A WEB OF KINDNESS. (MAO)

A WEB OF KINDNESS. (MAO)<br><br>
The world-wide-web has sometimes cast<br />a nasty shadow in the past,<br />when trolls and bullies ply their trades<br />as they let rip with their tirades.<br><br>
It&rsquo;s sad to see this bad abuse<br />be used by some to thus traduce, (speak ill of someone)<br />to vilify and to defame<br />in what becomes a bully&rsquo;s game.<br /> <br />Sometimes, when I have surfed the web,<br />I kind of feel my patience ebb,<br />especially when these bullies bring<br />their unkind comments to this thing.<br><br>
However, I&rsquo;ve found a platform<br />where kindness seems to be the norm,<br />and the contributors must care<br />about the kind posts they post there.<br><br>
This is a site where people come <br />because they&rsquo;ve lost use of their bum<br />so, now a stoma&rsquo;s on their side<br />which sometimes is undignified.<br><br>
It might seem easy to poke fun, <br />belittle or malign someone<br />who has a stoma, so that they<br />may have to pooh a different way.<br><br>
But on this site, that I have found,<br />participants will rally-round,<br />supporting all their fellow friends<br />with kindness, which helps things to mend.<br><br>
Thus, I must, with my pen portray<br />some of the things these people say,<br />so other people get the gist <br />that human kindness can exist.<br><br>
&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Be Withers 2020<br><br>

Aww, Bill, that's a great poem! ?? xx

That's lovely x

You've done it again, Bill. I mean, well done.

Only Bill could express so well the wonderfully close emotional connection generated by events which initially caused so much pain and anguish for us all. The newly minted Osties out there begin by thinking their life is over , how could anyone love me now ? Or " I hate myself and how I look and feel ( me !!) , everyone can smell my shitty belly !! " etc etc . We may not be " alone " as in sitting by yourself staring out the window as the big beautiful world carries on without you . You may have lots of family to offer support and sympathy on the bad days . Your internal anger may explode to the surface at times and people say they understand but they really don't even if they really try .
Most medical conditions and their symptoms are staring you right in the face and if the person is grumpy or just a bit off then you can cut them some slack if they're having a bad day . We Osties can't just blurt out ( in most situations ????????) . That the reason I'm tired is because I shit the bed last night and spent most of the night cleaning up the mess and spraying to get rid of the damn stink ...that's why I'm tired / late / pissed off / grumpy etc etc ..
Finding this site and the lovely people on it gave us all such freedom to be honest and the ability to express our emotions , good and bad , our fears and hopes . Tips , tricks and techniques for dealing with this shitbag is just the icing on the cake !!
We can't be moaning to relatives roommates , friends or Siblings about the rash on our Butt , the raw meat under the flange when changing , the leaks etc . People get sick and tired of it !! The liberation that MAO gives us is the relief valve we all need to prevent that explosion !!!
Thank you all out there for being there and reading about the Good the Bad and the downright Ugly ...( a man's gotta know his Limitations and more importantly the limutations of the patience of friends and family when they are silently thinking " ENOUGH Already as you recount yet again your tale of Woe !! ) . With all you wonderful people out there we may often be alone but we are definitely a lot less lonely .
As I referred to 1970's Doughnut logic ...." As you wander through this life Brother / Sister , whatever be your goal , keep your eye upon the Doughnut and Not upon the Hole " . Words to live by or as my dear old Mom and my Dad would say ..... there's nothing so bad that it couldn't be worse !! .
Two of my Brother's had facial damage very early in life . One Brother had the nerves in one side of his face paralyzed by a very bad surgeon when he was little . One side of his face droops as if from a Stroke . Another Brother had his nose bitten off bu a neighbors dog as a child . My Dad had a gun for hunting Rabbits . As soon as my Brother was safe in hospital he got his gun and went next door and shot the dog in the head .
The inner strength it took for them both to get through their lives and overcome the stigma of facial injury is really inspirational . They are heroes to me . I was dumb enough as a 6 year old ( about that ) to grab a piece of wood my older Brother was sawing with a roughut handsaw ...to " help him" and got two of my fingers chopped off ...partially . I just wound up with two strange looking fingers , I got off easy !!! ????????.
You and your poetry are inspiring Bill my friend ...keep em coming . ?????

What a perfect poem, Bill! And Eamon, you couldn't have said it better. I am thankful every day for the support I get from this site. The tips and tricks are wonderful, but the emotional support and lack of judgment are priceless. It also makes me feel good to think I might have been a help to someone else. It's a win-win for sure.

