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Sex... with toys?


Hi there,

I'll preface this by disclosing that I myself am not an ostomate. I am a lesbian, and my girlfriend has a temporary ileostomy. She gets self-conscious about it sometimes, but I constantly reassure her that it doesn't bother me. She had surgery shortly after we started dating, and I was in the hospital with her almost every day she was there. It didn't faze me then - when it was new, and our relationship was new, and our first "I love yous" had yet to be exchanged - and it sure as hell doesn't faze me now. She's beautiful and sexy just the way she is, and my god, healthy looks goddamn gorgeous on her.

As far as intimacy goes, her bag never really gets in the way. Occasionally she will hold it up or off to the side, but I think it's mostly a mental thing (she doesn't like the way it looks, or she wants to see me). We have been experimenting with some toys lately, including a strap-on. I have only been able to use it on her, and not vice versa, because the harness doesn't fit comfortably over or under her bag. I'm wondering, does anyone have experience using such a thing? Are there certain styles (or products if you have recommendations!) that may be more comfortable for her? Any advice is so very much appreciated! Thanks!

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Some things that I found in dealing with the pouch getting in the way have been wearing one of the wraps from Ostomy Secrets, wearing a body-hugging chemise, or even (this was a quick fix) using a tiny binder clip to flip the bag in half and secure it out of the way.  The wrap I had looks just like lingerie so I felt a lot more confident with my husband when I first had my colostomy.

The best site I've found for toys is Pink Cherry.  It's a Canadian company but they have a wide selection and reasonable prices.  Hopefully you can find something on there that would work for both of you.


Thank you so much for replying. I will check those things out! One of the wraps may even hold it at a more favorable angle so we can work around it withe the equipment we already have. We will see. Thanks again!


Hi cnu23, 

I to had an issue in the beginning with

my pouch. I thought my wife would also have a problem with it. I then found the same thing on 

ostomy secrets, the wrap. It has done wonders 

with concealing my pouch. With the extra pocket in the wrap I make sure all the air is out of my pouch. I then fold the wrap up with the pouch as well having it just across my stomach

and out of the way. Works great.😁Works so 

well I bought several. Just to have when one is in the laundry😁. You may also want to look into

maybe a stoma guard for your mate. I have seen one that velcros to the pouch. That may help with her on using or try to use the strap on.Tell your girlfriend not to be to hard on herself in time she will be second nature with it

even it is just a temp. Above all have fun and try different ways,the wife and have fun trying new positions.

charleston guy


Definitely check out Stomaplex, and simultaneously using an intimacy pouch our infant pouch, they are tiny and perfect to use without emptying for an hour or a male, I'm guessing that using a stoma guard and then the belt of the strap on, you guys together will figure it out...your support of your girlfriends situation makes me smile,,love to you both.   Michael.  Aka Beyondpar 


Hi. I use a tube top and it works great. I am a lesbian and have had an ileostomy for 16 years now! Seems like yesterday. Bless you for continuing to love and support your partner..good luck to you both.


I used a productd called Stealth Belt.  Wore it under clothes, while working out and during sex.  Almost forget there is an ostomy there at all.  Almost...  They make them to fit so you have to send in her measurements.  Good luck!


I have nothing to add to all the great advice already given,  just wanted to say how wonderful it is to read of such a wonderful and supporting relationship.  Big hugs to you , otherwise x


Not sure why otherwise is there. ..blaming keyboard! 

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