Sex after J-Pouch surgery: Experiences and advice?

This Friday I'm due to get a J-Pouch which I am both excited and nervous about!!

It says in the books I've read that sex can feel different and painful after having your rectum removed and I was just hoping to hear from some people, preferably girls, about how they felt after having a J-Pouch.

I'm a little anxious because I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now and I don't want everything to change drastically or stop having sex at all because of the changes I've had. I'd be glad to hear from everyone, not just people with pouches, as I know that with a permanent stoma the rectum is removed, so please, let me know how much difference you felt, whether it was painful and how long it took to get used to!

Thanks
Fran x

Nobody ever told me there would be a difference in sex after getting the J-pouch. But I read your post and was interested. I have had my J-pouch for 3 months now and I do notice a difference. Sex is uncomfortable now and at times painful. I thought I was being overly sensitive, but I guess not. I am hoping in time it will get better. Good luck with your surgery! Let me know how it goes.

I am a male and was a J-Pouch recipient, and today I stand here as a total ostomate and am extremely grateful for never having to deal with my anus and rectum ever again. My view is biased to the negative as all my experiences with the J-Pouch were bad, so you must take my words from whence they came, but I think I will tell you things that I think doctors never talk about or want you to know...

With regard to women and a J-Pouch, I have had a few conversations and would still welcome feedback in this area. I am under the impression that during intercourse, the male organ will push against the J-Pouch, and that's where some of the pain and possible problems (anal discharge) can occur. (Because full and total muscle control of the J-Pouch is a long way off, not to mention the inability to discern solids from gas which you will lose forever.) Again, I state that I am just a male, but I have had a keen interest in the J-Pouch phenomenon and why doctors think it's the answer when I still, to this day, cannot find any happy J-Pouch people. I welcome them to discuss it on this forum.

Being as young recipients, you might have better results than an old fart like me, but I am well content to be a permanent ostomate as sex for me cannot get any better than it is now because I now have total confidence my bowels won't leave me in the middle of the act...

Till next post

Hello.
I have had my J-pouch for a year and 4 months ish. LOL and I do find some issues with it.. As far as leakage goes.. I can't eat before I go to bed or the worst happens, I sleep on a hospital pad at night just in case. Kinda embarrassing but I'm sure it happens to a lot of people with J-pouches. I actually prefer mine to my ileostomy though, that's for sure. I'm allergic to most glues used for medical supplies, so it was a constant battle of having a rash and itch. Not to mention my bag not staying on for more than 2-3 days because of me having a rash.

But there is so much more to my story LOL
If you wanna talk, feel free to email me and we can share stories LOL
Candice

Michael, what a very kind thing you are doing and trying to work at the same time. I won't get a J-Pouch and I am so glad that mine is just a reconnect. I also didn't know you had a J-Pouch either and who better to understand than someone who has been there. You said a while back that most people never meet others with ostomies, I disagreed and still do but it was my job to be around those patients, also my husband's niece married a man with an ostomy and seem to live a good life. If I was in your shoes, I would take the time to blog about every person that you come in contact with that had a J-Pouch. I have friends who do blogs and even get paid for the advertisement so it not only helps others, it can also help you. It will take you some time to build up your blog but you have a head start with this site reading what you write. The one thing I know that holds true with you is that you really do care about us. I just know everyone wants to know exactly how their reversal is going to go and what symptoms they will have to live with. Maybe this isn't for you but I see a drive in you that wants people to not give up and accept the life they have now if it is a better life than what they had, then I truly hope they learn to live with this. Personally, I can't wait for my surgery and I hope and pray it will be as the doctor said and I should have no problems. I just wanted you to know that I can tell you what a simple reconnect will be like and I think most on here who know you wouldn't mind sharing what they are going through with the J-Pouch. About the way you write, it shows it comes from your heart. I have seen a lot of rare good honest people on this chat but you give all. If you do a blog, please let me know as my surgery is so close now and I am so excited that I am not sure if I will come back to this site. But I won't ever forget how kind you have always been and how even I had to learn that even a good guy like you can also be gossiped on and I know none of it was true, but I see how hurtful people can be. I won't ever let anyone get me that sick again and I know who is for real and who just likes to put others down. Also, I am a year older than you and I don't feel old. You have to look at life like this, we never know how long our life will be. I would have never thought God would have taken my daughter so young. Whatever you do in life, you will do it right and good and with kindness as that is just who you are, but I am serious if you do a blog, I would love to read it and learn from you. God bless, Jenny.

I'd just like to say that I'm one happy J-pouch customer. I've only had my J pouch for 5 weeks, and every day seems to be getting better. I'm already back in the gym working out, and the recovery time was only about 2-3 weeks for me. I've had a total colectomy due to ulcerative colitis, but obviously they left the rectum to connect the pouch to. There's no difference having sex for me, but I can't speak for women... I'd be happy to explain more to anyone who wants to know more about the operation.

