Betrayed and Heartbroken: Husband's Infidelity Leads to Divorce

Replies
46
Views
34117
leah

I used my husband's computer last Monday because mine broke down and
I saw pictures of him and a pretty young lady naked.
I confronted him about it and he said that since I've had my ileostomy, I've become unbearable to live with.
And he wants a divorce. I can't stop crying. He walked out on Tuesday and I haven't seen him since. I've called him and left messages, but nothing.
We have been married for 11 years. I had my operation 2 years ago.
I'm so hurt and confused.
Thank you for listening.
Leah.

notexpectingthis

Honey, if he left now, he was looking for a reason before the storm - GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!
Chin up! Prayers!

Melissa

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate
Top 5 Collections
Past Member

Hi Leah, don't blame yourself for stomping. You're alive and kicking. There's plenty of nice men who are understanding about these things we have. It's hard for you right now, but he's best gone out of your life since he doesn't love you. If he did, he would still be there for you and by your side. Stay strong. Take care, Ambies x

Yukon steve

I'm one of those fellows but I live too far away.

Primeboy

In spite of your present pain, you will soon be grateful for this riddance of truly bad rubbish in your life. Be grateful you won't be wasting any more good years on him. PB

 
Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister
cherylem

I'm so sorry, I will keep you in my prayers. Remember, you are made perfect in God's eyes, and maybe God wants something better for you. I know you're in pain and hurt, but you will get through all this. God bless you.
Cherylem

nwcurtis

You might be happier without him. Don't worry, his day is coming.

Past Member

Despite the devastation, I hope things are otherwise well, mostly ostomy-wise, but all things...

leah

Aw, thank you everyone for your lovely comments.
He's coming back tonight to collect most of his stuff.
I just don't understand.
I supported him for the whole ten years. I gave up work to nurse him through his throat cancer.
I then started my own little business to support us both (that I still have, thank God).

I feel I've been used and it's not a nice feeling.
Apart from this, I'm fine. Thank you for asking. I do appreciate it.

I got a lovely private message from Graham.
But I'm sorry, I can't figure out how to reply to you.
What a lovely person you are to take the time to send me a very encouraging message.
Thank you very, very much.
Leah.

three

Hi Leah, your situation and feelings remind me of a story I heard a long time ago:



Once upon a time, a traveler came across a shallow river he had to cross. Just when he was about to wet his feet, he saw a scorpion trying to get out of the river. It was near the bank but unable to gain hold of the ground. He picked up the scorpion in his right palm with the intention to place it on the dry surface, but the scorpion stung him and rushed off his palm in a frenzy, landing in the water again. The traveler yelped in pain, but his mind was calm.

Knowing the scorpion could drown, the man used his left hand to lift the scorpion out of the water; however, it panicked and stung again. Once again, it jumped off his hand and landed in the water. The man now had two hands singed with excruciating pain.

He tried again ā€” this time, he cupped his hands together and lifted the scorpion in one swift movement. Before it could react, he safely dropped it on the land. The scorpion disappeared into the pebbles that lay near the bank.

At a distance, a young boy had watched this drama. He now approached the traveler and said, "There was no need to save the scorpion ā€” it does no good to anybody; however, if you must try to save him out of compassion, you could have tried only once. I'm surprised that even after it ungratefully stung you, you persisted with your efforts. Why? How come you did not just stomp on it after it stung you?"

The traveler replied, "The scorpion's nature is to sting, to panic, to harm. It is known for not exhibiting any compassion, but I strive to love unconditionally. Because the scorpion will not change its basic nature, should I allow it to change me, to throw me off my principles? When I am true to my nature, my experience of inner peace is always my guaranteed reward.
notexpectingthis

I loved that story three!

budd002
This reminds me a lot of my life. The only difference is that I felt I was the damaged one. I pushed my husband away. That was 10 years ago. Although he was the one trying to convince me to stay, in my own mind, I was no longer any good and he deserved a better woman, a complete woman.

Over the last 10 years, he has still remained a good friend. Of course, that took a long time to come. I honestly couldn't have been happier since he and I split up. I am grateful for his friendship now.

Over the years we were together, he was verbally abusive toward me. When we would fight, he said some very hurtful things to me that have left deeper scars than the operations.

Let him go! Remember what goes around comes around. There is someone out there for you that will love you and accept your ostomy.

