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Sex with an ostomy

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Tue Sep 29, 2020 5:30 am

Intimacy is always a difficult area for us ostomates. Here is how I handle it.  Sometimes without my partner knowing that I have an ostomy.  Number one.  I bought one of those streatch weight or weight loss belts that Velcro together.  Number two, I asked my Doctor write me a prescription for an antidiarreal medicine.  Get lots depending on anticipated sexual activity.    For each 3 hour time that I want your stoma to be quiet, I  take 5 pills. I start 6 hours BEFORE my date (5 pills, then three hours later 5 pills) to let the pills go into effect.  Every three hours thereafter take 5 more pills until my date is over.  Every body is different so try. & try again before...The weight belt covers my folded bag.  I've had dates, short term, where my partner did not know that I had an ostomy.  I just said that I had an operation on my intestines and had to take some pills regularly because of that and can you help me remember to take them?    I also use this technique when traveling long distances without known facilities.  Also for plane rides, weddings, funerals, (graveside can be a ***) and special occasions.  Note.  The temporary stoppage may last longer than the hours you take the pills.  (Maybe a day or so). To jump start my system the next day, I take a mild, small amount,  of a laxative.  Not necessarily a needed part of your routine.   Caveat, each person's digestive tract is unique, so experiment with number of pills YOU will need, not me, to quiet your stoma.  If ANY of this helps you, please let me know.



Last edited by Fred383 on Tue Nov 10, 2020 6:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:42 am

Your doctor has specifically approved this procedure?  Just curious.

Tue Sep 29, 2020 9:10 am

My dr didn't recommend that . I find honesty and openness is best ...but then again , I haven't had intimacy in years. I say ...I'm owning who and how I am , like it or take a hike . Maybe having a partner won't be in my future with this attitude, but shi* happens to everyone. 

Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:00 am
Ritz wrote:

My dr didn't recommend that . I find honesty and openness is best ...but then again , I haven't had intimacy in years. I say ...I'm owning who and how I am , like it or take a hike . Maybe having a partner won't be in my future with this attitude, but shi* happens to everyone. 


At my age, memories of sex are like memories of my first girlfriend:  I recall what her name is, but not what she looked like.  As for Fred's suggested pre-sex regimen, I'm still not convinced he's not putting us on.

Tue Sep 29, 2020 10:14 am
HenryM wrote:


At my age, memories of sex are like memories of my first girlfriend:  I recall what her name is, but not what she looked like.  As for Fred's suggested pre-sex regimen, I'm still not convinced he's not putting us on.

Funny ... I remember his first name and face and moment . We're still good friends. He's now divorced and we laugh about us starting a relationship again after 45 years ! As a forward speaking lady , I told him that I did join this group as he had joined some dating sites . He replied ...well at least you don't fart !!! 
I can't see any dr suggesting to take stop up pills and hide the new you . I'm waiting for the day when I may swell and a store clerk thinks I'm stealing something under my shirt ! , I must add ..it's really great being able to talk to people on here . Really makes me regret not jumping in to activities this past year . Thankyou for being a friend on here 

Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:07 am

Each to there own if it works for you and makes you feel good and confident good for you.

If I meet a woman and she had a wrap or something kept round her stomach all the time even if I didn't have an ostomy myself I would think something strange is going on hiding something from me...from a male point of view I want to unwrap kiss carees and so much more to every part of a womans body! I can't say from a female point of view if they feel the same way about a male body.

I've never been one for 1 night stands myself.

Never hidden my ostomy from anyone and it's never been an issue with any partner and having an ostomy for over 30 years there have been a few along the way lol.

Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:31 am
Ritz wrote:

Funny ... I remember his first name and face and moment . We're still good friends. He's now divorced and we laugh about us starting a relationship again after 45 years ! As a forward speaking lady , I told him that I did join this group as he had joined some dating sites . He replied ...well at least you don't fart !!! 
I can't see any dr suggesting to take stop up pills and hide the new you . I'm waiting for the day when I may swell and a store clerk thinks I'm stealing something under my shirt ! , I must add ..it's really great being able to talk to people on here . Really makes me regret not jumping in to activities this past year . Thankyou for being a friend on here 

Ritz:  Re the suspicious store clerk:  see my 6/7 post Ostomy Memories Redux.

Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:32 am
panther wrote:

Each to there own if it works for you and makes you feel good and confident good for you.

If I meet a woman and she had a wrap or something kept round her stomach all the time even if I didn't have an ostomy myself I would think something strange is going on hiding something from me...from a male point of view I want to unwrap kiss carees and so much more to every part of a womans body! I can't say from a female point of view if they feel the same way about a male body.

I've never been one for 1 night stands myself.

Never hidden my ostomy from anyone and it's never been an issue with any partner and having an ostomy for over 30 years there have been a few along the way lol.


Not that I have experience with my bag and sex , but I agree as far as hiding it . How could you hide anything , especially if you want a relationship go to a higher level of intimacy, even if it was a one night stand ( not my thing though) . Just own it ..live with it ...it's the new you . That's how I feel , but let's see if it ever works out for me .. time will tell. In my head and heart  that's how I feel .... but then again , I've been sheltered in all these months with not many to talk to . 

Tue Sep 29, 2020 12:21 pm
Ritz wrote:


Not that I have experience with my bag and sex , but I agree as far as hiding it . How could you hide anything , especially if you want a relationship go to a higher level of intimacy, even if it was a one night stand ( not my thing though) . Just own it ..live with it ...it's the new you . That's how I feel , but let's see if it ever works out for me .. time will tell. In my head and heart  that's how I feel .... but then again , I've been sheltered in all these months with not many to talk to . 


Good Morning, All~

Yes, to each their own.  

As a serial monogamist, I don't do one-night stands, either, and have no experience (yet!) in dating with my ileostomy.

I agree with Ritz:  honesty is the best policy well BEFORE the intimacy - and let the chips fall where they may. 

As for the regimen of pills pre- & post-"date"?  It's not something I'm willing to try;  I can't see how that would be healthy for MY body.  Jus' sayin'...

Lily17

Tue Sep 29, 2020 3:36 pm

I have tried a totally different strategy, one that does not involve medications at all. I explained it on these pages once but I think those tongue-in-cheek remarks were met with a great deal of scepticism. I will try anything once, so let me see if those pills are available here. Hopefully, they wont be the last pills I take. Honesty is really the best policy, but a little guile could be overlooked here, after all everything is fair in love and war they say. If Lamictal quitens the stoma, then its good not just for those stormy encounters but could be handy in some other situations as well. Best wishes.

Tue Sep 29, 2020 4:56 pm

Some very interesting perspectives here. When I first read Fred's post I thought "Oh my God, what a lot of trouble to go to in order to have sex!". The way I see it is there is sex and there is intimacy. Sometimes they come together and sometimes they don't. When I was younger sex was more important than intimacy and now the opposite is true. For someone out there playing the field and not looking for something long term, I guess I can see going to such lengths. Still I agree that honesty is the best policy and I also think that the stress of trying to hide your ostomy and worry of it somehow being discovered would not make for a very relaxed sexual encounter. Stress and sex don't go so well together, just sayin...

Terry

Lily17 wrote:


Good Morning, All~

Yes, to each their own.  

As a serial monogamist, I don't do one-night stands, either, and have no experience (yet!) in dating with my ileostomy.

I agree with Ritz:  honesty is the best policy well BEFORE the intimacy - and let the chips fall where they may. 

As for the regimen of pills pre- & post-"date"?  It's not something I'm willing to try;  I can't see how that would be healthy for MY body.  Jus' sayin'...