Thanks for your posts and pajama_baby. I've only just had my pouch for 5 days. I've still got a loop ileostomy, but I was wondering if you've experienced sex with the J-pouch and whether it hurt or felt uncomfortable. Also, did you manage to get used to it or did the bad feelings go away?
Obviously, having had the operation very recently, I haven't had sex with the J-pouch yet, so I'm quite anxious!!

Fran, how could we not love you as you are so darn sweet and honest. I do know this from nursing after any major surgery, sex is on hold for at least six weeks. I hope you can wait that long, honey. It was you who tickled me, I would have thought it would be your boyfriend writing to ask that question and it was you. LMAO. God bless Fran, soon I promise. Love, Jenny.

Hey Fran

I didn't have sex for 4 or 5 months after having my J-pouch and it was painful for a couple of times after that. Every now and then, I get some pain or discomfort. That could just be the way my body is though? Yours could be completely different?

How are you feeling? Did the surgery go well? When are you supposed to get your ileostomy reversed?

Xoxo
Candie

Hey Candie,

Sorry it's been so long. I was taken back into the hospital because I developed an abscess at the site of the J-pouch. It's been 4 weeks today since my J-pouch operation and I still haven't had sex yet. Obviously, I will try it and try to get used to any different feelings, but I am really in the dark still at the moment in time!

Right now, I'm feeling okay. The abscess is gone and my pain is quite low. I don't know whether the pouch will even work because of all my complications, but hopefully it is working. And if it does, I'll be reversing my ileostomy in about 6-8 months' time.

Hope you're well.
Fran xx

My J-pouch was constructed in Feb. '10. It was connected and usable in June '10. My boyfriend and I waited until mid-September to try having intercourse. I did notice things were a bit more tender and needed him to take it slow the first few times. I haven't found anything to be downright painful. My doctor did repeatedly tell me that it isn't uncommon for sex to be uncomfortable when you start having it again after surgery. It just takes patience and understanding.

I do have a question though:

Did anyone with a J-Pouch find it tricky to climax after surgery? It just feels like I'm going to lose things out of my bottom if I do. Anyone else had that?

(I apologize if there are misspellings in here; I couldn't get the spell-check to work.)

Rmgilby, your post is probably the only time I've had positive feedback from someone with a J-pouch and sex! Unfortunately, my pouch is still unusable and not fully connected, but it's all there. I just have been suffering from a lot of inflammation of it, so I've been feeling too sick to try having intercourse. A few weeks after my construction surgery, I did have sexual contact with my boyfriend, but not enough to make me climax, so I can't help you with your question, sorry.

It's now been 3 months since my construction, and it's the first time I've felt better in myself. I still don't know when I will finally be able to have intercourse again, though, because a lot of it is me worrying it will hurt. So thank you for your post, it's put me in a better state of mind!! x

You are welcome. Thanks for bringing up a sensitive subject (no pun intended).

Though we decided to terminate the relationship, I just wanted to let you know that the "I feel like I'm going to lose it out of my bottom" sensation does go away.

Best of luck to you! I'm glad to see someone else around my age on here!

Oh my gosh, me too about the age thing! I went to a stoma convention in my area a few months ago and I was the youngest there!! Everyone was over 50, which made me feel a little out of place!

It's coming up to a year since I had the J-Pouch put in and to be honest, I've only had sex twice! It's more of another issue I'm always faced with as I've been on strong antibiotics on and off for the year, so obviously thrush makes sex extremely sore! However, that can be treated!

In the 2 experiences I've had, the first was awful! And the second was okay...without getting into too much gruesome detail, let me just say this: when the male sex organ was "deep" or past a certain point, the feeling that something was about to explode from my back passage was unbearable!!

I will soon write a new blog/post when I've experienced a little more down there and have more tips/queries!

Franicaa,

The feeling at the bottom is what I have heard from women, and it's something the doctors never talk about with female patients. I wonder why that is so. I hope you don't feel out of place or awkward as I am one of the over 50 you speak of, but internally I now feel as though I am 24. Yes, I don't have a rectum or anus and will never worry about down there ever again, but my sex is the best. And without getting too detailed, know that I can focus on my front with complete and total confidence that my bottom won't ever fail me again. Yes, I have a pouch, but if I must say so myself, I don't think I look too bad with it. I hope it all comes together for you someday. Keep the updates coming. Michael

Ps and then there is the issue of letting go when the big "0" is about to happen. There are issues with the pouch that only this forum will talk about, and thank God for that as this is where you will find the truth.

Anybody heard of oral sex?

Bill, is that you? Quit cruising for chicks on this site.    Hillary.....

Sometimes oral sex is just oral sex...

  

Oral sex, don't think that just talking about it can be a substitute for the real thing.

Hi, I also have a loop ileo w/j-pouch. I am sexually active and it can be painful at times. Honestly, it depends on the position. With deep penetration, there sometimes comes that stabbing pain in the tummy. It's sometimes bearable, other times not so much, and you gotta switch it up. I waited about 4 weeks after surgery to get it on but took it easy at first. There are times when you can do whatever and be okay. It's all experimentation. Have fun and remember not to be apprehensive about it.

Exactly, if your lover is patient and caring, there is no reason not to be satisfied.