?????? Rmember the Doughnut ????. I had forgotten about that poster on the wall when I first set foot in The Bronx . I really didn't understand , not really ( I wasn't the sharpest tool in the box at the time !! ???? and am still learning ) . The poster is about Positives and Negatives in this complicated life . It's a quite deep philosophical concept ( for a dimwit like myself !! ????????) . The Doughnut would not really be a Doughnut without the Hole ...I know the Jammy gooey delicious ones but the real Original Doughnut it is defined by the Hole in the middle , the bit that's missing , it's imperfection defines it .
Those days when all you can see is the Hole in your life, the missing bits , the imperfections , the personal loss you have endured , the loss of the most important person in your life ,your confidante, lover, the warm shoulder you could lean on for solace and who gave your life meaning no matter how every other aspect of your life was going . The empty space at the table , the bed that is now just a bed . The bed that used to be full of laughter having coffee and toast on the weekends . As often happened ....Kitty squealing with laughter at the radio .." Wait Wait Don't Tell Me " on NPR , Kitty's sweetheart kids would quietly open the door a crack and very gently say .. " ..I hope you guys are not fighting !!! " Then all four of us would pile into a heap on the bed and continue our Sunday morning laughathon .
The good times and good memories have to be balanced by the not so good ones to give us perspective and the ability to really understand and appreciate our blessings , light a candle instead of cursing the darkness , as a wise person once said .
Reading people's stories of their Ostomy progress and about life changing events in the lives of people who contribute their Prose and Poetry is quite encouraging I find . Most people eventually overcome the pain , the grief and the utter horror that was attached to their health conditions . I had many years of pain and agony , sleepless nights that went on for months . I think it takes your body a long time to assimilate and adjust to the new configuration and when it does you might feel sort of normal again . Better late than never I say .
The Holes in your life are still Holes but they help you ( eventually ) to appreciate the sweetness of the people and events that only a.e into your life without those Holes . I would not have had the experience of being with my Mom for the last ten years of het life ( lost at 89 years old ?) . I would never have met the love of my life , Kitty or her sweetheart Son and Daughter. All the lovely memories we created would never have happened .
When I feel sad and lonely I remember the sweetness and love of life that Kitty brought into my life when we became a loving little family of four for those three years and then of course I have a little cry about the years with her children that she and they will never have.
When I came here to Marin to help my Brother cope with losing the love of his life he told me that people think they have some idea how bad it feels for the most important person in your life to just disappear , never to be seen again . They don't , is what he said . Your grief is your grief , the Sister , Mother , Brother will have their grief , in their way . They knew the person but not in the same intimate way , the bond and the connection is different . Then as we ordered some food to pick up while in quarantine after flying from Ireland and then getting Shingles !! I was having a video chat with Kitty at my Brother's place in Marin . As he left to pick up the food I was chatting with Kitty as she lay on her bed , about to have a nap before dinner . When he got back with the food I was a blubbering mess . Kitty had been taken to hospital after ( we later found out ) a massive heart attack caused by a big Clot . I knew in my soul that I had lost her but I told myself it was Potassium imbalance and an infusion would fix it right up . My mind could not accept that this wonderful person so full of life and love could just suddenly be gone from our lives . We had been chatting about a big 5 bed house she had her eye on , had to have spares for visitors . She showed me the house and we talked about the veggie garden Freenhouse I would build for us. Spending our summers in Ireland and the cheap travel available within Europe .
I was almost catatonic all night after Kitty's Sister confirmed what I felt, sat on my bed just staring into space most of the night .
That previous bit is one of the Holes that almost swallowed me whole , a dark Pit with no bottom . I feel Kitty at my shoulder sometimes whispering encouragement in my dreams helping me to crawl back out of that Hole when I get too close to the edge .
Concentrate on the Doughnut !!! She says with that Impish grin and a sparkle in her eye ....and get yourself out of that hole !!!
If you got this far thank you ....even if nobody ever read it I get solace just from writing it down .
Love and peace to all the Baggers out there ?????
Eamon ?????

Thank you everybody for reading and commenting on this rhyme. When I decided to write a book on 'kindness', I found it difficult to tease out the subject matter from the inordinate amount of 'bullying' going on around me. However, I recalled someone once advising me that: "If you want to write a book, choose something you know something about!" This obviously led me to think about ostomates on this site and how extraordinarily kind they have been to each other over the years. As Eamon has pointed out, there have been the occasional negative exceptions, but these are far outweighed by the positives. ---And yes Eamon - I did read your posts to the end and 'enjoyed' every word.
Best wishes
Bill

Thank you so much, Bill, a true gentleman and a scholar. Gotta hit the hay now.
Take care, my friend. ?????????

Thank you so much. This is such a kind, helpful site; and your poem is lovely.