Gay Men that are Ostomates

I feel the same way!     Sometimes, when I feel blue about not having sex the way I used to, I just remind myself that I already had my day in the sun with excessive, wild & crazy sex in the past.  And now that I'm in my sunset years, I can focus on other joys in life...like watching the Crazy Rhubarb Lady!

hello AAirman.. gay guy from Australia...Have been an ostomate for 3 years.. still struggle with the loss/damage to my sex activity. Not an attractive image is it, for a sex partner to be confronted with an appliance. So my mainstay is now my health & the loss of sex has to be a secondry issue. My sex drive is the same as in the past, it's just the lack of a contact, as I always wanted to be a one on one & not be a home j/off. Further, I have always been very body conseince of my image, looked after myself, liked to look good & feel good, so again that is a matter i have had to deal with.  If these are the same worries of yours, then let me know & we can chat about the more personal aspects. BUT, remember the health comes first! ....  cheers for now.. Robb. 

Today i sent mail to AAirman & afterwards, came across so many letters on the sire relating to sex problems/concers for gay men. As i only recently joined this group I was not aware of these letters, many dating back some years & yet nothing more current that 2014 which surprised me. Many of the contributors are gay men that i would like to send mail to , so i hope this is okay with you guys. (Derbysteve...Mrbillyto....Turtlecreek1961....Transmissionman.

All letters offered encouragement & remined AAirman, that his health was most important over & above the loss of sexual activity. I know myself the imapct i have had as he has, so its not easily answered. When we do partner for sex activity, the man with us needs to be special in the way he views the situation, how he pesponds to it & can the sex act be most satisfying to both of them. 

I really believe that an ostomy appliance has more impact on a gay mans sex life than a hetrosexual man, as only we know how important image, physical engagement & the climax is & that we need to continue our sex life, where as a non gay male probably accepts that his sex life is gone forever.

Robb.

oh really....

Hello.. I am new to this site & after wandering aroung came across you 2013 letter... I would like to hear from you if it suits you, as I would like to know how you have managed these past 2 years. I know what you were saying in your letter as I have been through the same situation. We ostomate gay men certainly go through a massive change in our sex life as we seem to brand ourselves as "untouchable" & if we dont then the man we want to have sex with certainly sees us as that. I miss a sex partner so much & masturbating alone at home does nothing for me. However what is, is & we have to accept that our health is the most important thing to us.  Hope your in good spirits, would like to hear from you... cheers for now... Robb.

Oops, you are right. I did insert a thermometer once. At the time, I had a terrible cramp and I thought by inserting the thermometer it would stimulate contraction and discharge. It did not work. That is as far as i would ever go with inserting anything into my stoma.

Yes, that's so funny. Three

Hello, I'm new to the group. I actually joined because I saw your post. 

I'm Daniel. 

HI

Hello...how are you? How long have you had your ostomy? Which do you have? I got a permanent colostomy Dec 2016.

Hey,

I've had an colostomy since I was 18, that was 41 years ago.

This can all be very scary, especially with the gay community focus on physical perfection.  I've had three wonderful relationships.  The first was with an exercise physiologist (he was buff) he wasn't bothered by my pouch and made me feel much better about my physical self - that relationship lasted 6 years.  Then a short one year fling followed by another six year relationship.  Now my partner and I are at 20+ years.

What worked for me.  I went the true dating route so we both could figure out was there something in this from both of our perspectives.  Then I just let things progress naturally. I didn't really have a discussion beforehand, I just let the sex part progress naturally after I cared for the person and he cared for me.  This worked for me.  One of my partner's told me because you weren't embarrassed, then I wasn't either, it was just part of the package of you.

We all have to make our own way and do what makes us feel comfortable, but it took me a bit before I truly felt comfortable with myself.  The things changed dramatically for me, I didn't feel a hidden sense of shame.  The first time I went to a nude beach or used a gang shower at a gym was hard, but it was liberating.

Hope this is useful.

I've been there - right where you are now

Mike Q

Send me a note.

Hey

I got my ileostomy in June 1976 (I was 18 way back then).

Gay Man  living in Lancaster county PA USA.

I've had a an ileostomy since before my  first day sexual experience.  To be frank, the AIDS epidemic passed by me thru a veil.

Best of luck 

Mike Q

Oh, mr Q, all my surgery is nothing compared to a head cold and a chest infection, i want t die, my partner said, im a drama queen and i want to punch his lights out, i hate life

Sir,

You'll adjust to the situation.  Generally, having an ostomy is better than the alternative, which in my case was dying.

Mine has not really prevented from doing anything

If you have questions send me a note.

Check out my FB page.

Mike Quear

I have a partner too 

Hello

Am new to this forum, been really interesting and inspiring reading some of the posts here.

I am a healthcare professional working in London and a lot of my patients are dealing with similar issues, as well as some friends. I am trying to start a support group to help other people with these issues as I know from my friends they often can't talk to their own healthcare professionals about this. Although I don't have IBD I have IBS which I struggled with for years and impacted my sex life, relationships and mental health.

Would be great to hear from others who feel that a support group or meetup might be useful.

Hello 

gay man here for 42 years - since I was 18

currently in a 20 relationship

and had 2 long term reln  prior.

also was quite sporty - competitive rower, combined training rider and never felt constrained not to do activities.

Have any questions, send me a note.

Hope I can be of assistance

Mike Q

Hi mike, thanks fo you message 

actually after the chest infection that lasted 2 weeks, i Di now feel better, thee is one thing though, from the time I had surgery 4 months ago, i ave a real problem bending down then getting back up again, maybe in time that will ease 

it seems to be my core wee i had all the surgery, possibly im just being impatient as i expect to feel better yesterday, lol

i have returned to work, again, 

my email address is in my profile, if that is easier to reply too

victor

Good for you re:work

Give your body sometime to heal.  This is a big surgery.

Yes. Our politicians are in a free fall

however I’m more worried about that wing nut that is supposed to be running America 

scary times with him running things

Here the real issue

Trump is the result - of many years of ugly Republican bigotry

He's not the instigator.

I know a bit of what I'm talking about

I retired in 2010

As a staff director on the Committee on Science & Technology in the US House of Representatives

I had my surgery in Feb of 2017.  It has healed well and I am adjusting to the pouch system.  One thing isn' happening and I need some input from some of you.   my sex life is dead.  I know I can't ejaculate because they took my bladder AND my prostate gland in the surgery.  But they assured me I would be able to get a hard on or erection.   My doctor put me on 2 different pills and they did not work.   I am at  a loss.  Any suggestions or ideas?  Danny

What is you doc saying now, about this issue?  If he is a GI doc, you might want to see a urologist who likely has more expertise in this area.

Best

Mike Q