Victoria Elsberth,
Yes - a lot of water across Mid Wales, Herefordshire, Shropshire. I'm 20 miles or so from Llandod and travel using all the small cross lanes throughout the counties - so...
ALLOW TIME FOR THE JOURNEY.
Now, as for your journey and preparation for your Thursday surgery - you are in my thoughts and I am rooting for you.
When we perceive we are alone - then yes, 'scared' comes into play.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Very recently, a member of this site, by mention of 'Krishnamurti', caused me to revisit some of his discourses on the essence of living and understanding life over this Christmas/New Year period - and one of his videos in which he discusses the means to be attentive to actually allow one to live, feel, and see the reality of what IS.
One particular discourse was most informative as to how we can get to the root of fear and thus not be afraid.
It is profound - as are [were] his abilities to impart his understandings to aid our own insight into how we experience life.
Humbly, I might suggest this particular video may be pertinent for your upcoming Thursday - [or one of his other elements of focus - may be more pertinent to your own situation at this time - as I believe you have returned to your UK home following the death of your husband and thus your life if I remember correctly in one of the Nordic countries?
Anyhow, I may not be appropriate in the particular choice of discussion - but just maybe this one might be good :-
It is a read that actually asks for one's full attention/engagement with him [video on YouTube] so it is not a surface or a read merely for distraction - but Victoria, if you are genuinely feeling scared and are attending for surgery alone - then do please set aside a space to visit the link - irrespective of one's personal beliefs or personal circumstances - you may find this link of help:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=50eS3GZS6lk&list=PL1n30s-LKus7XDJA0eXbd5n3f9qDcQOWP&index=6
As a relatively close neighbor of yours - geographically, do please know that I can genuinely be 'with you' - energetically, and wish you the very best passage through the happening - from leaving home, the journey to the hospital - the process of being in waiting and taken through to anesthetic and thus placing your trust in your team as you know you give yourself over to events which will progress and help you forward - trust with good intention and this act of being present - not concerning with the future - or what has led you to the point of being in that theater situation - you can only be in the present - and once you truly 'let that unfold'... the notion of fear which is our concern can be left aside... Have a look and be present when viewing the video and I feel this may help.
Victoria, I am not being academic here or religious or any of that - I am just offering you the opportunity of zeroing in to your fear - and such conversations are probably deflections and are merely externalizing a concern...
So with the very best wishes,
I send a hug from the hills
a virtual hug
and on a feather...
to you Victoria
For Thursday
xx
Jayne