Struggling to Find an End to Overwhelming Challenges

I give up. I just don't think I can do this anymore. It's so overwhelming and it's ruining my life.

Take it one day at a time. Have faith that the next day will be better. Find joy in your life, in small things. Take a walk, read a book, make brownies, call a friend or family member who is supportive. Stay

Hey, how many weeks in are you? Can you remind me? How was that chocolate from the other day? Tomorrow (which is technically here) is a new day. What are the plans for today? Message me if you want we can make a plan for how to do today.

I'll bet that there is not one... single... individual... person on this site who has not felt that way.

You're not alone as you feel.

Are you the type of person who can have a pet?

They can be remarkably supportive through this period. Even if you only have one for a while, perhaps you could foster.

What's the problem(s)?

Hi Maria,

Hang in there, girl! It absolutely is overwhelming and will change your life. If not... you're not normal. Looking back, the advice I'd give someone new to all this is to just take it slow. Your life is going to be different, don't let anyone tell you it won't be. So you need to find your 'new normal' and not use your old life as a yardstick. Once you find where you're at now, things will change. It gets easier and easier until this ostomy crap only occupies 10% of your mind and not 100%, like it is now. Life does get good again! Those on this site will attest to that!

We'll get you through this... just think of it like learning how to walk. Crawl, stumble, and fall a bit, get walking... and before you know it, you're running a marathon. Hit us up with each problem you have and we'll get you straight one problem at a time. Before you know it, you'll be looking back and giving the newbies your advice and wisdom. It's how it works.

Looking forward to helping you get through this shit (no pun intended)!

;O)

Bob

Maria! You even got Bob to call you a nice name like Maria! You've got a step up today over me already!

Maria,

I was and on some days go to that place you find yourself. Time does make all the difference and as someone here told me a few months ago- "Allow yourself to grieve."

You really are not alone.

Sending loads of love and positive vibes your way.

OMG, I just love you! I need people like you in my life! You're a blessing to me. Yesterday made it 3 months I've had this hell of a thing...3 months too many...too long...

It's also not just the ostomy...it's other things that I can't and won't put on here...I'll tell you in a message but not on here for everyone to read...

Maria, you're early in and feeling all the things we feel during that time. Think of all of the stages of grief - unfortunately, Acceptance is at the end. We all have to go through the four tough ones first. You'll get there. Be kind and patient with yourself. You've come to the right place, we all understand. The weather in NY is turning for the better, not sure where you live in NY 'cause it's big. I'm about an hour north of NYC. Short strolls are helpful.

Lori, I always appreciate your kind and helpful words. My daughter wants to go to NYC for our girls' trip (I promised her when I was better we would go on a girls' trip... at first she said Paris! and I said think United States and she goes London! I said that's still another country lol. So I said what about New England...which led to her now wanting to go to college in NYC and I'm not ready for her to be talking like that.

Whatever you want to share privately is fine. You can catch me off/on today. 3 months....12 weeks.... you did that already! Sometimes we don't know how strong we are until we have to be. Before my first surgery in July, my kids were really scared because I was sleeping all the time and barely able to eat, so we had a talk. I told them I know I don't look big and strong on the outside (I'm 5'2" - I think I have pictures on my IG of what I looked like at the sickest/worst point) but my strength is on the inside, and I promise I'll show you how hard I can fight. Some days I've had to fight to be there for them when I didn't feel like doing it for myself. This past year was filled with a lot of loss for me, and I'm still processing a lot too. Today is a good day, and I love that I have the energy to take care of my son while he is home sick. Yesterday I sat in a parking garage crying for a while after being at the hospital for 5 hrs of testing. I felt so done and defeated. Then I drove home to my kids (and dogs), and being with them is so good for my heart. On days you don't have it in you to fight for you, who or what else can you fight for?

My dogs have been so good for me to have around. When I had complications and was hating the NG tube, my MIL sent me a picture of my 3 dogs and said "Come on, get home. They're waiting."

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. It takes time. Think of when you first had the ileostomy done and how worse it was then. Now you're 3 months into it and probably have been experiencing teething problems along the way, but you have managed this far. You can do this. You have all the support and friends from every part of the world, so I am sure if you need anything, not just stoma-related, but laughter, tears, screaming, then we are right there with you. XX

Hi Maria,

Pay Jodee no mind, she's just jealous because you picked a normal username that doesn't start with "crappy". It goes with her Napoleon complex from being so short, but otherwise she's a very nice person. (Wink, wink)

Luv ya J! Don't change for anyone!

;O)

How old is she? I think you may have a city girl!

