiking in the wilderness, I always made it home to my own comfortable bed by nightfall.  My small backpack, with water, snacks, and a few trail necessities (e.g. for emptying), was way preferable to the fifty pound behemoth that I carried on the A.T.  Notwithstanding that I have hiked many miles over the years, I am not an “outdoorsman.”  I have no desire to traipse through the woods looking for something to kill; I’m much more inclined to sniff native flowers than shoot native fauna.  So, even though the hiking boots that I wore on the A.T. are still stuck away somewhere, I wear lighter, less serious looking shoes these days.  And the hiking poles that have poked plenty of ground in their time are gathering cobwebs where they hang now in my garage.

What about some stories of people you "bumped into" on your hiking adventures, Henry?

A friend, a chartered accountant, and his wife were on an African safari in Kenya. "Surrounded by suspicious sounds and unknown creatures," she did not leave the tent to go to the toilet outside and relieved herself in the thermos containing water. Later on, her husband, getting thirsty, drank some of it!

A person has to be a real die-hard to tent in Ireland! Could be fffng drowned in your tent! At Ross Strand where I swim, there have been a few tents pitched, even in the rain. One essential item at the door of each tent was a case of beer! Could be stuck in the tent for days! Irish weather is a lucky bag! Going to sleep under a black cloud deluge can leave you waking up to 75 deg in the AM... regardless of weather forecast! The atmosphere on this little island is in turmoil with Arctic winds clashing with Mediterranean warmth, creating a constantly changing mix of heat, cold, wind, and 98 humidity (most days!). Even a day hike requires two wardrobes... one for winter and one for summer... and everything in between! When the sun breaks through and the clouds turn into pure white cotton balls, it really is worth it!

The Irish climate is never boring. It can be years between snow and ice periods, which is just right... not equipped for snow here... or ice! The last big snow/ice storm lasted 3-4 months and literally brought the whole country to a crashing halt, leaving most country roads impassable. Thankfully, that only happened two years in a row about 12 years ago. So you won't freeze to death but could drown if you look up with your mouth open.

I always hiked where I didn't expect to see another human being, but I'll give it some thought.

In response to your request, Veejay, the UFO post.

Camping is like a job. You pack up all your stuff from home, take it to a less convenient place, unpack it all, make a fire so you can cook, still have to clean up, and then pack it all up again to take home and clean and put away. No thanks. Holiday Inn, anyone?

Oh come on, it's fun! My favorite is cooking breakfast outside in the morning on the camp stove. Coffee never tasted so good as in that camp percolator on the Coleman stove. Same for the bacon and eggs! Yum yum

It has its merits, but I still prefer a hotel room to a tent.

Well, yes, if we are just talking about a hotel room vs a tent then I agree with you, a hotel room is my pick. LOL