When something's lost

WHEN SOMETHING’S LOST .



When people feel that something’s lost


then they may often ‘count’ the cost.


This calculation is a tool


to stop them feeling like a fool.



The process can be functional


since it is instructional.


The searching of your heart and soul


can sometimes help you gain control.



Well, certain things felt lost to me


when once had my ostomy


and in my melancholic state


my loss I’d start to calculate.



The first thing in this losing theme


was the loss of self-esteem.


Within my search I would unearth


a loss of self-respect and worth.



Now these were things that meant a lot,


without them life might go to pot.


Imagine how to my dismay


I watched these things just melt away.



My sense of loss was even more


because I felt my wife withdraw.


She used to be so passionate,


affectionate, companionate.



Nothing much was ever said


but such passions now seemed dead.


I grieved a little at this loss


as it embellished my pathos.



Though physically we’re not now close


there seems no need to be morose.


Because of all the things we had


the loss of one thing’s not that bad.



For every other part of life


upholds with me and with my wife.




B. Withers 2013

Where one thing is lost, other things can be found.

I too have lost this with my husband but for different reasons. I had massive surgery and reconstructive surgery due to a tumor. But we are still together. We are coping. It has been 4 years since surgery. I have been married for 28 years and my husband nursed me through chemo, radiation, and then the surgery. We don't have the exact relationship we once had, but we have another kind. We still love each other, still hold hands, and still are each other's best friend. Sometimes, as Mrs. A says, when you lose something, other things can be found. Your wife may not know how to approach things. The important thing is talking about it. Try to talk about everything. It's an adjustment for her too. I know that at first I just thought it affected me, but that isn't true. It affects my husband too. You talk about self-esteem. You are the same person. Don't let this define who you are or who you can be. My colostomy is not who I am. It is just an inconvenience. Take care.

Hello Mrs A. - A great caption!and hello Perlita: Thank you for your post and sharing your experience as it helps to know how others manage. Fortunately my wife and I have been through this type of thing before when she had her hysterectomy and had some difficulty in coming to terms with the loss and the new status. We gradually got through that blip in self-confidence and remained close in other ways until the time was right for a more 'normal' relationship. This situation does not seem to be too different from that and I am sure that given time and no pressure that our relationship will drift back to how it was. Having been married for 48 years I don't think a little thing like a stoma will come between us in any significant way. Best wishesBill

Congratulations on your longevity and mutual attitudes. Sometimes we could put so much energy into what we think is so important and we miss what could be way more wonderful. You guys get it. Mike

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Thanks iMacG5. You got it in one! Interestingly I'm compiling some 'two-line rhymes' at present and your comment will be ideal to translate into one on those. so thanks for your input. Best wishes Bill