Late Night Mental Bloviating

🎵 I like the nightlife, baby...🎶 Let's go!

Sing it, brother! Ah... those were the days...

On about the same subject, folks, what do you think of the commercials that put to song and dance medical afflictions affecting people? Lawyers locally are also singing how great they are. What could be next after lalalalal, my A1C, and UTI, and weight gain/loss, STD, etc. ad nauseam? Warrier, you wanted pictures. Here are some, but can you envision the Dance of the Bag Ladies and their male counterparts? What a vision!

I know... a medical musical infomercial that goes something like this:

Fancy music hall. 50 young female dancers dressed in frilly brown dresses and matching high heels, all high-stepping to a funky Caribbean drum beat. The curtain opens slightly... and out bops... Beachboy and Warrior. Warrior lets out his trademark howl... and the crowd goes wild. Dancers skip over, hug, and kiss these amazing blokes on the cheek. As the music fades... slowly Beachboy waltzes up to the microphone, gives a wink, and yells out: "Got Rectum?!" The dancers giggle as the crowd roars. The drums resume their hypnotic beat as the stage image slowly fades away. Then replaced by the picture of a long, white torpedo-looking pill.

A voice-over announcer comes on and seriously intones: Suffer from rectal stump irritation? Got blood seeping where it shan't? Ask your medical professional about Buttstop all-purpose suppository. Get your stump shipshape with a Buttstop.

Then in tiny print... the disclaimer:

Void where prohibited. Not intended for oral use. Follow instructions carefully. Manufacturer not responsible for any adverse reactions, unusual reactions, unexplained reactions, flatulence reactions, chills, thrills, spills, and allergic reactions. Compensated commercial actors not meant to infer physical preferred archetype or intended target patient population. Your mileage will vary.

Not sure this reply was meant for me. I doubt it. I never needed gloves nor ever had poop on my hands or any other place other than the intended toilet. I think beachboy and Susan T mentioned this. Not me.

Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister

It can happen if your stoma comes to life vigorously just after removing a bag. Ask me how I know!

I never could get acceptance of the fact that we have to play with shit in a close-up and personal way every day. I kind of hate it, and I've been an ostomate for over 45 years.

Out hiking and stopped at an outhouse to empty my bag. It was liquidy and splashed everywhere, pants too. My friends were waiting nearby, "Come on man, we got 3 miles to go!" Used half my water bottle and a hankie to clean up. Lessons learned: Eat thickening foods before hiking.

It's what's up front that counts. Imagine your stoma on your backside? Got a mirror?

At home, I kneel in front of the toilet to unload my bag. It is the cleanest toilet in the world, as it gets cleaned twice—once before and once after emptying my bag. But all those other things you speak of have happened in a public toilet. It's been three years now, and I just roll with it, but there's always that time it's so frustrating. Of course, later I laugh about it and crack a joke.
Spot on

Good disclaimer. I hope it will be easier to read than those of, you name it, any drugs being pushed.

Yep. Gotta be tough to be an ostemate.

And be able to see the humor in the crazy things that happen to us emptying a bag or changing a wafer.

One time I forgot to cut the hole in the wafer. I had put on a barrier ring, pulled the plastic backing off the wafer, then discovered my error. I did chuckle... several days later.

Hmm, interesting p.o.v.

Frankly, I'd rather imagine my stoma on someone else!