Just for Laughs!

Hey there, I think we should all laugh more in our lives. They are proving it's good for you, so join me in having a giggle--PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANY OFFENSE--THESE ARE MEANT TO BE FUNNY ONLY, OK!!
Thank you all, X

The 1979 Budget.
The country was in a terrible state,
The Parliament sat for a budget debate.
It was quite a few moments before Fraser spoke, then he said "Sex will cost two bucks a poke, whether you're short, long, skinny or thick, the tax will be paid by the use of your prick".
Treasurer Howard rose and looked rather glum, "Will I be exempt cause I only like bum"?
Malcolm replied and sounded quite angry, "You'll pay double you dirty old fairy".
Up rose Jim Carnes with tremendous applause; he grabbed hold of Juni and ripped off her drawers. He straddled across her and f*#k her at will, then shouted to Malcolm - "Put that on the bill!"
Gough Whitlam then shouted, "I think I'll resign, I haven't had sex for a very long time, I dream every night for a juicy big crutch! But two bucks ago is too flipping much".
The debate carried on -- Oh what a sight,
Peacock was wanking the whole bloody night.
Now in the bedrooms in Australia at night, there's many a fanny that's closed good and tight.
They're taxing our booze and taxing our smokes and now the bastards are taxing our pokes.
If two bucks a grind is the price we must pay, it's now with ourselves we must play.
To quench our frustrations we have a wank and for the state of the country we have Fraser to thank.
AMEN

Now i am a true-blue-aussie and proud of it ,which means we are able to laugh at ourselves too,So here goes,anyone else out there like this?
THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO BEING AN AUSSIE!
(1) The bigger the hat---the smaller the farm.
(2) The shorter the nick-name, the more they like you.
(3) Whether its the opening of Parliment or the lauch of a new Art Gallery, there is no Aussie event that cannot be improved by a sausage-sizzle.
(4) If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie,he's probably a media billionaire.Or on the other hand, he may BE a wharfie.
(5) There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of TOMATO SAUCE.
(6) On the beach,all aussies hide their keys wallets by placing them inside their sand shoes.No thief has ever worked this out.
(7) Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
( The Alpha Male in any group is he who takes the BBQ tongs from the hands of the Host and blithely begins turning the snags.
(9) It's not summer until the steering whell is too hot to hold.
(10) It is proper to refer to best friend as "a total bastard ".By contrast,your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard"
(11) If it cant be fixed with panyhose and fencing wire--its not worth fixing.
(12) The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
(13) Its considered better to be down on your luck-than up-ur-self.
(14) The phrase" we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
(15) If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the hosts beer,(dont worry, he'll have catered for it).
(16) The phrase"a simple picnic" is not known.You should take everything you own.If you dont need to take three trips back to the car,you're not trying.
(17) On picnics, the esky is always too small,creating a food V beer battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
(1 Finally,there comes a time in his/hers life when they realise that the Aerogard is worse than the Mozzies.
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Two old ladies who lived in an old age home were getting slightly bored, so they thought of ways to try and liven things up a bit. Each one went into the shower rooms and stripped naked, then went running as fast as they could through all the halls and TV room. Two old boys who were just relaxing for a while noticed. "Wow, did you see that Fred?" asked the younger one.
"Yeah, sure did, but whatever they were wearing needed ironing!!".
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Top 10 Party Games for People Over 70.
(1) Sag! You're it!
(2) Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.
(3) Twenty Questions (shouted in your ear)
(4) Red Rover. (The nurse says bend over)
(5) Kick the Bucket.
(6) Pass the Pain-Killers.
(7) Simon Says. (Something incoherent)
(8) Musical Recliners.
(9) Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
(10) Hide and Go Pee.

