Dating with an ostomy

I have had my ostomy for a number of years now and all I can say is that dating with an ostomy sucks.�

Dave

it can be tough, but then i wasn't such a big fan pre-ostomy either... 🤔 

there's a lot of fish in the sea though to go with the classic cliche, so there's bound to be someone who's a good fit eventually right? 

I've had my ostomy over 30 years never found dating a problem myself but we all have our own personal experinces 

David, 

  So many factors play into whether it's good or sucks that it would be hard to generalize.  That's true of about everything on here, as folks can have an ostomy for so many reasons........as well as having other health conditions ranging from none to about as bad as it can get.  So I won't try to convince you that dating is good or bad or even sucks........everyone has their own situation and demons.  If there's anything specific you'd like to discuss or want opinions on..........we're all right here.  Fire when you're ready Gridley!

;0)

bob

David, Just to say dating with an ostomy sucks is just a matter of opinion. It doesn't suck. You may be a bit frustrated but don't give up. Some things take time and dating with an ostomy is one of those. I am 40 years with this ileostomy and I have been through the toughest of situations to very appealing ones. I've had 11 surgeries and haven't ever had a problem dating thankfully. I firmly believe it's a matter of what you put into it to get the understanding, trust and respect of the person you are dating. Maybe the person you are dating is not someone you feel you can settle down with. Keep at it by all means. I think dating is interesting. I've had my ups and downs but I wouldn't say it sucks. Maybe someone on this sight might have better insights than I do but all I can offer is to talk about it. Let me know if I could help. Mike

Hey Dave.. I wanna wish you good luck  in the dating the scene. it is rough out there now.  definitely a challenge to meet people these days with covid hanging out... We are both in same boat.

I too pondered how could I meet someone like this? It's all in how to present yourself. Confidence..Think about how you were pre osty? I dont know if you were married, but before the  spinal  pain you had, what was your dating like?   over time if you met somone you could let them know about the osty.  for me, I dont let them know jack..  work on your charm, wit, be optmistic.. cause nothing has changed. you're still Dave. So what? you got a wear a bag?   my suggestion would be click on the "find members" icon above and try dating someone with an osty who is also looking to date in there.  You may  be surprised finding someone like you  there.   

Now if you planned on one of the other ways to get woman, like other dating sites,  your pictures say a those words about you. fear not.  life can suck. life can be good too.  and I hate to say this but there are people worse off than you  ( and us osties)  looking  to date.. and their life may also suck. but theye move on.  There is a young woman on here I had the pleasure to chat with.. awesome girl.  Later she mentioned guys drop silent after learning she's in a wheel chair.  the chair doesn't make the woman.  She has more life in her than I will ever have dude.  so.. you get back on the horse.  don't look back.  I betcha within  a year you change your tune.  be pateint.   ---Warrior. 

In the search for new friends when to disclose your most vulnerable quality can be a daunting task. Everyone has to navigate that on their own. How much does your station in life count for? Do the well-off and the not so well-to-do face the same odds? I doubt it. Candor probably works. Someone who does not want you as you are is not worth it in the first place. Anyway, views expressed from a far away land where conditions are different may not have much validity in the US.

Hi Dave, 

 Warrior and Superme, said it very well. 

  If, in your experience,  you believe that " dating sucks".,   then that's the expectations you'll bring to the table...   Not really a lot to offer.. 

  Hi,   I'm Marsha, and i'v ehad my ileostomy since I was a teen of 15.    That's over 55 years.    I won't say dating was easy,    but it was fun.   After 4 years in and out of hospitals, sick with UC,  I was thrilled to get back to real life, school,  social opportunities, including dating.    Yes, there was t he ostomy,   but I came to terms with that at a very young age..    If " it" was a  problem for anyone, then he wasn't for me..    End of story. 

 In reality, I had more of an issue with my height ( short) and weight ( chubby)  than I did with my ostomy..     But I found guys I liked, and who liked me......and those first dating years were fun. 

 I married very young, ironically a man with an ileosstomy, and although we were together for 24 and a 1/2 years,   we were never really compatable.   The ostomy wasn't enough to keep us together.......but we had two sons, and so I waited.   Eventually I/ we divorced.   He remarried my first cousin ( who also  had an inleostomy)    but I've spent the last 20+ years dating, traveling, working, socializing..   I met a lot of nice guys,    just not the one for me..    I'm 72  now, and was with a guy for about 4 years, until we broke up 2 years ago.   He had some family and medical issues.......but we still talk, an may even get back together.. 

   I find it difficult, to meet interesting men,   who like to go places, do things.       I enjoy music, theater, reading,   good conversation, travel, travel....and did I s ay travel?   Have been around the world  ( I was a teacher with lots of time, and not enough money)  love to cruise, or  just take day trips...    Besides, Europe, China, Japan, Israel, Africa and even Malta,     I have been to Australia 7 times, to visit my son and his family who lives there..   On one of my trips,  I knew I was going to be alone a lot, so I registered on an Aussie dating site, and met some guys .   So I had the best of both,   family time with the grand kids, plenty of me time for exploring the Gold Coast, and dating time to meet new people..   I'm no longer working, and my " wings have been somewhat clipped" due to finances and covid,    but I'm still out there looking.   If you have any specific questions, feel free to write/ ask.  Would love to hear from you.    Marsha

Hi Dave,

I too agree with everyone thoughts!  I hope 🙏 that loves still exists regardless.  It just finding your groove and putting it out there take a chance.  Maybe u are just that special and the universe will make it happen in due time.  Better to talk and get to know loads of people and find what u are looking for. Life time partner or friends with benefits 🤔.  I hope I can speak honest here.  Or just  company! the company of someone your interest in which it can be awesome. 

Everyone has something that gets in the way finding true friendship and a true love and lover ❤. 

I to am  hopefully one day find someone to that accept me for me and every part of me.  They say time heals all hope that is true and I let you all know.. I say there 31 flavors of ice cream according to Baskin-Robbins lol..  so I am going to sample and pick my best flavor. Variety is the spice of life 😉.

Good luck to us all hopeless romantics.  And Many blessings to all I am sure Dave you are special so wait for that right person that can appreciate you and desire you in the way you want to be.

Take care all 😇 and many blessings to all!

BAYS 🐝🐾🦋🧚‍♀️

Hello Dave.
Thanks for this post and thanks to all those who have replied as it is interesting to read about different people's take on this subject.
My own perspective lines up with WIgirl43 – inasmuch as ‘I wasn't such a big fan (of dating) pre-ostomy either'.
The closest I ever got to what other people might deem as ‘dating', was when I met people whilst being involved in activities that I would have been involved in anyway.
Given that we were all involved in the same activities out of personal choice, we all at least had something in common. Somewhat unsurprisingly, I grew closer to some people than others.
Eventually, I worked alongside someone, who seemed mutually compatible as a companion. It seemed the logical thing to do to propose marriage and we have been that way ever since. (1967) So, if my calculations are correct, this will be our 54th year. Thankfully, the perceived need for dating has not arisen in that time so I can confidently (and thankfully) say that I have very little experience of this particular activity.
Nonetheless, my story does show that a strong and lasting relationship can be formed without putting oneself through the process of formal ‘dating'. Simply meeting people in any setting, will offer opportunities to form friendships with those who are likeminded.
I wish to luck in your search for whatever it is you are looking for.
Best wishes
Bill