This topic is about the challenges a 63-year-old man is facing with intimacy after having ostomy surgery and experiencing erectile dysfunction following cancer treatment. He is concerned about how these changes are affecting his marriage, especially after a recent unsatisfying experience with his wife. Here are some pieces of advice and insights that might help:

1. Don't jump to conclusions based on one bad experience. It's important to ask your partner how she feels and listen carefully, without assuming that the ostomy is the only issue.

2. Open and gentle communication is key. If talking directly as a couple becomes difficult, consider involving a neutral third party like a counselor, doctor, or trusted elder to help both partners express their concerns without placing blame.

3. Both partners may experience feelings of grief, fear, and changes in body image after an illness. It's important for both to have a space to process these emotions.

4. Erectile dysfunction doesn't have to mean the end of a fulfilling sex life. Consider exploring other forms of intimacy such as touch, cuddling, oral or manual stimulation, or using vibrators. Many people find that sexual intimacy is as much about emotional connection as it is about physical interaction.

5. Penile injections and implants can be effective for many men. It's important to discuss these options together with a urologist to understand the benefits and what they involve.

6. For practical tips on intimacy with an ostomy:
- Consider using mini-pouches or special intimate pouches during intimate moments.
- Use pouch covers from ostomy supply companies to conceal the appliance.
- Consult an ostomy nurse for product recommendations and skin-care advice.

7. Strengthen your emotional connection by sharing everyday tasks like chores, cooking, and caring for your child. This can help ease tension related to sexual issues.

8. Address fears by acknowledging them, sharing them with your partner, and seeking information. Understanding often reduces fear.

9. A suggested resource for improving relationship skills is available on YouTube at the channel "SonikaTinker."

10. Remember that change and new beginnings can happen at any age. Focusing on the choices you have rather than what you've lost can help you move forward.