How to speak about men and be politically correct.
(1) He does not have a beer gut--he has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.
(2) He is not a bad dancer--he is overly Caucasian.
(3) He does not get lost all the time--he investigates alternative destinations.
(4) He is not balding--he is in follicle recession.
(5) He is not a cradle snatcher--he prefers generationally differential relationships.
(6) He does not get falling down drunk--he becomes accidentally horizontal.
(7) He does not act like a total asshole--he develops a case of rectal cranial inversion.
(8) He is not a male chauvinistic pig--he has swine empathy.
(9) He is not afraid of commitment--he is monogamously challenged..
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Re-spelling it out.
Mother-in-law......Woman Hitler.
George Bush......He bugs Gore.
Dormitory.......Dirty room.
Evangelist........Evil's agent.
Presbyterian........Best in prayer.
Desperation........A rope ends it.
The Morse Code......Here come dots.
Slot Machines......Cash lost in me.
Animosity........Is no amity.
Snooze Alarms.........Alas, no more z's.
A Decimal Point.......I'm a dot in place.
The Earthquakes......That queer shake.
Eleven plus two........Twelve plus one.
President Clinton of the USA......To copulate he finds interns.
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How to speak about women and be politically correct.
(1) She is not a babe or a chick - she is a breasted citizen.
(2) She is not easy - she is horizontally accessible.
(3) She is not dumb - she is a detour off the information super-highway.
(4) She has not been around - she is a previously enjoyed companion.
(5) She is not an airhead - she is reality impaired.
(6) She does not get drunk or tipsy - she gets chemically inconvenienced.
(7) She is not horny - she is sexually focused.
(*) She does not have breast implants - she is medically enhanced.
(9) She does not nag you - she becomes verbally repetitive.
(10) She is not a slut - she is sexually extroverted.
(11) She does not have premier league hooters - she is pectorally superior.
(12) She is not a two-bit slapper - she is a low-cost service provider.
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Ok, thought I better even it out, lol

Would anyone like to add? I have plenty to go around, but would like to see some new ones.

Hey folks, there are more jokes out there... seem to have lost them in here somewhere. Ok, I'm only new at this, help!!!!!

Two old ladies are sitting on the porch of the old folks home. Says the first lady, "Edith, did you and John ever have mutual orgasms?" "Why no," says Edith, "I believe we had State Farm."

Ok people, surely someone else knows a few??

A cowboy passing through town stopped at the local saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he left the bar sometime later, he discovered his horse had been stolen.
The cowboy strode back into the bar, flipped his gun in the air, caught it without looking, and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled. No one answered. "Ok, I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell ya, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas."
Some of the locals shifted uneasily. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. He climbed into the saddle. "Say," asked a curious yokel, "What happened back in Texas?"
The cowboy turned around and drawled, "I had to walk home!".
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Actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without cling free.
* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
* Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.
So next Sunday, he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink and then another drink and so on. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door.
(1). Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
(2). There are 10 commandments, not 12.
(3). There are 12 disciples, not 10.
(4). Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
(5). Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
(6). We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
(7). The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
(*). David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
(9). When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
(10). We do not refer to the cross as the "big T".
(11). When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper, he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body," he did not say "eat me".
(12). The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry".
(13). The recommended grace before a meal is not, "Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub.
(14). Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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A pro photographer was taking a group photo of workers and machinery in a factory. He adjusted the tripod and draped the black cloth over the camera and himself.
Two factory girls watched with great interest and one said, "What's he doing?"
The other replied, "He's going to focus."
"What? All of us?

Ok, what am I doing wrong? How come my jokes don't come up when I reply to a post? I keep putting them in but have to muck around to find them... I'm computer illiterate - help.

Ok, I got it, duh!!! Ok, read on and hope you find these funny.

