a five-iron wrapped around his throat
Naturally, the doctor-on-call asked him what had happened.
"Well,it was like this,"said the man, "I was having a game of golf with my wife (?), when, at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a field of cows. We went to look for them, and whilst I was rooting around, noticed that one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I went over to investigate, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right into the middle of the cow's arse. That's when I made my big mistake."
"How come? What did you do?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I called to my wife, "Darling! This one looks like yours!".
"I don't really remember very much after that."