Hi Little Red, my name is Marsha, and I've had my ileostomy for over 50 years and a few years after the original surgery (I was 19) I had the diseased rectum removed. I was young, and it was a long time ago, but it was a process. Get your patience and sense of humor ready. There are no "stupid" questions, and we all make mistakes, but trial and error is the best teacher, as well as reaching out to others for advice. So try to refrain from calling yourself names. We all do make mistakes, so you need to be kind to yourself.
1) Yes, you can put the wafer/bag directly over the stoma powder. If not, I've been doing it wrong for over 40 years. Actually, I've tried it all ways, using a variety of different products to see what works for me. I have very sensitive skin and am careful not to use soap or body wash around the stoma site. I gave up baths years ago because the hot water softened the seal and allowed for leaks, and it also softened the skin and left a film that I didn't need. These days, I only take a bath or use a hot tub on a day I know I'm going to change... BTW, cold water doesn't have much of an effect, so I often go in the ocean or pool and rarely have a leak.
I recently went to a stoma therapy clinic, and they advised using the powder and then the wipe, which made no sense to me. So now, I'm not sure which is the "right" way. Right is what works for you. My procedure is to shower with the wafer/pouch on. Remove after... wash skin with very hot water and then with very cold water to close the pores and soothe the skin. Air dry. I use a new wipe, Safe n Simple, to first clean off the skin (after the shower). It's bigger than most wipes and feels better than a washcloth and doesn't fall apart like toilet tissue. It will also remove adhesive. (When I have a lot of adhesive left on the skin, I use unisolve, but be sure to wash it all off.) When the skin is clean, I use Smith and Nephew skin prep, which prepares the skin, and then use the stomahesive powder. Once dry, I put on the wafer (Convatec moldable/convex). If I have a gap between the wafer and the skin beneath the stoma, I fill it in with stomahesive powder (or sometimes use stomahesive paste). Then I attach the pouch and tape the edges of the wafer using a non-allergic tape. It works for me... except when it doesn't. So on occasion, I use other products or more or less of the same product. If I have no leakage, I can change in less than 5 minutes. Feel free to write if you have any other questions. Best regards, Marsha