She's 11 going on 21 (I would do a bunch of cry face emojis here if I was on my phone). If you have anything in common with her like anything artistic, musical theater, hip hop, clothing/shopping you're welcome to borrow her. She listens to everyone else better than me. Yesterday she got home from school and instead of telling me all the girl drama from the day like she used to, she came in, saw me and her brother, didn't say anything, got a snack, and was going upstairs. I yelled her name and said, "Do you know how much I love you?!" And she goes, "UGH yes, mom!" and she says ugh like UGG. There are many new words I've had to learn. She and I communicate VERY differently, but she definitely has my sass/strong will.

Maria, I won't hijack your thread here and make it about how Bob likes to call me crappy and spell my name wrong. I was just reading some facts about Napoleon though and he sounds like a pretty inspirational guy. It shows how much someone can do regardless of their height, although I do think I am too short to be a flight attendant. But a friend on the short side can be one of the best you can have.

I hope today is a better one!

"But a friend on the short side can be one of the best you can have."

Yes they can.......think Munchkins, the Oompa Loompas, Mini-Me......

But thread hi-jackers should be keelhauled and boiled in oil. Or is that boiled in oil and then keelhauled?

Guess it doesn't matter much.

My favorite Napoleon quote: "It is not necessary to bury the truth. It is sufficient merely to delay it until nobody cares."

;O)

Maria, I might need you to step in here at some point if Bob keeps going. I've been with my sick kid since 4am and now we are sitting at the urgent care. I was reading my son some of the comments Bob has made here on YOUR thread to get him laughing and while it worked to distract him from some tests we both agreed we had to talk about some of Bob's comparisons. Munchkins=adorable and also little donuts. Oompa Loompas= their history not so pleasant- we googled Oompa Loompa history while waiting for test results.
and Mini me- stinkin cute and full of sass.

Fun size is the best size.

We just read a negative statement Napoleon made about women and how under his rule women did not have equal rights. So not so big a Napoleon fan unless we digress to Napoleon Dynamite. We're going to watch something about the Napoleon wars oversimplified or whatever it's called. I raised a history nerd ‍

All right, we are headed to Dunkin and getting some meds that my kid doesn't want to take. This mama needs coffee (but I make my own because it's better than Dunkin's ) Maria I would offer you something but it would be cold by the time I got it to you.

Happy Saturday y'all!

Haha, my brain went to the same place as yours. When Bob mentioned Napoleon, I immediately thought, "Do the chickens have large talons?" and was going to say that but I thought people would think I'd lost my marbles. I do hope your son is okay. We do go to humor when they're dealing with something unpleasant.

We had a really rough night, but hopefully on the mend now if he can keep down the meds.

Lori, I have a funny story for you (I feel like I may have said it somewhere so sorry if it's a repeat). They were doing a mono test (I was like my baby who is bigger than me is old enough to test for mono now?! Pretty sure I did the confused head tilt some dogs do when you talk to them) and now it's just a finger prick, but the nurse couldn't get blood from his pointer finger, so she went to try the middle finger. He's so sweet and polite he was trying not to lift the finger and I said just flip her off already it's fine this time. He was like "MOM!!!" Idk if anyone wants to come to me for parenting advice but this worked lol.

Bob, I have found your words enormously helpful. I too am struggling every day and really need to get some perspective on my situation. Not saying I can change my mindset overnight, but your words have given me hope. Thank you.

Well 'hi' Doreen.........and thank you. We're all in this together, so don't hesitate to reach out when you need to. It is all about perspective, and that takes time to figure out and adjust to. Back in the day when out picnicking or just relaxing on a Sunday afternoon I'd ask my girlfriend at that time if there was anyone she'd like to change places with........for any reason, and she'd ask me. We both could never think of anyone. That changed the day I got 'ostomized'. That day I couldn't think of anyone I didn't want to change places with. But time heals all wounds, and now I'm pretty much back to where I was. There might be one or two people I'd consider swapping places with, but there's way way more that I wouldn't. So hang in there, it really does get better! Promise.

;O)

Having a permanent Ostomy is a lot to emotionally deal with.  You mentioned other issues too.  It's hard to carry on with a mountain of hassle and uncertainty on your back.  Having an Ostomy is a pain in the ass.  Yes, we are thankful to be alive and delivered from sickness and pain.  But at a huge cost to our quality of life.  In the depths of my despair; when I was DONE!  When I couldn't take it anymore....I turned to a Bible Psalm my wife gave me.  I am not very religious.  But, over the months after leaving the hospital, I've gained faith. This new found faith has helped me deal with my new "normal."  A piece of intestine sticking out of my abdomen.  Yikes.

Below is the Psalm I was given in the hospital.  I read it every morning.

Psalm 18: 6, 16

In my distress I called to the Lord;  I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;  my cry came before him, into his ears.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; 

He drew me out of deep waters.

Like I mentioned, I'm not very religious.  We are still alive.  And where there is life, there is hope.  Faith helps me maintain that hope.

Take care

Dan