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Fri Dec 03, 2021 7:46 pm
"This is the best website for people with an Ostomy, hands down. So much understanding. Everyone should join."

I've been surprised and gratified by the degree to which "normal" women seem to have no issue with my colostomy.  Kind of renews my faith in Humanity.  There WAS a recent experience I thought I'd share.  I was talking to a 70-year-old psycho therapist through a dating site, not as her patient.  We got to talking about my being a cancer survivor and she asked about it.  I'm wasn't going to lie so I disclosed that I have a colostomy.  She said, "That's a problem."  I responded, "Oh!  You're the first."  We left the ball in her court should she wish to continue to get to know me.  Haven't heard back.  A 70-year-old psycho therapist no less!  

I'm glad I told her more sooner than later rather than having invested more time and effort in getting to know her!


Fri Dec 03, 2021 8:09 pm

I thought "normal" women wore bags. 

MeetAnOstoMate - 27,282 members
Fri Dec 03, 2021 8:39 pm

AlexT wrote:

I thought "normal" women wore bags. 

I think you missed my point.

Fri Dec 03, 2021 9:09 pm

r15437 wrote:

I think you missed my point.

No, I didn't miss your point. However, the women that have an ostomy are just as normal as any women without one and are probably way more sensitive to what you and your needs may be. Just because a person has some sort of health condition doesn't make them not "normal". 

Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:31 pm

Round one over next round two. Be nice no gouging or pulling hair.

Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:33 pm

I think I get you Richard  but " Normal "  is in. The eye of the beholder .   " Normal"  is a relative term . When I walk  down the beach with shorts and no T shirt  I get lots of feedback about how " Normal"  "  I am in the eyes of many people . When dry it looks like a bandage of some type . I use Micropore Surgical waterproof tape  to  keep it attached in Ocean waves .  When wet my shorts reveal " something " under there that actually is Not Normal for most people . I've exposed my bag on many beaches ., Chincoteague Island Va , Long Island NY and other NY beaches . I have also exposed in on many beaches in California , from San Diego  up to my current location in San Francisco and Lake Tahoe .  I have  seen that " Look "  in people's eyes  sometimes but most people don't react at all .  If the beach has a military base in the general area  I have gotten a litle nod or a look of recognition  , sort of like a  " high five " .  I've seen looks of surprise or  a grimace if my bag fills with air  while swimming ....like  ' what the hell is that !! ' . Generally I walk straight and tall ( well...not really very tall  lol.. 5'  4"  ☘🤠)  and hold my head up high  because the reality  is that we are proud of the fact that  fought for our lives in a battle to the death . Some fought  Cancer , some Colitis , car accidents  , some misfortune  proved to us how strong we are  and just how much crap ( literally !!  🤠🤠)  we can take  , just how much pain and suffering we can take  and remain  Sane and alive after our fight .  We defeated Death  and you know what !!  That does not make us " Normal" , it makes us Above and Beyond Normal  . 

     Those people who give you that funny  look  or whisper to their companions  have no idea how strong and how much  Above Normal we actually are !!   People I know and who have never had a nedical procedure , never had their belly slit open   (  may be just an Irish phease  !!??  🤡, scuse my French )  from  asshole to breakfast time  with our guts laying on a table beside us in the OR . . 

Dinner belll just rang . But you get my idea .  Normal is relative ..🤠☘💚

Sat Dec 04, 2021 4:57 am

Hi Richard,

The tone of your message is that you're surprised by her reaction and slightly angered by it.  I wouldn't have been.  People are all different, with very specific likes, dislikes, and what they find acceptable or not.  They're not wrong if they don't like you (or anyone else) for any specific reason........or for none at all.  We all have the freedom to like what we like and dislike what we dislike.  You're trying to equate the sympothy she should have in her job with that which she has in her personal life.  That's not a fair comparison to make, nor as you've found out, is it an accurate way to predict one's opinion or feelings. 

I've never held it against anyone for liking or disliking me.......for any reason.  That's their choice and they're free to make it.  The only thing you can control is your reaction to such situations, and I personally just shrug that stuff off and continue on.  I've 'not liked' women for things way less than having an ostomy, and probably so have you.  To be totally honest, before I became an ostomate my reaction to someone having a shitbag stuck to their abdomen 24/7 might have been similar to hers.  We tend to fear what we don't understand, and are looking for 'simple' in a relationship, not things that are out of the ordinary or appear troublesome. 

Bottom line here is she's not right or wrong in her reaction.........it just is what it is.  I think you got it right.......you learned of her feelings early and didn't have to waste any more of your precious time with a person who ultimately wasn't right for you.  I'd look at that as her doing your a favor in that respect.  At least you'll look at it that way when you find the right one. 

Onward we go.............



Sat Dec 04, 2021 12:11 pm

AlexT wrote:

No, I didn't miss your point. However, the women that have an ostomy are just as normal as any women without one and are probably way more sensitive to what you and your needs may be. Just because ...

Thank you Alex!!!!


Sat Dec 04, 2021 1:07 pm

Earth Angel wrote:

Thank you Alex!!!!


You're welcome. 

Sat Dec 04, 2021 1:20 pm

w30bob wrote:

Hi Richard,

The tone of your message is that you're surprised by her reaction and slightly angered by it.  I wouldn't have been.  People are all different, with very specific likes, dislikes, an...