[listCopy of a letter from a Melbourne "Gentleman" in reply to a final demand notice;
DearSir,
Your super-heated letter arrived tis morning in a envelpoe with a penny stamp on it and would have given the boy and myself much pleasure, had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of what happened a long time ago.You thought the account could have been settled before, and could not understand why it couldnt.
In 1934 I brought a sawmill on credit- in 1935 I brought a team of horses,a timber wagon, two ponies, a shotgun, a crystal ball and two razor pigs all on credit.In 1936 the bloody Mill burnt down leaving not a thing,one of the ponies died and I loaned the other to the stupid bastard who starved it to death after which I joined the Church.
In 1937 my father died, my mother was hanged for raping an old pensioner,a tramp seduced my daughter and I had to pay him $50 to keep him from becoming my relative.In 1938 my boy got the mumps and it went straight to his balls, so he had to be castrated to save his life.Later I went fishing and the bloody boat over-turned drowning two of my lads, neither being the one who was castrated.
In 1939 my wife ran off with a shearer leaving me a pair of twins as a souveniers, then I had to have a house-keeper to keep down the costs, I evenually married her.But had a job to get her pregnant so I went to the doctor who advised me to create some excitement at the crucial moment.That night I took my shotgun to bed and at the crucial time I leaned out of my bed,grabbed my gun and fired out the window.The wife shit herself,I ruptured myself.And I discovered in the morning that I shot the best cow I ever had.
In 1940 I was buggered to hell and took to drinking.I didnt stop until all I had left was a pocket watch and a weak bladder.This for a time kept me busy,winding the watch and running for a pee.Until a year I took heart again and bought a manure spreader reaper, binder and a car.Then the floods came washed the bloody lot away.My wife contracted V.D from a travelling salesman and my boy died from wiping his bum on a infected rabbit skin.To cap it all, someone mated my best cow with a wandering camel.
It surprised me very much when you said you would make trouble for me if I didnt pay.If you can think of any trouble that I have missed then I would be pleased to hear from you about it.Trying to get money out of me is like trying to poke some butter up a porcupines arse with a red hot knitting needle.I am praying for a shower of skunk shit to pass your way and I hope the centre of it will be over the bunch of bastards who sent me this demand........your for credit.....
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A two-seater plane crashed in a cemetery in Ireland. Rescue workers recovered 700 bodies.
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There was this bloke who had just won $3 million in the Lotto, so he rings his wife and says, "Guess what darl? I've won the lottery! Pack your bags."
"Oh, that's fantastic," says the wife. "What shall I pack--summer clothes or winter clothes?"
And the bloke says, "I don't care--just as long as you're gone by the time I get home!"
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"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."
"That's very fair, Your Honour," the husband said. "And just to show there's no hard feelings----every now and then I'll try to send a few bucks myself!"
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Single blonde female seeks male companion. Ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your ute, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work - wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxx-xxx and ask for Daisy.

More than 150 men found themselves talking to the RSPCA (animal shelter) about a 9-week-old Golden Retriever.
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There were 6 guys that were out of a band on holidays on the Gold Coast. They had been sunbathing on the beaches for 3 weeks now and had a great tan, but one night in their motel rooms they noticed that everywhere was tanned but their genitals.
So they decided that for the last 3 days left of their vacation they would find a nice quiet beach so they could be tanned all over.
The next day on a lonely beach they got naked and then covered themselves with sand.
Walking down the beach not far from the guys were a couple of newlyweds. Holding hands and saying nice things to each other, they were so in love. Just as they approached the almost buried guys, the young woman looked down and gasped. She turned back to her new husband and claimed, "Look, I married you for one of those, and here they are growing wild!"..
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A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up onto the footpath and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again, you scared the shit out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a little tap on the shoulder could scare the driver so much. The driver replied, "Sorry mate, it's not your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving bloody hearses for the past 25 years!".
tada! ------------------------------

A woman picked up a can of flyspray and handed it to the shop assistant.
As he was ringing up the price, the woman tapped him on the shoulder and asked, "Is this good for cockroaches?". The shop assistant looked at the can, then replied, "No lady, it'll bloody kill them".
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You know it's going to be a bad day when;
---You wake up face down on the pavement.
---You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
---You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
---You see a 60 Minutes news team on your front doorstep.
---Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
---You want to put on the clothes you wore home from last night's party and there aren't any.
---You turn on the news and they're showing emergency exit routes out of the city.
---Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
---You wake up to discover your waterbed has a leak and realize you don't have a waterbed.
---Your horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hells Angels on the freeway.
---Your partner wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
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10 Ways you can tell you drink too much coffee;
1) You ski uphill.
2) You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
3) You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
4) You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
5) You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
6) You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
7) You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
8) You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
9) You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
There is no 10 as you forgot to write it down while you have your coffee!
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Shorty walked into a chemist the other day and asked for "A dozen condoms please miss".
"Don't miss me young man!" she said irritably.
"Ok then make it 13".
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Little Annie had just listened to her mother reading one of her favorite fairy tales. "Mummy," asked the child, "does every fairy tale begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No dear," sighed her mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling I have to work back a little late at the office tonight.........'".
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A chain letter for women only.
This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women.

Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost a thing.

Just send a copy of this letter to five (5) of your friends who are equally tired and discontented, then bundle up your husband, boyfriend or lover and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 18,877 men, and one of them has to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have!

Do not break the chain. Have faith!
One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back.
At the time of writing this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 men. They buried her yesterday. But it took three undertakers 38 hours to get the smile off her face and 2 days to get her legs together so they could close the coffin.

YOU MUST HAVE FAITH!!!!.

