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Wayne, Pseudonym, For Gus!

Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 2:41 pm

Life in Australia. A man`s world !!!!!

Make sure you read the Editors note at the end!

A Letter from Wayne ..


It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try to show some understanding. My name is Wayne, and let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Beverly.


When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Bev to get a full time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her.. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the country club, so eating out again at night is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooking when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that the dishes won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think that this is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too --- or just bring me a cold beer in a frosted mug.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bev, and I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older, but, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,
Wayne


EDITOR'S NOTE:

Wayne
died tragically on March 1st of a perforated rectum.

The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end,


with barely 5 inches of grip showing and with a sledge hammer lying nearby.


His wife Beverly was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty,
accepting her defence that Wayne somehow, without looking, accidentally sat
down on his golf club.
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:14 pm
Nice one Ed!

Tho' does sound more like real life to me........
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:45 pm
                                 
lottagelady wrote:
Nice one Ed!

Tho' does sound more like real life to me........


oh you dreamer,, I for one don't play golf,,, hahaha
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 3:53 pm
Oh, I wasn't referring to just you Gus, I was meaning the male species in general!
  Past Member
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:52 pm
                                 
lottagelady wrote:
I was meaning the male species in general!


lol....so nothing wrong with gus in paticular...it`s just all us men are pigs...ok...got the picture!!!............. ..........roflmao !!!
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:54 pm
                                 
mild_mannered_super_hero wrote:
                                 
lottagelady wrote:
I was meaning the male species in general!


lol....so nothing wrong with gus in paticular...it`s just all us men are pigs...ok...got the picture!!!............. ..........roflmao !!!


Well, I do suppose that's not altogether fair ........ let me qualify by saying, the ones that I have chosen so far! xx
  Past Member
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:43 pm
Dear Ed,
From an Aussie "Sheila's" point of view, absolutely bloody hilarious!!!!!
Cheers,
Jo  
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:44 pm
OK Ed, if I get hitched again should I chose a man who plays Golf? or first go to the hardware store for a sledge hammer?   LOL
eddie
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:53 pm
Well Eddie, whether he plays golf or not I'd get a Big Bertha and a sledge hammer as a sort of incentive. Beats the hell out of a wok. Ed
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 6:59 pm
But if Beverly had been just a bit more, ha,ha, gentler, haha Wayne could be right here with THE SURVIVORS, HEHEHE
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:05 pm
                                 
J.Maree wrote:
Dear Ed,
From an Aussie "Sheila's" point of view, absolutely bloody hilarious!!!!!
Cheers,
Jo  



Just to clear it up,, I still don't play golf and I have a small sledge hammer,, no point giving the wife any encouragement lmao,,
Posted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:30 pm
Well now,  doesn't Beverly get some kind of trophy for making A Hole In One, after all she wasn't a golfer.
Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 4:49 pm
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY.......

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden,
God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.


It'sthese 3 breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other twoout and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them onbranches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain..'

AndEve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came inpairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. she felt that having onlytwo breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That'sa fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, youknow. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed onlyhalf of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up rightaway.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.  

Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?'

'Justfantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight.. .... You see, all theanimals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. Allthe animals have a mate except me, I feel so alone.'

Godthought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How couldI have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediatelycreate a man from a part of you.. Let's see....where did I put thatuseless Tit?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 6:13 pm


Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 7:25 pm

You're really on a roll Rachel, keep up the good work, it's appreciated, really. Ed
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