This topic is about when to tell a new romantic partner about having an ileostomy bag. The person who started the discussion has been living with an ileostomy for nearly two years and is thinking about dating again after his marriage ended following the surgery. He is unsure about the best time to disclose this information to a new partner and is seeking advice, especially from women, based on real-life experiences.

Here are some insights and advice shared by others:

1. Be open very early, often during the first or second meeting.
- Being honest from the start helps filter out those who might not be able to handle the situation, preventing future heartache.
- If someone loses interest because of the bag, it's better to know early on before getting emotionally invested.
- Some people refer to the ostomy as a "jerk detector," helping to identify supportive partners.

2. Disclose after establishing some rapport but before becoming intimate.
- Wait until there is some trust, usually by the second or third date, so the person knows you beyond just having a bag.
- Choose a calm and neutral moment to share this information, avoiding times right before intimacy.
- Present your medical history in a factual and positive manner, showing that you are comfortable with it.

3. Consider practical signals.
- If the stoma is noisy or unpredictable, it might be better to disclose earlier to avoid surprises.
- Have a simple explanation ready and offer more details if the person is interested.

4. Prepare and educate partners.
- Some couples find it helpful to watch videos or read about ostomies together, which can strengthen support before surgery or intimacy.

5. Mind-set and self-esteem.
- Avoid blaming every dating setback on the ostomy; many relationship issues are unrelated.
- Keep high standards and self-respect; a supportive partner will appreciate you, including the bag.
- Positive self-talk and accepting your ostomy can make sharing this part of your life easier and more convincing.

6. Gender and abandonment observations.
- A study found that men are more likely to leave ill spouses than women, possibly due to nurturing tendencies affecting reactions to an ostomy.

7. Encouragement and peer examples.
- Members share success stories of long-term marriages, partners who are nurses, and new relationships formed on dating sites where the ileostomy was accepted once disclosed.
- Some have faced rejection, but they emphasize that it often highlights incompatibility rather than a general aversion.