Accepting Ostomy: How long did it take for you?

Hello everyone. I'm from Sweden, any others from here?

I got my ostomy almost exactly a year ago. I haven't had any bigger physical problems yet, but mentally it was hard this first summer when I went to the beach with my girlfriend and kids. I'm not yet comfortable with showing "the bag" in public. How long did it take for you guys to accept it? Sorry if my English isn't top notch.

Hello  nicco and welcome to this site. 

It is often quite hard at first to adjust to having a stoma and some people have reported that thy never really achieve that state of mind.  However, many others say that they have come to terms with it and are quite happy that their stomas have come to the rescue with other problems that they had before. You ask how long it took to accept it, Well! the answer lies in the above, it depends on the individual and their circumstances. I took a long time (years) to decide whether or not to go down this route, so I did all my mental adjusting beforehand. Other people go into hospital with one thing and come out with a stoma and it is a big surprise for them. Then, it must be much more difficult to adjust quickly after the event. 

One year in a lifetime doesn't seem that long to adjust to what is often a 'traumatic' event. However, there are some things that you can do to work your way through these early phases and help with the mental and emotional side of things. 

I found that a stimulating distraction does the trick. it doesn't really matter what that distraction is, but in my case it was writing rhyming verse.  If you want to see how the hassles and angst of having a stoma  is played out  in rhyme, then I would recommend you have a browse through some of my rhymes. While you are doing that, take note of the dates on the rhymes and you will see that they are spread over many years. 

I feel sure that you will get a few more replies to your question so I will leav it there.

Note: I think your grasp of the English language is more than adequate.

Best wishes

Bill

I was in Sweden as a student many years ago. I will try and help. You can use a wrap, I use a tummy sleeve you get them at maternity shops. Or get a bag cover. Or decorate it with duct tape or stickers. Try YouTube for ideas. I do not think I will ever let my bag hang out, it would be like being in my underwear. Take care.

Hi Nicco and welcome to the site. Mentally or emotionally adjusting to your ostomy really does vary from person to person. To use myself as an example, for instance, I've had my ostomy for just short of two years and although pre-ostomy, swimming was one of my favourite things, I have not been in a swimsuit yet. Mind you, I did spend nearly one year with two ostomies, one on each side, and I felt like there was just a little too much to deal with to try. I am now down to just one stoma, and I've made a promise to myself that I will swim again in the new year. I know there are wraps and undergarments that will flatten my profile, it's more about just taking that first step. I guess it is easier for women as far as hiding your appliance, but I'm sure there are ways for men as well. I agree with Xnine that having my appliance on the outside is not something I would ever be comfortable with. I know there are women who wear two-piece swimsuits with their appliances fully on display. I applaud them, but it's just not for me.

I agree with Bill, your English is completely adequate, in fact, I dare say, better than some who claim it as their first language! My husband and I spent ten days in Sweden just over two years ago. Beautiful country, loved Stockholm, Gotenborg, and Malmo and the gorgeous coastline between the two.

Terry

Hi Nicco,

Welcome to the site. You will find an answer to just about anything you want to know. If not, do what you have done and ask. You will always get a good variety of answers. The beauty of this site is that we're the experts, not the doctors or surgeons, when it comes to exploring issues with the stoma, etc. I too am coming up to one year having my stoma. It hasn't been an easy ride, but with support from these wonderful people, I'm a better person and have found a lot of stuff on here. Going back to your question about showing on the beach, all I can say is, what's the worst that can happen? Yeah, some might stare, but are you ever going to see them again? No. You could always get a pouch cover with something funny on it, like eyes looking back at them. Remember, people come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, etc. I mean, it would be pretty boring if we were all the same, right? If you're still struggling, then I'm sure you can get the high-waisted shorts that have been the rage recently. There is also the discussion board on the site that gives advice/tips for beach and swimwear. Good luck and let us know how you get on. XX

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your warm and honest answers. I felt quite alone since my operation, since I don't know anyone else with a stoma. I'm very open with it at work, but more in a comic sense. I don't want others to feel uncomfortable and don't think they can ask me questions about my situation. But it's really not the same as talking to others in the same situation.
My operation wasn't planned, I've been quite sick the last couple of years but fairly recovered every time, except the last time when the meds at the hospital didn't work and I was hurried to the operation. But I had it in mind that next time I get that sick, I'll probably have to get that operation done. They took my large bowel out and told me it didn't look nice, I couldn't live on with it.