It really would be a shame if a bottle of bleach were to spill all over his clothes though hahahaha. Oops, did I type that out loud??

Stay strong and keep living your life. He's not worth your tears and undeserving of them! The hurt goes away.
Past Member

I am a man and he didn't just start cheating, hun. He used you as an excuse, so don't worry, you're better off.

Past Member

If you wanna chat, email me. I am in Georgia.

tif-tif

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Keep your head up! It's his loss! You have a lot to be thankful for. Prayers go out to you.

bmeup

Hi Leah, I am so sorry to read that you have been treated so badly. I know it feels like a punch in the gut, but you'll catch your breath and carry on. I must offer a different take on this, though. I know the first response from caring friends is usually to say there will come another better person for you in the future. For many years early in my marriage, I wanted children and could not get my husband to go along with the idea. He always wanted to talk about it later. Around the age of 35, I decided with myself that I was no longer going to keep that wish alive. I began to search for ways to replace my desire for children with other meaningful activities. It worked, and by the time I entered law school at age 39, I was quite comfortable with the idea of never being a mother and having fun being the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews. Well, wouldn't you know while still in first-year courses, I became pregnant! Totally unplanned and unexpected. He turned out to be the greatest blessing of my life. I did not finish law school, and I am now divorced. Life is still difficult, but it's better than it would have been had I stayed married to a person who no longer loved me. My friends have all said to me many times "you'll find someone better". The best thing for me has been to let go of that idea entirely. In much the same way I did years before I got pregnant, I have consciously trained my mind on the thought that there actually may not be someone for me, and that's okay. I have many things and people in my life who fill my heart with joy and show me every day how much they appreciate the fact that I am alive and still here with them. I know how heartbreaking it is to be rejected by someone you've loved for a long time, but the heart is a healer and mends itself. Just let it do its job and keep your mind focused on the love you receive from better, kinder people. Bless you, Dear, and peace on you. Big hugs!

single in wisconsin

Hi, sorry about your husband cheating on you. It's so hard to go on because the "why" will not be answered. Trust me, I know. I caught my husband in bed and the woman was wearing my clothes. She answered the door, turned around, and said to my husband, "It's your wife at the door." He had changed the locks on the door. I had our daughter who was then two. She became pregnant when he said he didn't want any more kids. I divorced him and he didn't stay with her either. I was better off without him. He is on his sixth wife. He will never change and it wasn't my fault, just like it isn't your fault. Love will come again and your heart will never forget, but it will heal. God bless you.

C Cogan

Hi Leah: What a horrible, selfish man. You are well rid of him. Keep your chin up and stay strong. My husband left me years ago with six children ages 3 to 13, and no money. Everything will work out. My thoughts are with you. Blessings, Cynthia

leah

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support.
I have to be honest and say I'm having a hard time. I don't understand.
But I'm keeping busy with my work and spring cleaning the house as there's lots of space now. He's taken lots of stuff, he has taken one of my pets too.
He spent an hour on the phone the other night telling me how I'm one life's good ones and he never meant to hurt me, and that he's sorry. I stayed strong and said "Yes, too good for you" and hung up. I think I will sell my house and move after Christmas.
I think I'm looking forward to my new life.
Once again, thank you. I'm sorry many of you have been through the same thing.
Life can be cruel, can't it?

janee

Hi Leah
After reading your blog, I just had to reply. I stayed with my husband for 7 years after my ostomy. He just couldn't handle it and was nasty to me on many occasions. I finally, after counseling, decided that I did not wish to spend the rest of my life feeling that I had to apologize for being an ostomate. I was married to this man for almost 41 years! I asked for a divorce almost 2 years ago, and I can tell you now, that was the right thing to do. I met the loveliest man eight months ago and he is loving, compassionate, and understanding of my ostomy. I wanted to let you know that like me, you are better off without someone who cannot support you. There will always be that wonderful man out there for you, I am sure. Love, Janee XX

bubby

What a low life. Love, war, is the same. Why do nice women dig men like that? See it on all levels. You are better off, Primeboy is right.

PRIVACY

Hi Leah.