Lily17

Some very interesting perspectives here. When I first read Fred's post I thought "Oh my God, what a lot of trouble to go to in order to have sex!". The way I see it is there is sex and there is intimacy. Sometimes they come together and sometimes they don't. When I was younger sex was more important than intimacy and now the opposite is true. For someone out there playing the field and not looking for something long term, I guess I can see going to such lengths. Still I agree that honesty is the best policy and I also think that the stress of trying to hide your ostomy and worry of it somehow being discovered would not make for a very relaxed sexual encounter. Stress and sex don't go so well together.

Terry



Wed Sep 30, 2020 7:23 am

Thanks, Nurse with an Ostomy and knowledge. Lomotil and Lamictal are two entirely different birds. Whew! Thank God I didn't take those pills!

Fri Oct 02, 2020 2:05 pm

Lamictal is an anti-convulsant (I've taken it in the past for my epilepsy). I think (and hope) you mean lomotil.

Fri Oct 02, 2020 3:24 pm

Lamactil  is for epileptic seizure control what does that have to do with slowing intestinal output? 

 

Tue Oct 06, 2020 12:13 pm
pietrzak wrote:

Lamactil  is for epileptic seizure control what does that have to do with slowing intestinal output? 

 


My bad, I didn't have the bottle in my hand when writing note.

Actual med is loperamide which is generic for Imodium.

Tue Oct 06, 2020 2:52 pm
Fred383 wrote:


My bad, I didn't have the bottle in my hand when writing note.

Actual med is loperamide which is generic for Imodium.


Hi, Fred!

I wondered about that...!  When I had ulcerative colitis, loperamide hydrochloride (Imodium A-D) was my go to - especially as the disease progressed - just to function.

Thank you for the correction.  : )

Lily17

Tue Nov 10, 2020 6:34 pm
HenryM wrote:

Your doctor has specifically approved this procedure?  Just curious.

I've talked this over with my Dr, whom I see every 3 mo., and he sees no problem as long as I experience no ill effects.  Thanks for asking.  Fred

Tue Nov 10, 2020 6:53 pm
delgrl525 wrote:

Some very interesting perspectives here. When I first read Fred's post I thought "Oh my God, what a lot of trouble to go to in order to have sex!". The way I see it is there is sex and there is intimacy. Sometimes they come together and sometimes they don't. When I was younger sex was more important than intimacy and now the opposite is true. For someone out there playing the field and not looking for something long term, I guess I can see going to such lengths. Still I agree that honesty is the best policy and I also think that the stress of trying to hide your ostomy and worry of it somehow being discovered would not make for a very relaxed sexual encounter. Stress and sex don't go so well together.

Terry




I agree for the most part.  In my case, I'm not looking for a mate but a partner for sexual enjoyment on a regular basis which is what I'm lucky enough to have.  At first there was no discussion about "weight belt" and as time went on and was asked I said "A wound that doesn't heal" sorta true.  Then as time went by and we became friends as well, I felt comfortable sharing the knowledge of my ostomy.  Not a blink, just curious as to how it came about.  I still wear the belt to keep the bag out of the way and take the antidiarrea to avoid interruptions during a pleasant time.  For those looking for a mate, it would be best to have the "discussion" right off the bat to weed out the trolls.  But always keep in mind that it is just one minor aspect of who you are.  Don't you blow it up out of proportion before you've even said "Hi".

Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:02 pm
bowsprit wrote:

I have tried a totally different strategy, one that does not involve medications at all. I explained it on these pages once but I think those tongue-in-cheek remarks were met with a great deal of scepticism. I will try anything once, so let me see if those pills are available here. Hopefully, they wont be the last pills I take. Honesty is really the best policy, but a little guile could be overlooked here, after all everything is fair in love and war they say. If Lamictal quitens the stoma, then its good not just for those stormy encounters but could be handy in some other situations as well. Best wishes.


not lamictal but Imodium over the counter or the generic by your Doctor.  V I P. Fred

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