Hi Loki, You went through a trauma. which could be the cause of PTSD. And after huge changes to ones body, it's not unusual to have a bout of depression. Adn then there is being faced with managing the stoma. I know it seems like a lot of " stuff", but you just have to separate and foocus on the things you can or can't do, to help yourself.... I'm Marsha, and have had my ileostomy forover 50 years, since I was a kid of 15. I'd spent years, in and out of hospitals, with s urgeries, treatments, separation f rom my parents and my family... I cried my way through my teens,.....all I wanted to do was get well and get home, and back to school Ididn't even know surgery was an option, until my doctors and my parents broughtitup.. I was so angry. Why did they make me waste all thouse years of my life when there was an alternative. Well I had the surgery , an ileostomy, and I won't say it was easy. It was the dark ages, regarding supplies, but I met other older, and young people, and learned to manage. I was thrilled when I was able to get back to my real life.. I went back to school, did social things that kids will do, dated, and married young. I had two children, ( both who inherited Inflamatory bowel diseaseCrohn's Ulcerative colitis. That was my worst nightmares realized. But I was strong, and medications had changed, and my son's didn't need to have the surgery, their dad and I had. Fast forward.....about 20 years.. With my kids grown, and me working as a teacher, I managed to live a full and active life. traveling. But then, one by one, I started to develop related medical condiitons . Diabetes ( from all the steroidsI'd taken) Osteo porosis, for the second time.... Degenetive discdisease. I was diagnosed with hep c, and went through horrible chemo twice. The first t ime didn't work.. I have on going liver issues from the hep c,arthritis that affects my knees ( but I'm not a canditate for surgery). Little by little, I was becoming older and more disabled than I had been as a kid.. When akidney surgery went bad,( My throat swelled up) and I w as intubated for 4 days, with a breathing tube,I came out of that with Depression, and PTSD. I just coldn't stopp crying, and began tobe afraid to go out of the house. Sigh. Not to belabor the point, but the last 5 years has been about rehabbing my body and mind, to find a way to cope with all that had and woud continue to happend. I was seeing a therapist, but found I needed more, so I went into an IOP ( Intensive outpatient3 days a week. for about 7 months. I finally came to peace about what I could improve and what I couldn't. That my body was deteriorating, and would probably continue, was a given. But I fought that with physical therapy, and days at the gym, to reclaim as much as I could...I'm coming to accept my deterioration, and the end of my days of travel.... But I'm grateful for my friends, and my past experiences, and for each nice day......and especially to be able to walk and talk at the same time.. Other friends are also getting ill, with diseases, or strokes, and other's are taking care of ailing spouses... How you manage y our time, and live you life now.....is more important, than what will happen in the future, or what did happen in the past. It's not easy.....but you can do it...Some weeks, I c ry more than others. I give myself the chance to mourn my changed circumstances....and then I get on with the business of living my llife.... Best wishes Marsha