I find i am angry.
Starting at age 10, my energy was declining. I could not keep on weight & i was constantly in the bathroom because my tummy hurt.
The hurt got worse. Crying. Screaming in pain. Unable to do much of anything because i hurt.
I was told i was dramatic. I was lazy.
I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at 13.
Because this diagnosis is not something people can SEE, i was still expected to be like everyone else.
So i did.
Through the pain.
Through the accidents.
Through all the suffering.
Im 30 years old. And prior to my surgery i was holding a full time job, going back to school part time, getting all As. Raising my son on my own. While falling behind in the house work. While constantly sleeping because i could not seem to keep up.
But i was expected to. So i did.
My surgery just happened.
Yes. It was painful. Yes. There are several large incisions because my large intestine was SO swollen and sick.
But this time its visible. There are scars. My intestine is now outside of my body.
Now everyone is on the same page. I am sick. I cant be expected to work even half the hours i was. I cant be expected to do even half my chores.
While im grateful for the validation, im angry.
The pain i have now...the pain i had even just waking up post surgery... is NOTHING compared to what ive been FORCED to face and function with for TWENTY YEARS.
So while i am thankful. I. Am. Furious.
Worse, I'm hurt.