I'll preface this by disclosing that I myself am not an ostomate. I am a lesbian, and my girlfriend has a temp ileostomy. She gets self-conscious about it sometimes, but I constantly reassure her that it doesn't bother me. She had surgery shortly after we started dating, and I was in the hospital with her almost every day she was there. It didn't phase me then-when it was new, and our relationship was new, and our first I love yous had yet to be exchanged, and it sure as hell doesn't phase me now. She's beautiful and sexy just the way she is, and my god, healthy looks goddamn gorgeous on her.
As far as intimacy goes, her bag never really gets in the way. Occasionally she will hold it up or off to the side, but I think it's mostly a mental thing (she doesn't like the way it looks, or she wants to see me). We have been experimenting with some toys lately, including a strap on. I have only been able to use it on her, and not vice versa, because the harness doesn't fit comfortably over or under her bag. I'm wondering, does anyone have experience using such a thing? Are there certain styles (or products if you have recommendations!) that may be more comfortable for her? Any advice is so very much appreciated! Thanks!