Good to see that you are being strong, hard as it is. Don't be too hasty in selling the house as it is an asset. I know it is filled with memories, but just think before you sell. If you don't have to sell, then keep it if you can. Yes, you are one of life's good ones, but obviously he was blind to see it and opened his eyes elsewhere and found a naked bimbo. And I bet he did not tell her anything. We all say we did not mean to hurt people, but we do, no matter who it is. The thing is, we all don't consider the implications when we do things. It's all a matter of sitting down and working things out together. Yes, life is full of ups and downs, and you have had more than your fair share of them. And you did not bargain for this nor your illness, but you got through your illness and you will get through this little bump in the road to your new life, which is just going to begin and get stronger for you. Actually, maybe selling the house might be a good thing as a new beginning and new area, but just work it out carefully as it can be a mistake sometimes in moving away. Best of luck and keep smiling.

Dalai Momma

Hi Leah, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I wanted to tell you that my best friend caught her husband having an affair. She was perfectly healthy but was shocked to learn that he had been cheating on her during her pregnancy with their third child, which was his desire to have. The ordeal was ugly and he left her and his three young children for the other woman. For years afterward, my friend went on a personal tirade against herself, always questioning what she had done wrong and was convinced that she must be unlovable if "even her own husband didn't love her." The truth is that people have their own stuff going on inside - hidden from everyone else. This was totally a him thing and not a her thing. Today, he lives miserably with this other woman who berates, judges, and dominates him. My friend, though still very hurt inside, lives a great life and has grown to love herself again. You hold on, girlie. I doubt that he despises you. He probably despises himself. Whatever you do, don't forget that life is precious and your odds of even being on this planet are about a gazillion to one. You made it this far - have faith that this pain will be replaced with love in your future. Peace, Robin

eastexasrn

I can't tell you how mad this made me! I agree with everyone else on here and you have surely received some wonderful advice! The man would have nothing left to come and get if it were my house...except maybe a few ashes! Karma will see that he gets his...it's just too bad you can't be there to watch it! He needs an ass whooping! I wished he were here in Texas so I could give it to him! After the devastation, you will get angry....then you will get over his sorry butt and on to something much better. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. You may not see it now, but just wait and I bet you might be pleasantly surprised. Sorry you had to go through this. But at least you found out before he possibly gave you a disease from the other women! He did you a favor in the end.

leah

Aw, thank you all again for your very kind words and advice,
I'm not sure if I have given the wrong impression of my hubby,
but he wasn't a bad person,
even after 10 years he still opened doors for me, pulled a chair out for me, etc., and we never ever argued. I think this is why I'm confused.

I found the pictures and emails on his PC the day before our holiday,
I decided to still go on the cruise with him because, well, for one I paid for it and two he said he would go on his own if I didn't go (ha, I could just see him riding the seas like a king without me there). I think what made my mind up that I couldn't continue with him was because he was being so nice to me. It was creepy (hard to explain). I felt sick when he would put his hand on my back to escort me out of the lift or off the ship.
He thinks we should still be friends, but I really want to cut all ties with him.

And yes, I wish I had it in me to kick his ass and empty the house,
but I haven't.

Privacy, I was only thinking of selling my house because I'd like to go back to Shipley,
it's only 10 minutes away but it's where I lived for years and loved it.
I only moved here because he wanted to be out in the wilds of Yorkshire (cold and hilly).
Leah x

eastexasrn

I say cut all ties...he is just keeping you for whenever those youngsters ditch him! Don't settle for that! If your instinct tells you "creepy" and uneasy feeling with this "nice guy", there is a reason!!! Good thing you didn't "slip off the side of the boat" is all I gotta say! Cut the ties and get rid of any and everything that belongs to him! Easier to get over them when outta sight and outta mind. I would also not let him know of a new address....at least not for a good while. Good luck and best wishes with this!

Past Member

It can't be good if you're creeped out.

leah

Thank you Eastexasrn.
Your right, I think I'd already made up my mind to stop all dealings with him.
I printed off his emails before he changed his password,
and with every one I read, I dislike him that little bit more.
They go back for nearly a year.

When I would ask him what he was doing on the internet at night, he would always say
he was playing internet backgammon or playing poker.
Leah,

eastexasrn

Yeah... lie, cheat, and he probably would even steal at this point! You didn't deserve this.... and are too good to waste time on him. Like they always say.... love/attention that you must chase after and is not given freely just ain't worth having!

renee851

I am so sorry for your loss and hurt. I bet he was doing these things before your operation but now is using it as an excuse. You don't need such a self-centered person in your life. Rely on friends right now. They will provide you with a lot more comfort.

* Please, do not post contact information, personal information or advertising.
All times are GMT - 5 Hours