12 Signs that you hired the wrong clown for your kids' birthday party.

(1) By the end of the party, he has every kid doing the "Pull the finger" trick.
(2) Keeps yelling, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO.
(3) The props for his 'disappearing trick' include a moving van and your widescreen TV.
(4) Shows the kids a snuff film of him killing the Teletubbies.
(5) Twists your pet dachshund in a knot, then begins slapping himself in the face and screaming, "Oh god! Not again! Not again!"
(6) Starts each trick with, "Here's a little number I learned in prison.
(7) Wears a stained T-shirt that reads, "Drug-free since March".
(8) A sad clown is one thing - a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.
(9) Laughingly asks the kids to give him all their money, then says, "No, seriously... give me all your f*#*ing money".
(10) His balloon animals are ribbed and flavored.
(11) Sits in a corner of the living room and keeps saying, "I can see dead people".
(12) Calls Spanky the hand-puppet his bitch.
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Things you will never hear a true blue Aussie say;

*) "I like ballet but not as much as I enjoy opera".
*) "Mind if I switch the channel from the Weakest Link to SBS?"
*) "That Phillip Adams is a brilliant writer".
*) "I'll have a Perrier with a lime twist please".
*) "So.....what did you think of Woody Allen's latest film?"
*) "I'd shop at one of those $2 shops but everything there looks so tacky".
*) "Who's Peter Brock??"
*) "I'll stick to light beer thanks".
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12 country western songs you will never hear on the radio.

1/ How can I miss you if you won't go away?
2/ I don't know whether to kill myself or go bowling.
3/ I bought a car from a guy who stole my girlfriend, but it won't run-so we're even.
4/ I still miss you baby, but my aim is getting better.
5/ I wouldn't take her to a dog-fight, 'cause I'm afraid she will win.
6/ I'm so miserable without you, it's like having you here.
7/ If I can't be no:1 in your life, then no:2 on you.
8/ I haven't gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I've sure woken up with a few.
9/ My wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss him.
10/ She got the ring - I got the finger.
11/ You done tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
12/ You're the reason our kids are so ugly.
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A man suffering from impotence went to see a doctor, who gave him a new injection made from monkey glands.
Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby. When the nurse came out of the delivery room, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"We won't know till it comes down off the chandeliers".
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WHATS IN A NAME!
Now folks I only have mens names--so anyone out there got the female version,please add it,thanks.

Aaron--ugly but hung like a horse,prone to belly-button fluff.
Adam--cute,funny,chics dig him,well hung,very caring.
Adrian--usually short and very horny,watches cartoons.
Alan--shy but sensitive,gets screwed over by women.
Alex--cute and short but a bit of a cheat.
Andy--boring and has a small pecker.
Antonio--has a great body and beautiful skin,but a chicken brain.
Anthony--great guy and kind to all girls.
Arnold--a loser.
Arthur--hung like a slave and celibate.
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Barry--lights fires,pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.
Ben--funny and can be hard to beat at games.
Bob--quiet and unpopular,eats with his hands.
Brad--thinks everyone likes him...but they dont.
Brendan--quiet and sweet,gets beaten up all the time.
Brett--really insensitive,but women love him.
Brian--mean and only thinks of himself-no he's not the Messiah,he's just a naughty boy.
Bryan--sexy but stupid....cant spell.
Bruce--stinks bad and thinks everyone elses name is Bruce.
Bryce--fun to be with and will make you laugh,but you'll kill him within a week.
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Calvin--immature in a naive way and drives a Gemini.
Carl--thinks he's funny....but he's not and he always falls asleep during sex.
Chad--cute,sensitive and very studly-only found in American movies.
Charles--cant trust him,eyes too close together.
Chris--cant pull,will pay for a woman,but has a huge pecker and can use it.
Christian--very sexy and seductive(think Legends of the falls)
Clark--hilarious and always in trouble,problem with 'jailbait'.
Cliff--very sweet and adores girls,but very superficial.
Cole--nice,funny and fun to be around.
Con--lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory--funny but ugly,ends up running fashion magazine.
Craig--tries to fit in but becomes easily addicted to drugs.
Cyril--well,Cyril.
-----------------the rest r coming

