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Dumped because of ostomy

Posted by Hola, on Mon Feb 08, 2016 11:46 am

Well it doesn't sound like that was a healthy relationship at all.  I'm in the same situation,  newly divorced and struggling with dating in today's world.  I recently met a young lady that said something I don't think I'll ever forget.  She told me that I should view the bag as a barometer that measures a person's character.  She went on to say that most people don't find out until they are all the way into the relationship that the person isn't worthy of them and this will help weed out the ones who aren't.  I thought that was pretty insightful.

Reply by Hola, on Mon Feb 08, 2016 12:36 pm

Hi Vanessa

Can you provide more informat ion on the corsets please?   I have been thinking about making something that's pretty and covera it all up

Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Mar 13, 2016 2:36 pm

I agree with Redondo. I have had my Illeostomy for 35 years. My divorce had nothing to do with my surgery, it was not an issue. I learned how to camouflage it and still feel sexy. When I started dating, I too, wondered when to tell them. I don't think you need to tell someone up front. Not until you get to know them and discover if YOU are even interested in them, and if there is chemistry. They also need to get to know you. After you discover you both are interested then you can tell them. I have had nothing but positive experiences. In fact, it was the men who helped me heal being self-conscious and feeling unworthy. There are compassionate men out there. 



Reply by Kral, on Wed Jun 29, 2016 2:03 pm

Hi everyone

It is sad to hear how many people split with their mate after health problems, just when they need care/support and love the most. I had my surgery due to Ulcerative Colitis about 10years ago and I am doing as well as can be expected, I guess. My wife is supportive and understanding, but there has been no sex for a long time. I know we are getting older, but I still miss that part of our relationship. She insists that it has nothing to do with the bag and she has just lost her sex drive. I am not discounting her explanation, but I wonder if it is the whole truth and how honest she is being(posssibly even with herself). I can't help feeling that she could make some attempt to regain the physical part of our relationship. I feel that without sex, life and our relationship is just not the same. This is the one place where I can talk to someone about it, so I am greatful for the opportunity to talk to others about this and other issues. Take care, all the best..Heinrich

Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Wed Jun 29, 2016 4:31 pm

It is very possible that your wife has lost her desire for sex and has nothing to do with your surgery. It happens to women after menopause. There are also ways you can camouflage your appliance by wearing something like a "tube top" around the stomach in a skin tone color. It hides and holds the appliance in place and does not get in the way. It comes in a stretchy type material. If you can't find any in the store, ask a seamstress to make you a few. I would also recommend you communicate with your wife about how you are feeling and ask if there is anything you can do to help her feel more romantic. Also, little romantic gestures on your part might help as well. Hope this helps.

Reply by bdawn, on Sat Jul 30, 2016 9:44 pm

I know exactly how you feel. I was married for 23 years. He suffers from borderline personality disorder and I got out when the timing was right.   I got married at 18 so I dont have a lot of dating experience. 6 months after the divorce I had complications from elective surgery and have the ostomy which is suppose to be temporary. Ive tested the response by telling some of my friends and have had mixed results.

I remember coming out of surgery and realizing I had the ostomy and said "this will but a real damper on my dating life." The surgeon quickly responded, "if he doesnt like it then he probably wasnt worth it." 

I had one male nurse tell me my stoma was "cute." So I think it depends on the person. I think some people are more squemish and cant handle it. I would say those people arent the right match for me. I prefer to see the person as a whole and would prefer the same in return. 

Good luck! Hope we both meet our match! 

Reply by Seagirl1044, on Sat Apr 08, 2017 9:43 am
Hola wrote:

Hi Vanessa

Can you provide more informat ion on the corsets please?   I have been thinking about making something that's pretty and covera it all up

Hi,   Could you pls provide any information on corsets?   After reading what you wrote I remember a Dr. suggesting try using a corsets.....

Wishyou a Beautiful Day!!!  

Thank you


Reply by Spring , on Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:55 am

There is a book called ‘where the sun don’t shine’. It’s a true story of a 39 year old woman who was also dumped. Told she was broken. The book talks about her journey with a permanent colostomy. You should read it. Author’s last name is Hartle.

Reply by jim, on Sun Feb 03, 2019 2:59 pm
That tells you what his true interest was and is. Only one way to get someone like that back is to tell him you have a lot of money and don't know what to do with it. You were lucky he got lost fast.
Reply by looking forward, on Tue Mar 12, 2019 8:57 pm

too bad we are not closer. i was born in ariz and have a brother in scottsdale

Reply by mcoco, on Thu Sep 10, 2020 1:57 pm

Hi Just wanted to say that I have met somebody on this site. Before that I went through a few men They were Jerks. After I had told them, they wanted nothing to do with me. It does stink even though you expect it, but I have met Other man that didn't have an Ostomy that were fine with it. But I would definitely try on this site and there is another site Osteomate. I hope this helps I normally don't answer but my heart broke for your pain. 

The relationship that I'm speaking about is  a long-Distant relationship and we met March 1 of this year which was the start of the pandemic but we have been calling and Texing ever since. I am so grateful I have someone in my life with the same problem and situations. And I've grown very fond of him. He did send me a text the other day and said he was grateful for his ileostomy because he would have never met me.


Reply by Mike6952, on Wed Sep 16, 2020 3:25 am
Nini79 wrote:

I know exactly how you're feeling as the same thing has happened to me a few times. It feels crappie but better to know now that this is the type of person he is rather than later on when more of your feelings have been invested. I always struggle with when the right time is to tell someone. You don't want to get too close and then it really hurt if they reject you but at the same time it doesn't feel right saying it straight away. Just try keep your head up.... I'm sure the right man will come along for you x

Just to let you Ladies know this also happens to guys, I have been up front at the very beginning and also left it awhile but same results.....But I'm sure one day...  ;-)

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