I should apologize for asking questions that were none of my business. But we talk about so many things here, not much seems to be sacred. I was genuinely confused what it was you were worried about after I saw that. I checked you out to see what country you were in because of the supply/insurance issue you spoke about and I saw that and my brain went bam ! wait what ?! But thank you for clearing that up. Besides, this lead you to changing your profile and might also lead to you getting whispers from ladies on here.
Dating actually would be the easy part, I think. Telling, when you realize you want things to go further, is the hard part. There are many things that people don't tell in the early stages of a courtship because things aren't that serious yet. Dating an ostomate isn't really a safety zone either. It only means you don't have to tell them this one thing. Doesn't mean, somewhere down the road, there aren't going to be other things that person isn't going to like about you and end things. Starting any relationship with anyone is always a gamble. I, of course, am not a guy so I never had to worry about gathering up enough courage to simply walk up to a girl, start a conversation and then hope she'll give me her number so I can call to see her again. I have been on the receiving end though; seeing a guy I like, trying to make eye contact, hoping he comes over then wondering if he'll ask to see me again. Or going out on a date and everything was great! - but you never hear from him again or she won't answer your call (or gave you a wrong number). It all takes courage. Maybe not Hercules type courage but still courage. There's probably a lot of things that you had to or wanted to do in your life that you had to hold your breath and plunge in and they probably didn't turn out so bad; possibly even improved things.
It scares everyone to get shut down - or, at the very least, gives us really bad anxiety attacks. I can't remember everything I said before I deleted and some of it made even me think more towards the optimistic side of things. I am not an optimist. Unless someone is truly happy living alone, all our lives we have to do things to get up the gumption to participate in the world. Admittedly, there are some that seem to of been born with the aptitude to glide through life - but the majority of the people I have known had to work at it at different times.
People talk candidly on here. I'm sure if you check out the forum topics under dating or the blog about oral sex (it's quite interesting) you might get some helpful/encouraging information along with a few laughs.
I have had a very hard time with this. Every time I look in the mirror I groan. Every time I have to change it I make icky faces and sometimes cuss. Every time I try on a pair of my favorite pants I get upset because I can't zip them up cuz it hurts the stoma and I have to put something baggy on. The list goes on and on.
As I have always known, it's only up to me how contented I am going to be with my life. So, over the past few weeks I have made some decisions. When I get some extra money I will buy some cute sun dresses (won't have to worry about anything pushing my stoma AND will help hide it when it blows up like a balloon and I can't get to a bathroom right away and new shoes (always makes a girl feel better). I'm moving into my own place that needs a ton of fixing up - so that will keep me very busy for a long time. A few days ago I put myself on a dating site. I am already talking to a guy that sounds promising. Will I get rejected, probably. Will it make me sad, yep. But worse things have happened and I've survived. Plus, there's plenty more out there. If I really want to keep looking, eventually one will be the guy that fits me. In the meantime, it's really boosting my self-esteem, making me smile, and giving me something to look forward to every day going on the site and returning messages or looking over possiblities.
It's all better than hiding in my room wasting time, getting more depressed and lonely, wondering how long I have to endure all this before I am put out of my misery.
I'm sure others will weigh-in on this topic so you will have more to consider than my little short story. Also, don't be afraid to check out the gadgets and clothing they make just for us special people. You might be surprised what you find. (I know you are on a fixed income, but you could still save up for something if you think it might help.)
Synopsis: Kick yourself in the behind (which you have done by starting this topic), find a project (s) that make you happy/content for a long time, and buy yourself something new that always makes you feel good (not a sundress, you'd probably look funny and wouldn't really have to worry about having to tell a woman about your stoma). Then take baby steps in venturing back out into the world - whether it be joining a dating site (I know this one kinda is - but the operative word there is kinda) or doing things you stopped when all this started.
As for the smelly problem - I'm sure you'll get some suggestions here over the next few weeks. There are also a few older posts about the subject if you have time to sit and peruse the forum topics. (They really do need to create a more customized search option by subject. Unless I'm missing something I have not found where you can do that on here. I have sent in a couple requests to "us" - whoever us is.)
Oh, I was getting ready to log off and something popped up. Read the topic: Ostomy - related questions Meeting someone new? Guess who posted a reply to that topic... :)