Shower Mishap: A Humorous Ostomy Mishap

I just took a shower with my bag on since I changed it this morning. I always use a tiny binder clip at the Velcro closure for added protection. I took the clip off so that I could unravel the bottom and dry it off. In the meantime, my phone rang. As I went to answer it, I let go of the bottom of my bag - I must have forgotten that it wasn't closed while multitasking - and heard (and felt) a splash. I got back into the shower, cleaned off, then proceeded to mop up my bathroom. I don't have to tell you it hit everything. I know each of you has experienced something similar, maybe not of that magnitude, maybe more intense. I knew you'd all understand. Ya gotta laugh!

LOL Oh my gosh, you poor thing! Yes, it is so much better to laugh.

I would never do a silly thing like that...

When I went from a one piece to a 2... I thought I pushed down the ring of my bag to the wafer all the way... Well, yeah... It happens! Just like the old saying that us ostomates have learned HAPPENS... We just notice it more than others.

Hello eefyjig.
Oh! how I know just how you feel
for stomas make it seem so real.

Best wishes

Bill

 

INCIDENTS AND ACCIDENTS.

This tale is of an ostomate,
but told for those who irrigate.
For I feel it may be they
who will envisage what I say.

Today I had an incident,
a torrid horrid accident.
Right in the middle of my flush
it all came out in one big rush.

This would not have been so bad
except the wafer came unclad.
Now those of you who know this scene
will know exactly what I mean. 

When you’re flushing pressure grows 
then stomas act like volcanoes.
The faeces always takes its course
erupting with enormous force.

There’s little I could do although 
I quickly tried to stem the flow.
But a cupped hand won’t stem the tide
of all that faeces held inside.

In the first explosive wave
I knew not how it would behave.
With no way of controlling it 
I was head to toe in slimy shit.

Then when I thought I’d do no more
shit shot across the bathroom floor.
It showered like a rainy squall
and soon was spread on every wall.

Though I showered and cleaned as well
I failed to clear up all the smell.
Although it took me half the night 
to try to put this whole mess right.

But now I’ve given up instead
and think that I’ll just go to bed.

                                             B. Withers 2013
        (pp39-40 in: LAUGH OR LAMENT 2019)

The funniest part of this is when it happened you said.... SHIT (or some variance). Well duh, yeah it's shit.

Oh yeah!! Been there, done that, well, not exactly that, but close enough! And yeah, isn't it appropriate that the first word to come out of my mouth was... shit!

Terry

I love this! How cool, a poem for ostomates only!

Of course, never!

Exactly!

We don't read it thinking, "OMG." We read it thinking, "Yep."

Love this, Bill!

RB, that was my biggest concern with a two-piece - that I'd unlock to burp my bag or turn to the side too fast and it wouldn't be snapped together as I'd assumed. I know it's just my hang-up and I'm sorry that happened to you but I'll bet it never happened again! And, it's true, most people don't give poo a second thought. They take their digestive systems and once-a-day pooping for granted.

Sally, I am sure to never do that again!!

I think this comes under what we call 'lessons learned the hard way'. Both times it happened to me, it was because I had not pressed the Velcro at the opening of my pouch firmly enough. I am super diligent about that Velcro now, and every time I empty, I take care in how I close it. In your case, maybe the lesson is not to answer the phone when dealing with your ostomy! LOL! I mean that is what voicemail and answering machines are for, right?!

Terry

Hello Terry. 
Thanks for those wise words:   ‘Maybe the lesson is not to answer the phone when dealing with your ostomy’, which have motivated my rhyme for today.
Best wishes

Bill.

 

MULTI-TASKING MISTAKES.

I previously wrote a rhyme 
about my multi-taking time,
when MT was up and coming
so, for me, it was my thing,

I would never question whether
doing several things together 
might be a risky thing to do
but then I did not think it through.

I’d happily do many tasks 
until one day mistakes unmasked 
the folly of this false mindset
and consequences we beget.

My change of mind came with the fact
that  doing many things might act 
as a motivating trap
and a means to a mishap.

I do not wish to dramatise, 
but it will come as no surprise
to those with stomas to care for
that we should not be doing more.

For if your concentration drifts,
the chances of a mishap lifts
and this can drop us right in it
and land us in a heap of shit.

We learn by our experience
and this can make a difference,
as  doing one thing at a time 
saves ending up in muck and slime.

To avoid things going wrong 
and covering me with shit and pong,
I now  only focus on
the task at hand and sine qua non.      (necessary)

                                                                B. Withers 2023

 

OMG Bill, I love this poem! And to be the inspiration behind it? Made my day!

Terry