Living with an ileostomy can be a challenging journey, especially when it comes to dealing with ongoing discomfort, hernia belt issues, dating challenges, and feelings of depression and anxiety. One person shared their experience of having a permanent ileostomy since 2016 due to ulcerative colitis. They expressed growing resentment towards it and described several life changes:

- They are working a lower-paying retail job and are unable to work full-time.
- They wear a hernia support belt almost constantly, which is uncomfortable, makes walking difficult, and adds time and effort to every bathroom visit or outing.
- They have gone through a divorce and have faced three years of unsuccessful online dating, where potential partners either disappear, offer only friendship, or express pity once they learn about the ostomy.
- They are living with multiple health issues, including a prior liver transplant, osteoarthritis, depression, and anxiety, and have recently had a disability claim denied.

Despite being grateful that the surgery saved their life, the daily preparation and discomfort leave them feeling angry, isolated, and unsure whether they want support or simply need to vent. They wonder if others still feel this way years later.

Here are some pieces of advice and insights shared by others:

1. Acceptance varies greatly:
- Some people adjust quickly, while others take many years or never fully accept their ostomy. One person needed nearly 30 years before feeling confident enough to wear a bikini.
- Understanding that the timeline is different for everyone can help reduce self-blame.

2. Professional help:
- Seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial for addressing depression, anxiety, chronic pain, body-image concerns, and the emotional load of living with an ostomy.
- Consider asking your doctor about a formal pain-management program if daily pain is high.

3. Hernia belt usage:
- Only wear a support belt if you actually have a hernia or during activities that strain the abdomen, like heavy lifting. Otherwise, consider going without or using it only when necessary to improve comfort.
- Discuss alternative supports or proper fit with a stoma nurse or surgeon.

4. Dating strategies:
- You are not obliged to disclose your ostomy early; treat it like any other private medical detail and wait until the relationship becomes serious.
- Confidence and attitude matter. Some people report positive dating experiences and even extra interest once partners learn about the bag.
- Rejection happens to everyone; try not to interpret every “no” as ostomy-related.

5. Coping tools:
- Venting or ranting through forums, journaling, or poetry can be cathartic and help release internal frustrations.
- Distractions such as hobbies, creative writing, photography, music, and physical activities can help shift focus away from the stoma.
- Activities like paintball or other stress-relief outlets can break negative thought cycles.

6. Peer support:
- Connecting directly with others who share similar struggles through private messages, support groups, or forums can lessen feelings of isolation and provide practical tips.

7. Surgical options:
- One person suggested discussing with a colorectal surgeon whether you are a candidate for j-pouch reconstruction if you have not already explored it.