An irrigator's irritant

AN IRRIGATOR’S IRRITANT.

When once you start to irrigate
certain things can irritate.
There’s one specific thing I’ll share
that’s got to be my worst nightmare.

For those of you who do not know
How hard and fast can be the flow.
Think of a loose high pressure hose
it’s very much like one of those.

There is no drama or ordeal
if flange and skin have a good seal.
There’s nothing nasty to convey
as all the mess gets flushed away.

If it were not for the bag
the mess would be an dreadful drag.
Occasionally the seal will break
then you’re left in water’s wake.

There’s very little you can do
when shit is spurting over you.
It’s very hard to comprehend
exactly when this thing will end.

For whilst I panic and I’m soaked
with the smell I’m also choked.
As I get covered head to toe
it seems there is nowhere to go.

I feel myself become compost
and all my dignity is lost.
I’m just one great big heap of shit
and I just cannot cope with it.

I think that things cannot get worse
as I start to swear and curse.
Then when I’m trying to lay blame
it stops as sudden as it came.

I tell myself I will not cower
As I jump into the shower.
I’ll treat this inconvenience
As part of life’s experience.

B. Withers 2012

Hi Bill (Withers - really?) You may be using the wrong system. Have you tried the Coloplast irrigation setup? I use it because even after three years irrigating, I still like to slow the flow at times. Only your sleeves have to match your flange (like I use Hollister sleeves but hate their irrigator!) Coloplast has the nifty water wheel to regulate the flow in. As for the flow out: yes, I get your lament completely!

New to this site. I just have to say you made my day. Can't believe you made me laugh so hard about an ostomy. Good job. LOL Kathy

Hello Pinky: Thanks for your comments. The verse refers to the outflow rather than the input. I too use the Coloplast whirlywheel thingy, which is ideal for regulating the flow or, in my case, watching it spin round at a mesmerisingly high speed. I use the Dansac irridrain sleeves which have been really good for my particular needs. However, one of them came adrift after I put the water in and when it was in full flow outputting. Hence the motivation for the verse.(my way of venting feelings!)I have not had any trouble with the sleeves since so I'm presuming that it was either a one-off dud or I did something different which made the seal break. Perhaps I will never know! Best wishes Bill

Hello Napamama. Welcome to the site and thank you for your feedback. It is very gratifying to know that other people get something from the verses especially if it brings a smile to their faces and lifts their mood. If you are interested there are a few other ostomy related verses if you scroll back on the blogs page by pressing 'next'.Best wishes Bill

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

Good poem, Bill! I have been considering irrigating but maybe I'll think a little harder. :-)

Hello sthorough, Thanks for you comment. Please don't let it put you off having a go at irrigation. This is the best method I have found for 'managing' the many problems and frustrations of ostomy/waste disposal. There are disadvantages in every way of approaching it but I firmly believe that the advantages of irrigation far outweigh the disadvantages. The verse was written after I had cleaned up from just one incident. What it doesn't say is that I had a few incidents with 'bags' that came off or leaked previously and they were in public. Whereas, with irrigation, any incidents involving leaks etc happen in the confines of my own bathroom. Out of the two alternatives (public or private) I know which scenario I prefer!Maybe that could be a subject mattter for a verse or two.Best wishesBill