All good input here kiddo. These folks have been there and gone through it. They also want to save you from despair. But you know, people vary in opinions, situations. Some get it, some don't. Wait to find out before drop the bomb on them. Any time spent with this person whether they stick around or run, gives u thick skin. You will know the time to tell them. I don't tell them. Here's a true, recent story- the names have not been changed to protect innocent- even me.
I am a male, dating, well trying to.. It sucks. No doubt about it..
I say nothing to those dates about the stoma or my health. Unfortunately, I have a hearing problem- wear something called a cochlear implant which is different than a reg. hearing aid... and that an awkward beginning for starters.. To me that's like "strike one" and I am not even up to bat yet.
However.. This hearing loss was not a big a deal to my surprise, and most date-prospects. I felt relieved and we did enjoy each other's company for that one date.. yes.. one date .. with maybe 5 people over the last two years. Always a first date, pleasant.. respectful.. funny. Thinking I am grateful for not telling them first time out about the stoma.. Whew! Right? You know why? Company. And learning about something I was clueless about..
What lost the deal was CHEMISTRY. Yep.. no appliances.. no health issues.. Chemistry. I say this now because its deal breaker for women.. Men just can't compute it I guess. Well-- I don't obviously so that was an unexpected blow to accept since I considered we hit it off well..
Enter Kim... Yep. This one amazed me.. We have had 4 dates this year. 2023.
The first date she tells me she is a diabetic..
She wears two appliances. one for blood sugar, and one for BP? but the fact she told me on a first date was awesome.. I felt this one is a keeper. I asked her if she thought that telling me this was test, perhaps to see me run away? she laughed saying no. She felt better telling me it up front. ( yes, I am guilt tripping myself now).. I said, "so you wear two appliances? that ain't nothing. I am not running". I felt connected to her.
Date four, I told her after dinner about the IBD, stoma, and surgery likely to happen(Ken Butt). And asked if we should continue dating cause I admitted to her I liked her and wanted more. She didn't want to commit to a relationship and said it in an honest, sincere manner. It was not revolting as I would have expected cause we built up something prior to this and with her telling me about her "thing", I told her mine.
Texting became different after that encounter... I have not seen her in 4 months. I do know I can text her about this.. I was hoping she would call though, even to say "hey" cause I am always texting her first... . Nope. Nada.
I think she was just in a different place, dating, being newly single... I do not feel it was my health issues, cause she could relate to them in some way. I guess this time I got lucky or felt lucky.
Do not sell yourself short. You are two months out. Heal, Vent, come to this site for answers. Ask. Sometimes, its all about timing.. and chemistry. Who knew?--------------Still a Warrior, but still clueless.