Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates 20,247 members

New here

Posted by alliejmw2, on Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:51 pm

hey there

i am new here and am not a full member yet...but am looking to find and talk to new ostomate friends.  I am the only one who i know has an ostomy of any kind so I am quite lonely.  I am 39 and single with a 19 year old son.  I currently live in the U.S. but I am open to talking to anyone from anywhere and see if maybe something can turn into someone I can be with romantically.  I enjoy reading almost anything I can get my hands on and I also love broadway and the movies.  I also love certain tv shows that I have set on my dvr so I can watch them without commercials.

I see that I can read and responde to anyone that private mails me so please do so and let's get to know one another.  I am heading for yet another stomy revision on Nov 5th...I am praying that this is the last one.

thanks for reading

allie - nj - united states

Reply by mild_mannered_super_hero, on Thu Oct 23, 2014 8:33 am

welcome to the site, there are some very good people on here. good luck with your upcoming surgery.

Reply by alliejmw2, on Thu Oct 23, 2014 7:37 pm

thanks for the welcome.  I have gone into the general chat room a few times and there is never anyone there so I am waiting for people to message me so I can message them back because I am not a full member.  Thanks for the well wishes for the surgery.  Hopefully the surgeon will get the stoma right this time!

Reply by bubby, on Thu Oct 23, 2014 9:49 pm

Where do you live? i live in Virginia. I am now an ex- ostomate, but will never forget. It could happen again..... Jay  ****

Reply by bubby, on Thu Oct 23, 2014 9:50 pm

oh, duh, now I see NJ !  cool...

Reply by Redondo, on Thu Oct 23, 2014 10:41 pm


I highly recommend that you become a full member so that you can send and receive emails.

Plus, I also recommend that you find a support group in your area to get to know and talk with other ostomates. You can likely try your local hospital to find one. You can also google Ostomy Groups in your location.

You might also try to look into United Ostomy Association. They are a national group and can help you find a group to join.

I previously lived in California and now in Florida and I found joining groups in my area a great help and support system.

I wish you all the best.

Take Care, Connie

Reply by lzblaze, on Fri Oct 24, 2014 12:03 pm

Hi, Welcome the the "Club" .Have had the same plumbing for 14 years so far and never questioned the alternative !You are welcome to email me anytime if you just care to *** about your situation. I am 68 and still actively working so I can answer most anytime. I gaurantee you have no story about this situation I have not heard. Also available to talk on phone.You may find a person in your area with the same situation on this site. You are the firat I have ever responded to. I do much cancer support work and enjoy helping out. Hang in there and try to have some fun, Bud

Reply by spinbot, on Sat Oct 25, 2014 12:26 am

Its probably easier being a guy with an ostomy than a woman with one.   I figure men are just more shallow than woman.   I could be wrong, as I've never dated a man Razz

What I've found is that modern dating is definitely a benefit for those with ostomies.   With the Internet and then eventually phone, you can meet people and get to really know them before ever meeting in person.   You can spend hours every night texting/chating to this person and then when things feel right, you can bring up the ostomy.  Hard to hide it when sending erotic photos Razz (just kidding).  I've been somewhat fortunate in that I've dated woman that are nurses, pharmacy technicians x 2 , social worker, personal support worker, etc.   All these type of woman either have had first hand experience with an ostomy or at least have an understanding of the medications I take for my Crohn's Disease.   I've never had a woman reject me in any way because of my ostomy.  I am the biggest hurdle to myself, as getting the ostomy did nothing good for my self confidence.

If you have a less active lifestyle, as I do, just be honest in your dating profiles.  I too mentioned my enjoyment for movies and relaxing in my home on the weekends.  I make it clear that if those reading my profile are looking for an adreniline junky, not to look at me.   I was somewhat careful in how I would word things, as it almost sounds like I am looking for a lazy overweigh person.  I still maintain a 42.5 hour work week, own a home and car, so I do what is necessary to get by in life, but at a cost.  Working and commuting can suck the energy out of my "half full" cup I start with and thus the reason I enjoy relaxing on my time off.    I've got a giant library of movies  ...don't judge me as not all movies were got for me over the years, many were for the woman in my life at the time and their kids.   Mary-Kate and Ashley are not my choice!

