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senior thoughts

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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2016 8:18 pm

Just sharing some thoughts meandering in my senior mind.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

I always wondered what the job application is at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s on your birthday, your life sucks!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Ellie, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

 

 

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 9:30 am

ROFL!!....Hilarious

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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 12:34 pm
mild_mannered_super_hero wrote:

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

Good one, Gerald; and how true some of these are. Someday soon I might start walking down to my mail box in a robe just like Tony Soprano did at the start of every episode. Before I do that, however, I should pin a note on my back saying, "If found wandering, please return to...." As one gets up there in age, every day can present a new adventure. Thanks for the laughs.

   PB

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 2:27 pm

I 'like' - but there is no 'like' button. I try not to think in these terms too often as it's a bit too scarily like I've been there and done that and now there's not much to look forward to.

Bill

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 5:15 pm

I just bought shoes that use velcro instead of strings.  Is that an age indicator?

Mike

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 6:03 pm

thanks for the replies....i got to say the mayberry one is my favorite. i belong to a group of "online old codgers" who pass funny e-mails around, if we send one around two or three times who cares, after a few days they are all new again. regards G.

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 8:21 pm

I like the one being in Denny's on your birthday LOL!! Very good MMSH keep em coming!!

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2016 6:31 pm

You've done it again.   Thanks for sharing.    So Funny, so true.....so sad?   Nope...Glad I'm old enough to relate.   I don't want to think of the alternative.   

  Funniest for me...is the robe.  The mailboxes are accross the street from my house....so I do the "robe" thing. 

  But it's gotten worse.   When I forget to return  a movie  video dvd  to the library ( and I don't want to pay the $1 fee)    I'll jump in my car ( in the nightgown & robe -no bra) and drive to the library before midnight, to drop it in the return box.   Sigh.   I dread the thought that I'll  meet someone, or the car breaks down, or I'm pullued over by the police for some reason.   But I still do it.  

Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2016 8:01 pm

These are funny. Seen them before. 

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 4:06 pm

Old Alphabet :
A is for apple,  and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float!   Age before beauty is what we once said,  But let's be a bit more realistic instead.                                                                                                  

Enough of that crap, now The New Alphbet:                                                                                                                                    A for arthritis; B for bad back; C is for the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac? 
D is for dental decay and decline; E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! 
F is for farting and fluid retention; G is for gut droop, which I'd rather not mention.                                                                                                                                                                                    H is for high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I is for incisions with scars you can show. 
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend; K is for knees that crack when they bend. 
L is for libido, what happened to sex?  M is for memory, I forget what comes next. 
N is for neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't  grow! 

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as  new! 
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to  two. 

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears; T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! 
U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V is for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.. 
 
W is for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be  found. 
Y is for another year I'm left here  behind; Z is for zest I still have -- in my mind! 
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's  deployed.
And I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully  employed

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 4:31 pm

Thanks for these - here's one in return:

HELP REQUESTED:
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Norma. She will be the one in the white dress.

 

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 4:49 pm

I like it!

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 9:06 pm

ONE MILLION POINTS GERALD.WHAT"S NEXT?STANDUP! ZEPPO Smile

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 9:47 pm

Thanks for the Laugh.....

Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2016 10:50 pm

Hey Bryce, it's just so nice to hear about people who prioritize correctly.  Good thing he didn't have a golf date on that day.

Mike

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