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Alone

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Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:04 am
I am not trying to make this post a woes me one.  I never thought I would have nor want a relationship again after what I went through in my marriage than my husband dumping me because he couldnt handle my illness no more.  But I really am tired if being and feeling alone. But I said it before and I will say it again, who would want me like this?
Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:57 pm
Why not put your photo up and let people see you cause there will be someone for you out their believe me love Wink)
Fri Apr 04, 2014 2:03 am
Hello pammer.  Being alone is often not as bad as 'feeling' alone for loneliness is is that feeling of being in a position that one does not want to be in.  When you say "who would want to be with me like this" are you talking about having an ostomy or are you refering to something else about yourself?  I have met many people who think that personality, behaviour and compatability are much more important in relationships than physical attributes. So it is my belief that if these aspects are acceptable then there will be someone out there who will recognise and appreciate you for what and who you are.  Personally I appreciate 'solitude' so I don't suffer too much with loneliness.  I also prefer animals to people most of the time. However, I do empathise with those who wish to find suitable human company and have not yet achieved this goal.  Best wishes  Bill.
Fri Apr 04, 2014 12:57 pm
Hi Pammer, Like Bill I’m not sure I fully understand your concerns.  It seems like you went through some junk in your marriage before your illness.  Then you got dumped because of your illness.  Not sure which part sucks more.  
It seems like you’re looking for a relationship and not just friendship.  I think you have a bunch of friends right here that really care for you and want to be your friends because you are like you are.  Wow!  Long sentence.  As far as a relationship, I believe that’s a result of a connection way beyond
what’s on our bellies.  If you think of yourself as damaged you might convey that feeling to others.  Think of yourself as fixed and ready to start anew.  
Just my thoughts with best wishes to you.
Mike
Fri Apr 04, 2014 1:33 pm
Hi. I just wanted to say thanks. You really helped me put things in perspective.
Fri Apr 04, 2014 4:31 pm
Hi Pammer I found myself in a simular situation it's taken along time to come to terms with my stoma and everything that goes with it. I wanted to meet someone thought only some one with a stoma would deal with it but I was wrong I met someone who just liked me I still feel self conscious but I am getting there. For you I think you need to find some peace within yourself and everything will fall into place. Hang in there you do have people that care. Trish x
Wed Apr 09, 2014 11:40 pm
hiya Pammer, I feel your pain and I have suffered the same.  My husband had enough of my illness and couldnt handle the bag of shit hanging from my stomach.  What I learned from that is that I couldnt handle it either, when I learned to be ok with me, be healthy physically and emotionally and be thankful I am alive, i had more attention than I did when I was 20 and not one of the guys I dated ever had and issue with my stoma.  I got choosy and found my soul mate who worships the ground I walk on.  Our triumphs gives us strength and leads us to what was always meant to be, unfortunately that was not your husband.  Better is waiting for you, when you are whole you will find it
Thu Apr 10, 2014 6:20 am
the person meant for you would reply. live life one day at a time. that's what I do and it works out much better
Sat Apr 12, 2014 9:15 pm
Hi Pammer!
I love what Iyanla Vanzant said about "being alone". You are not ALONE, you are with YOUR SELF! It's all in the attitude. I happen to be someone that needs and appreciates  being with MY SELF a lot. I like company too, but I have noticed that when I am busy doing my thing, I attract people more. When you heal your relationship with your SELF you will attract many!...and of a better vibration!
Big hug!
Smile)
Mon Apr 14, 2014 10:18 pm
If your ex husband left because you were ill. he was a usless piece of Cr#p. Something about for better or worse. I don't care what a person's issues are..it is all about one's heart.  Mark
Tue Apr 15, 2014 7:45 am
Thanks Mark

Pammer
Fri Jun 27, 2014 12:22 am

Hi Pammer,

I've had my ostomy for 50 plus years ( I'm 66 & divorced now for 20+ years) so I'm doing my second round of dating. 

I was sick with UC  and out of school for 3 years before I had my surgery at 15, so I always accepted my ostomy as my "badge of survival".  It gave me back the ability to h ave a real life.  

But I did have challenges dating for the first time, with issues of who and when to tell.  

I was lucky that I lived in NYC and our adult group had a lot of teens and young adults.  so we started our own group and that was a wonderful support.   I ended up marrying a man who also had an ostomy, as well as a long history of Crohn's disease.  That should have bound us together, but sadly it didn't and we eventually divorced after 24 1/2 years of marriage.  We have two sons, both of whom have IBD....one with Crohns, and the other with UC.  Neither has had surgery, and have been able to manage their conditions....one with medication...the other with an extreme...vegan diet. after years of medications that didn't work. 

More than my ostomy, I have other body image issues, that I feel  have kept me from finding that one special person.   As a teen, the meds I had taken had inflated my body ( steroids) and left me with stretched out skin and stretch marks all over my body.   I also went through two pregnancy's which were also a challenge, but which I don't regret.  My two sons are my miracle children. 

But I've been overweight for so many years now....( more than 20), that I don't think I'll ever see a normal size again.   I've dated some really nice guys.....and for some , my physical issues, including the ostomy, were not a problem, and for others they were.  If someone has an issue with my body, then that person is not for me.  I am currently seeing a lovely man....who had been a super jock as a teen, and young adult....is tall, well build and quite good looking.   He's also very accepting, and has no issues with my scars, my stretched out body or my ostomy.   It's taken me a long time to relax and believe him, and every once in awhile, he teases me and asks me if I'm still self conscious.  And yes....sometimes I am.   :))    the last time I looked in a mirror, andliked what I saw I was 12  years old.   But I realize that is MY problem.   One has to really love and respect oneself.....scars included, if we expect other to do the same.   It's an on going challenge.   But you've gotten yourself this far.....and with the right "self talk", you will develop the confidence to find the man meant for you.   Best of luck.

 

Marsha

 

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