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How many dates should a girl wait to tell?


I've been advised that I don't wait long enough. I've also been told that I was a "time waster" for waiting too long to mention it. Also, how do people approach showers for the first time with a lover...or feel confident enough to walk around in our birthday suit in front of them, knowing they will still see us as 'sexy' with nothing on?

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As for the shower part I think you might like the stretch natural color band - it covers well, looks good and makes the intimate part of looking "normal" so much easier.  If you are handy with a serger, you can have a lot of fun with different designs.  You have to cover the vent with a sticker anyway - and when you dry off , you can change the  cover to a different one - I bought one and custom make my own in colors to go with clothing.  



I'm married now, but dated for a while with the big O. I tried to tell people as soon as possible. I didn't want to feel dishonest or like I was tricking people (get them to like me then tell them something hard). Plus, like it or not we have a natural a****le detector: if anyone bolts or acts like a d**k after we tell them, the less time we've wasted on a deadend.

Good luck,



Hi Spritual living,

I have heard that waiting til the hands are starting to go below the neck/chest area is a good time to gently communicate the issue.

I myself brought it up the first day I met my guy in person. We had met at the botanical gardens....a nuetral place and I brought coffee and home baked scones. We ended up talking, etc 8 hours! By the last couple hours I gently explained that I had been very sick and that I had ended up the way I did. I put his hand over the pouch area and explained what it was and that it had saved my life. I also told him that it would be ok if he couldn't accept it. But he did:)

If a person needs space to fully comprehend and process the info, then ok. But if they really have compassion and an open heart they will accept you. If not, no problem. Best to know now. Life gets rocky and if they are bailers, be grateful to know now.

It is important to be confident in your own worth. If you value you in an authentic manner, then chances are you will attract someone who will too.

All the best.



it is such a hard topic to bring up, but for me,  I waited till my 3rd date to tell  this new guy. He said to me if it affected anything to do sexually and I said no. He then said, that he liked the rest of the package. They just need some time to get to know you a little before you bring it up. Just saying.....


I guess it really depends on where the relationship is going. If it's a guy you meet every couple of weeks for a date then there's no rush. But if you start to get feelings quickly (or he does), ANY important life concern/issues should be discussed, such as cray ex-spouses, any disease (sexual or not), family issues such as dying parents. 

This is when you want to be open and honest and want to see what kind of person you really are talking to.


I love this advice.  Address the issue when you would normally be addressing the topic of sex when you did not have a bag.  :-)  And all the other good thoughts . . . like.


Hi vikinga.

Just to say,  what a lovely reply to (I imgine) a difficult problem.  Your email was lovely, and I know it will be useful for me, even though I am married.  Loved the coffee and baked scones bit! All the best.   Ngaire.

I told my husband about BOTH my bags on our 1st official date (we met on the Monday at 12midday, I told him/showed him on Wednesday at 8pm... We've been married 4 YEARS tomorrow! He still sees me as sexy. GOOD LUCK*
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