Hello Carpenter 56.
Thanks for your post as it reminds us all how this thing can affect people in different ways. Lots of people have expressed similar views in the past, so you are not alone in how you feel.
I do hope that this is a passing phase for you and that you can move on to have a more positive outlook and future.
As your name implies that you are a carpenter, it might provide inspiration to have a look at some of the fantastic photos of carpentry done by mild_mannered_super_hero.
Once we have struggled through the initial, physical, psychological and emotional phases of having a stoma and settled into the new routine, there is often very little that we cannot then do in life that we did before.
My hope is that you will reach that more positive arena as soon as possible and still continue to post on here to share your experiences with others who may be going through similar experiences, as sharing is often the best/ only way to manage the emotional stuff.
I must admit I had a scare
the first time that I saw it there.
I can't remember what I said
about this thing so crimson red.
Some thoughts were flashing through my mind
about how fate had been unkind.
Most of all I thought “Why me!”
that had to have this ostomy.
What in the world had I done wrong
that to this thing, I'd now belong?
This thing that stuck out from my tum
replacing my malfunctioning bum.
Right now I only speak for me
when talking of my ostomy.
They told me I would benefit
but I began to doubt that bit.
To tell the truth, I won't pretend
I thought that this would be the end.
I thought the active life I'd led
was now gone, forever dead.
There was no way that I could swim
with what looked like an extra limb.
There's nothing anyone could say
to keep these type of thoughts at bay.
The negatives exaggerated
as my mood degenerated.
It seemed that I had lost control
of my body and my soul.
But now I've had this ‘thing' a while
I can look back and I can smile.
For now I'm doing so much more
and I'm more active than before.
B. Withers 2012