Anyways, if you do wanna talk about the joys of being a front pooper and single, get in touch with me.  I lack full membership also and I guess forum rules prevent one from posting any contact info here.   But, it doesn't prevent you from posting websites and then using a little bit if looking to find ways to communicate! Smile

Good luck!


(my cats pics and my bookmarks website)

Reply by alliejmw2, on Sat Oct 25, 2014 9:14 am

I hate being single...I really do.  I thought i had found someone twice that didnt mind it but they both found ways to leave.  I didn't get it.  I met one online and he had been an emt and his ex wife had an ostomy while they were married....and the second one i told about it in depth to him and he swore that he understood then made  an excuse to go mia. lol.  so i have no luck.

id love to get to know one another but one of us will have to become a full member lol.  or just do it for the whole world on here to see. lol


Reply by Zywie, on Sat Oct 25, 2014 10:09 pm

Hi allie. Welcome. May the dating gods bestow their blessings upon you.  


Reply by alliejmw2, on Sun Oct 26, 2014 2:30 am

hi and thank you u so much.  I have heard that finding someone to date through here is hard to do.  But I am not having any luck iin the "real world" with guys without an ostomy except one for awhile.  Heck many of my regular friends have stopped coming around because of it.  I can't say I blame them since mine is a recessed troublesome stoma.  I barely go out of my house because i leak out when its the most inconvienant time and changing it is a two person job.  and the nearest support group is to far for me to go to every month and they only have it twice a month anyway.  its riidiculous.  So i figured I would try to find some friends here that can understand where I am coming from ya know?

Reply by Ppilot, on Sun Oct 26, 2014 3:16 am

I had the same misdiagnosis as you but they progressed my to the permanent reversal straight away. I can't stand the bags and that lingering feeling of have some excremental pouch, so I irrigate most days. That gives me quite a few hours of feeling ok with myself in public. I like your photos. I live in Sydney Australia and don't expect to see you soon but good luck. Peter

Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Oct 26, 2014 10:12 pm

Hi all,  I just joined today so I'm not quite sure what to say.  I just got my colostomy in May and am learning to live with it.  I would love to find some friends that are like me and understand since I'm still very subconscious about this.  I live in Phoenix AZ so if anyone is around here would love to hear from you, male or female.  At this point just looking for a friend.  I love animals, horses in particular, horseback riding ( not sure if I can still do that), baseball, watching my favorite TV shows, jigsaw puzzles and sightseeing in this beautiful state.  

Reply by alliejmw2, on Mon Oct 27, 2014 2:48 pm

if you are having no trouble with leaking or keeping a bag on you can still go horseback riding.  you can do almost anything.  And I am looking for friends too so I will talk to ya anytime.  They don't have an actual support group close to me so I have come here to kinda find some peoplle to share the ups and downs of having an ostomy.  I have an iliostomy (SP) which is different from what you have and have had nothing but trouble with it.  I am having a reconstruction of the stoma in about a week or a little more then a hopefully I will FINALLy after 7 years have a life.

Reply by Marsone, on Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:26 am

Hi Allie

i'm new also & terrified to date. I've been asked out but I say no. I have 2 stomas & scars so it's double the fun. 

I was widowed right around the time I got my Urostomy & colostomy. He would have been fine with this but I don't think most men are that open. They are pretty shallow and even here they want someone toned & fit & 60 or 70 year old want 25-40 or whatever. No offense guys, but I've seen it. Luckily they are not all like that & I hope you find someone wonderful who is open minded..I also joined thinking about dating and if someone is right for me...maybe. I'm definitely looking for friends and support first and foremost.if u want to chat, I'm here every few days. 

Good Luck to you, 


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