Hi Loki, you went through a trauma, which could be the cause of PTSD. And after huge changes to one's body, it's not unusual to have a bout of depression. And then there is being faced with managing the stoma. I know it seems like a lot of "stuff," but you just have to separate and focus on the things you can or can't do to help yourself.... I'm Marsha, and have had my ileostomy for over 50 years, since I was a kid of 15. I'd spent years, in and out of hospitals, with surgeries, treatments, separation from my parents and my family... I cried my way through my teens... all I wanted to do was get well and get home, and back to school. I didn't even know surgery was an option until my doctors and my parents brought it up. I was so angry. Why did they make me waste all those years of my life when there was an alternative? Well, I had the surgery, an ileostomy, and I won't say it was easy. It was the dark ages, regarding supplies, but I met other older and young people and learned to manage. I was thrilled when I was able to get back to my real life. I went back to school, did social things that kids will do, dated, and married young. I had two children, both of whom inherited inflammatory bowel disease—Crohn's and ulcerative colitis. That was my worst nightmare realized. But I was strong, and medications had changed, and my sons didn't need to have the surgery their dad and I had. Fast forward... about 20 years. With my kids grown, and me working as a teacher, I managed to live a full and active life, traveling. But then, one by one, I started to develop related medical conditions. Diabetes (from all the steroids I'd taken), osteoporosis, for the second time... degenerative disc disease. I was diagnosed with hep C and went through horrible chemo twice. The first time didn't work. I have ongoing liver issues from the hep C, arthritis that affects my knees (but I'm not a candidate for surgery). Little by little, I was becoming older and more disabled than I had been as a kid. When a kidney surgery went bad (my throat swelled up), and I was intubated for 4 days with a breathing tube, I came out of that with depression and PTSD. I just couldn't stop crying and began to be afraid to go out of the house. Sigh. Not to belabor the point, but the last 5 years have been about rehabbing my body and mind, to find a way to cope with all that had and would continue to happen. I was seeing a therapist, but found I needed more, so I went into an IOP (Intensive Outpatient) 3 days a week, for about 7 months. I finally came to peace about what I could improve and what I couldn't. That my body was deteriorating, and would probably continue, was a given. But I fought that with physical therapy, and days at the gym, to reclaim as much as I could... I'm coming to accept my deterioration, and the end of my days of travel... But I'm grateful for my friends, and my past experiences, and for each nice day... and especially to be able to walk and talk at the same time. Other friends are also getting ill, with diseases, or strokes, and others are taking care of ailing spouses... How you manage your time, and live your life now... is more important than what will happen in the future, or what did happen in the past. It's not easy... but you can do it... Some weeks, I cry more than others. I give myself the chance to mourn my changed circumstances... and then I get on with the business of living my life... Best wishes, Marsha