Well said.  Worry about what you can control.  Took me about 40 yrs to figure that out.  


Sat Dec 04, 2021 3:19 pm

Words used ironically or in a special sense
Quotation marks can also enclose words used ironically:

Many "experts" were called in for consultation.
The party whip called the five renegade MPs in for a "full and frank discussion" of the issue.

Sat Dec 04, 2021 5:07 pm

Hi Richard,  I take no issue with you referring to women without ostomies as "normal" as you are just using the word to make a distinction between them and us ostomates.  I think that woman did you a favour by being totally honest and upfront with you.  She could have said the ostomy didn't bother her, just because she didn't want to seem unkind or hurt your feelings.  That would not have been helpful to either of you.  Perhaps as a psychotherapist she has learned that honesty is the best policy.  On the other hand, a person cannot control their own physical reaction to something, regardless of their profession.  Before I became an ostomate myself, I would guess I might have had the same reaction that she did to a potential romantic interest with an ostomy.  I'm glad you have found her to be in the minority.  Good luck out there!


Sun Dec 05, 2021 7:10 am

Couldn't have said it any better Terry xx

Sun Dec 05, 2021 11:12 am

Years ago  one of my girlfriends told me  a story about dating. she was a nurse very pretty meet men easily ..had crohn disease and a colostomy. She meet the very handsome bass player while at a music festival. They went on a few dates that went well ..next step was the talk.. about her condition Ostomy and other personal matters that happen in an adult relationship. They kissed and said good bye for the evening. But she never heard from him again.. so after 5 days she called him.. to find out what was wrong.. he stated that he was ok with her condition (Ostomy) but he just did not wear condoms and did not want to be in a serious relationship where he had to wear one!!

But they started dating again after that call but it remained casual for the reason above..if you really like a person give them a call rejection does not kill it just stings a little.

Sun Dec 05, 2021 11:51 am

A pschotherapist's work is also known as "talk therapy", so one assumes that they choose their words carefully. That was an unkind remark to someone who wears a colostomy bag and cannot be condoned in any way.

Tue Dec 07, 2021 2:33 pm

Hi there   , I have a littly Irish story that puts shitting in a plastic bag  in the Normal category . 

   I was at home driving in my car listening to a guy on  " Newstalk Radio "  , Sean Montcrief ....hilarious sometimes  about 3pm every day on that station .

   He was asking about things that people wanted to confess ,  " Shitty" things they did .   A girl called and said she had a really bad thing that she had done to a guy .  She proceeded to crack up everyone listening .

   I was out drinkin one night wit the gurls ( Dublin Accent 🤯☘)  and got really drunk .  She connected with a guy before closing and went home with him .  

"  It was just gettin brite outside and the bed felt kinda funny . As I regained consciousness ( paraphrase !! )  I wanted to hit the shitter so put my hand down to get myself outta bed .  Then I thought the bed was wet  and thought , this fucker pissed the bed , not going to a fellas house ever again . Getting more pissed off I kinda slid out of the bed  and it was just bright enough to see my hand when I started to get up . What the fuck is that fffng  smell ,  Jasus he smells like shite .  Well I looked atmy hand and it was Shite,  there was Shite everywhere  !!   Holy Feckin Jasus , the bastard shit all over me !! . As I pulled back the sheet to get outta the Shite  It looked like it was all on my side ....what did this Fekkin eegit do , shite on me and then change places !!??   As I stood up I felt very wet and squish between me legs  and when I had a good luck the shite was squishin out the arse end of MY  PANTIES   (  she squealed !! ) .  No ...Feckin ..Nooo. It was me who had a shite in the bed , not him .   I slowly and quietly got me clothes and cleaned up a bit without running the water . It was still almost dark outside so no worries about running into the milkman smellin like a two day old shite sandwich  !! .  I managed to get out without waking him and he might not even remember me !!??  Then I thought ....HE  is going to think that  it was  HIM   who shit the bed  , not the sweet young thing he brought home  !!  . " 

     She said that she really felt guilty but had a laugh every time she thought of the look on his face when he woke up covered in shite !  Thinkibg that it was his shite .  Must have scarred the poorguy for life !!   Guinness gives that Special Aroma   the next day , especially if you've been sleeping in it all night !! 

I know this was word for word true . The way she told it there was no doubt . 

Be careful with those Irish girls who drink Guinness , a Porter Shite is a terrible thing   lol...☘🤯😈

Eamon .  And  No !  Never did that myself , thankfully ,  bag or no bag .

Eamon  😈

Wed Dec 08, 2021 2:50 am

This young lady is a case of   " good cases make bad law "  as a wise Jurist once said . I'm sure this incident was a one off and the poor girl sadly went way overboard with her partying that one night ...I just don't want to ecourage the old Stereotype  of the inedbriated Irish person .  Generally Irish people are good himoured and  the least nasty people you could meet .. I would say that if after the guy had a shower and the " Hair of the Dog that bit him "  the girl could walk up to him , tell him the whole story and they would have a few pints   ...when they stopped laughing ! ...Not That many !! ...and be best friends .  Whatevet happens   don't lose your sense of humour .

Keep your eye upon the Doughnut and Not upon the Hole  🥳🥳☘☘

Thu May 19, 2022 4:36 pm

AlexT wrote:

I thought "normal" women wore bags. 

They do I am living proof!!

Mon May 23, 2022 10:17 pm

What do you mean under normal women?

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