Damien--total loser in a sweaty kind of way
Dan--quiet but funny,but becomes easily addicted to drugs.
Daniel--enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren--charming but sleeps with men.
Daryl--smells bad and has no real mates.
David--hotty and works out a lot.
Dave--funny,intelligent,stylish,trendsetter-ie,a real wanker.
Dean--full of himself and thinks with his penis.
Dennis--either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek--has a great sense of humour and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic-- hilarious and willing to do anything to please.
Don--dickhead.
Doug--has a greasy face,drinking problem and farts a lot.
Drew--a bad arsed loser who never shuts up.
Dylan--horny bastard who cant sing.
Dwayne--cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
-------------------
Eddie--wants too many chics he'll never get cos he's an arsehole.
Elliott--full of himself.
Eric--shy,retiring kind of chap.
Evan--a little slow but sweet,sexy and a model mental patient.
--------------
Frank--"different"---missing DNA.Favours girls named Lucy.
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Gareth--sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary--drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin--likes bondage and S M.
Geoff--prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George--barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen--the sweetest guy-really down to earth.
Graham--very hard to understand,likes group sex.
Grant--HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg--really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
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Harry--covers his back.
Harvey--cute,but addicted to sex/drugs.
Hayden--tries hard.
Howard--likes small-breasted women and pornography.
-------------------
Ian--really popular but knows all the girls want him.
---------------
Jake--shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie--Scum of the earth.
James--same as above.
Jay--very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff--really ugly.
Jeremy--loud and thinks that he's all that he says he is.
Jesse--unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack--stupid but hot.Always right.
Jason--well natured,but can be very annoying.
Jim--sweet,has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe--honest sort of guy.Built like a bear,but tends to lose his head.
Joel--anally retentive.
John--has no friends or life....tends to kill small animals.
Jonathon--thinks he's good....he's shit.
Jordon--sexy but weird in bed.
Josh--full of himself but fun.
Justin--aggravating but loveable,insecure but successful.
--------------------
OK WELL FINGERS GOING NUMB NOW!! WILL CONTINUE LATER..Makes you wonder hey?

Kevin - always attracts really fit girlfriends..also has a large penis.
Keith - good person to talk to when you have a problem..his is always worse.
Kenneth - very, very.....anything you want him to be.
Kim - very understanding and caring, but feels lost in Korea.
Kurt - can kick anyone's butt.
Kyle - hornball who eats too many corn chips.
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Larry - cute but wannabe player with big butt.
Laurie - short and funny looking.
Lee - girl dressed as a boy.
Lewis - lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon - can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam - loud-mouthed A-hole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.
Lorenzo - fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas - fat loser.
Luke - seems to be sweet.
--------------
Malcolm - tall man who tends to lose his daks.
Mark - wished girls liked him for who he is not his great looks.
Matt - the fat boy of the class, likes sweets and full of shit.
Michael - very good looking but will do anything for a girl.
Mick - always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mitchell - doesn't get any.
Mohammed - tiny penis.
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Nathan-- stupidas hell and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick--Horny! but really nice-cant get past the missionary position.
Neil--sweet and will do anything in this world for you.
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Oliver--likes men but is in denial.
Oscar--loser.....a good name for a god.
Owen--cute guy who is immature and sings welsh songs.
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Patrick--drunk,drunk,drunk.
Paul--cool calm and handsome,a quality only normally found in gays.
Peter--cutie but very shy,makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip--stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
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Rhys--great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.
Ricky--ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Richard--cant stop wanking and has more wet dreams than anybody.
Rob--small and ugly....everybody hates him.
Roy--total loser...but computer genius.
Rupert--arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he's a stud.
Russell--likes to plat in the leaves which makes him an A-hole.
Ryan--short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
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Sam--wannabe sex machine.
Scott--has serious deficiencies.
Sean--has small testicles and no friends.
Seth--so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane--thinks everybody wants to bonk him.......he's a virgin.
Shannon--the most determined and persevering.
Simon--likes a night out with the lads and curries.Talks bollocks.
Steve--popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stuart--droll guy with great arse and great in bed.
--------------------
Tim--hot but a bit strange,can never tell where he is.
Toby--bastard.
Tom--cool but can be arrogant.
Tony--hot,sweet and totally fun to be with.
Travis--fat and horny with the best stamp collection to be found.
Trevor--sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy--cute and popular.
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Warren--cool dude.
Wesley--great guy and easy to tolerate.
William--wishes he were popular.
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Zach--sweet and polite and adorable.
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Phew!!!! done--thats the longest one folks--so hang in there...more to come, but shorter,lolololol