I'm not recovered yet, my rectum bowel needs to be taken away soon also because I'm still bleeding quite much. But the pandemic has made the waiting list long so I have to wait for my turn. Have any of you operated your rectum? I feel quite nervous for that operation.

Thanks again to you beautiful souls.

Nicolas

Hi Nicolas,

As others have said... welcome. Others will chime in about your rectum... mine is still in me somewhere, so I can't comment on that. But the beach. I used to love the beach. But now that I'm an ostomate, it's one of my least favorite places to go. I think in the past 7 years (since I got my ostomy)... I've been to the beach a handful of times. Any place where it's hot and I sweat a lot, I just don't enjoy as much as I used to. When I do go, I wear an over-shirt... a light cotton button-down. I really don't care who sees my bag, so I hide mine more for them than for me. But as Caz said... who really gives a hoot anyway? If you made a bag cover with a Nike or New Balance or Body Armor logo on it, I don't think most people would even know what it was. You can also get a StealthBelt (or a knockoff) that can pretty much make your bag invisible. You've got options. Again, welcome aboard!!

Regards,

Bob

Hi Nicco

Go for it! Soon, it may be too cold to swim in the ocean, but swimming pools can be an alternative - if you want to swim all year long.

I do swim, and my stoma is located below my waistline, therefore it's not visible when only wearing shorts, however, when I do swim, I wear a pair of Speedo-style trunks, and on top, a pair of patterned loose swimming shorts.

I have only ever used Dansac Invent bags, and when I had my surgery, I was given some mini Dansac bags, for use when swimming, however, I have never needed the mini bags, but I believe that Dansac does still offer a mini bag, and it's possible to obtain free samples of Dansac products.

Also, swimwear styles could be an option for you, have you checked out some of the men's singlet type swimsuits that are currently on trend?

Will

As a woman, I can get by with a lot more options. For women, almost anything goes from a 2-piece skimpy with everything "hanging out" to a 1-piece that kind of slims everything to my favorite - a 2-piece where the top has a "skirt" that hangs down enough to cover the bag. For men, the waist-high drawstring suits (like surfer shorts) should probably work well to cover up the bag, with or without a stealth sleeve that would hold the bag firmly in place beneath the shorts. Good luck, and have fun at the pool or the beach this summer!

Hi. Beaching. - Check out a wrap by OSTOMY Secrets. They also make bathing suits for men. Also, check out a Stealth Belt. Enjoy your sun and fun but remember to stay hydrated.

Nicco,

The first thing you have to keep in mind is that you are now in a better place than before the surgery. Before I had a colostomy, I could not sit on a beach unless there was a bathroom close by. Now, I can enjoy a day at the beach with no worries about having to rush to a toilet. Anyway, as a woman, I can wear a full bathing suit or a tank style with a pair of shorts, and both cover the pouch nicely. My boyfriend also has a colostomy, and he wears loose bathing trunks with a drawstring waist that he can adjust over the pouch. For a man, can I suggest wearing a tank top over your suit, and that should hide the pouch. And your English is just fine. Have a happy life at the beach!

Hi guys,

Thanks again for all replies, it means a lot!

I think the Stealthbelt looks like something I could try, sadly it seems that I can't get one from any Swedish website. But maybe it's worth the shipping cost.

I have some time to save money now when the long winter and darkness is coming to Sweden :-)

Take care everyone and thanks again!

Nicco,

Since you have time but no funds... the easy answer is to make something yourself. Sewing is really easy if you have a machine, and if you don't, they're usually available used for cheap. Material can be neoprene, spandex, or something not as flexible... that's your choice. The only critical dimension is the hole for your bag to fit through, and once you've got that, the rest is easy. Learning to sew takes minutes, really. Threading the sewing machine takes longer than making the damn thing. And you're free to experiment as much as you like... and it sounds like you've got some time on your hands. If you don't want to buy a used sewing machine, I'm sure you have a relative or friend who has one and wouldn't mind helping you out. Buy some really cheap material or use an old sheet to use as patterns and try making some. Then when you decide on the exact style you want, go buy some spandex (I find it's cheaper to buy large women's spandex yoga pants at Walmart and cut them up for the material) and make your final design. No wait, no shipping charges, and no returns if you get the wrong size. Think about it... if I can do it... it's not hard, really.

Regards,

Bob