We’re often critical of how folks react when they know we’re ostomates. I’m not sure that’s fair.
Why should we have any expectations as to what folks might say to us relative to our condition? Chances are we just made them a heck of a lot more uncomfortable than we are. We have or had a disease, our bodies were changed and only we know how it affects us. We might have pain, curtailed activities, a crappy diet, expensive medications among so many other uncomfortable things affecting us because of of new bodies. All that and probably anger. And we wouldn’t dare let anyone know we felt sorry for ourselves because that would imply we’re weak. Hey, we got this! We need to deal with it in the very best way we can. Our friends, acquaintances and family don’t have a clue. If we put every ounce of energy into explaining exactly how we felt, that would only be valid for that moment in time. We might feel so different in a day or an hour from now. I try to avoid sharing my health status with anyone except on a “need to know” basis. I feel like it’s unfair to others. It puts them on the spot, causes most of them discomfort. The folks we encounter regularly aren’t trained to handle the news we offer them and they’re really not responsible for making us feel better regardless of how much they might want to. We feel like crap, tell someone we have an ostomy and they might feel like we just dumped a bucket of crap on them. I believe most people are good and certainly wouldn’t deliberately say something to make us feel worse; probably the opposite. Most folks would love to say something to make us feel better if only to show us how bright they are. I guess we just need to be forgiving. We need to understand that most are doing the best they can just like we are.
It is what it is. Mostly it sucks and if I can accuse someone of being a jerk because they didn’t say the right thing to me then I need to take the responsibility for educating them somehow. We know that’s not possible because, all too often, there are no words and sometimes even the most loving actions can’t cut it. I guess, sometimes, feeling sorry about the whole mess is the only thing that makes sense.