GRATITUDE

Bill, it's 6:00 am here. What were the fireworks for? Why do you celebrate the 5th, Angelica Marie?

We celebrate November 5th as 'Guy Fawkes' night.Otherwise known as 'bonfire night'.

On November 5, 1605, Guy Fawkes was foiled as he plotted to destroy the Houses of Parliament during state opening and kill all inside it - including the King - in what became known as the Gunpowder Plot.

I'm not sure if we celebrate it because he failed or because he tried.

I will be in church all day, so I hope you have a pleasant day and you get to do the things you need to do!!!! Angelicamarie

Thanks for the thought, but I have found that there has never been enough time in my lifetime to do all the things I want or need to do so each day there are always things left over for the next.

Hi Bill and Angelicamarie. Beautiful name by the way. Angel Mary is what I keep thinking. Seems to really fit your kind postings. You both make me smile this morning. Bill, much gratitude to you once again for giving us healing, thoughtful words to read. I have found written words more effective than pharmaceuticals in some pretty serious situations. And your timing for sharing your theory of emotional control is really spot on. I'm going to be a grandmother very soon! I want to discuss your theory with my daughter and her boyfriend because they both suffer with anxiety, panic, and depression at times. The boy is a "reader" but my daughter is not. I think that in my environment, emotional control is often commonly perceived as suppression. I don't think that's the same thing though. My experience has taught me that the power residing in our beautiful brains is a sorely neglected true resource. Sometimes I think if the brain rather than the heart had been credited for the source of love in humans, then some of our aspirations would be realized much more easily.
I'm looking forward to another beautiful autumn day, 65 degrees (F) and sunny... And my husband is baking bread! Recipe for nirvana.
Peace.
Andrea

Hello Lemonlimeviolet. Thank you for joining our discussion and sharing your thoughts. I don't know about the 'timing' of sharing my theories as I'm always going on about them to someone or other. Every now and then someone may listen and we may have a 'constructive conversation' underway.
You are absolutely right about the reaction of some folks to perceive emotional control as 'suppression'. Whenever I get this response, I try to explain how the use of common sense 'logic' can be more of a replacement or counterbalance to uncontrolled emotions, than a form of suppression.
But that seems to be jumping the gun in the sequence of 'theories'. I should explain that the people I used to work with were those who had been through many forms of 'teaching', 'treatment' and 'therapy' and had come away from that feeling more damaged than when they went in. I was the last 'dumping-ground' for folks who were deemed to be unhelpable.(another word I made up!) In the Psychiatric field they were almost always labelled as 'personality disordered' and, by implication, untreatable. A number of them were also psychopaths, but that is another story.
The first thing I used to do was to answer three basic questions about their condition and themselves.
1) Do they recognise that they have a problem?
It is surprising how many people don't recognise their symptoms as 'problems' so, If for them their is no problem, then there surely is unlikely to be a solution.
2) Do they want to change?
Some people have lived with their 'conditions' for so many years(since very early childhood) that they have little or no desire to change.
3) Are they willing to 'work' at changing?
So often I used to find that people answered yes to the first two criteria but were not willing to do anything to help themselves change. They prefer to take pills or look for some other 'magic wand' solution. ( I actually asked one client if he was looking for a magic wand solution and he enthusiastically said "Yes! -that's exactly what I want!") When the psychiatrist said she didn't have one, his emotions burst over into aggression and he demanded that she find one before he attacked her.
The three questions summarise my theory of constructive engagement; If any one of the questions is answered in the negative, then there really is no point in trying to engage in 'constructive conversations' as the individual will find a way to sabotage the process.
Here endeth the first theory!
I do like your linkage between the head, the heart and love but, in my experience 'love' for human beings has become a word meaning another emotion out of control(albeit sometimes a pleasant experience). I prefer the type of love that needs thinking about and working on, not something that you 'fall' into, flounder about and then fall out of almost as quickly. This is often based on 'lust' which is easily mistaken for 'love'. ( just another theory)
There is an old Jamaican saying: "Love don't last - cooking do!" I hope you enjoy your husband's 'lovely' effort in making you fresh bread.
Best wishes
Bill

There doesn't seem to be any way to edit these posts when I see mistakes so I must point out that I get THEM to answer the three questions - not as it is written implying that I answer the questions for them.

Hey Bill, I'm now after church. I had to go and check on my parents. They're getting up in age, so I go every week. I was so tired today. I was in church from 9:00 am to 1:47 pm, then to check on Mom and Dad. How was your day, Bill? Did you get any rest? Hopefully, you did. I got your messages. Be good, Angelicamarie.

Meant to say I'm home now, Bill. Angelica Marie.

Hello Algelicamarie. Church from 09;00am to 1:45pm seems like a long time. I presume that there is more to it than praying during this time? Are your parents close by or do you have to travel far to see them?
I too was out visiting yesterday. My brother-in-law has a rare condition called amyloidosis as well as the after effects of a stroke, which means he needs to be in a residential home. These places can be very isolating for the younger people as most of the residents are well over 80 years and have conditions that make them bedbound and unable to communicate for most of the time. Fortunately, he has four sisters who all live locally, so someone can usually pop in to see him everyday.
I hope your parents were okay on your visit and the rest of your week will not be quite so hectic as the weekend.
Best wishes
Bill

We had communion yesterday. I also attend Sunday school, which starts at 9:30 until 11:00, and the services start at 11:15. I used to teach the women and children. And yes, it takes me 40 minutes to get to my parents when I have a sibling 20 minutes away who simply does nothing. I try. I don't want to have any regrets. They took care of me!!

Services are not secure. I shouldn't be there. I should have

Bill, thanks so much for asking!!!! Anglicamarie

Good morning Bill, how are you today? I'm hoping you feel pretty good. If you go out, dress fairly warm. It's supposed to be cool. Angelica Marie

I'm fine and how are you?
I have two jobs that I do during the week, plus all my writing so I don't always get back on here quickly to answer posts. However, I do usually try to come on this site first thing in the mornings so that I don't get too behind with correspondence. I understand how you feel about siblings who don't seem to do their duty but having lost nearly all mine, I now look back and feel that we just have to enjoy having them about no matter for better or worse.
Best wishes
Bill

Boy, I'm finding lots of life events of varying magnitude hit with a "fear" (anxiety) or "anger" (irritation) punch. I think some are so downright minute that they seem silly. It's only been a day or two, but I am having some good success here with facing down emotions... total infant at it but just trying to accurately identify them and then basically control them from having any purchase whatsoever in my mind by carrying on with a different mindset or activity. We shall see if this is simply a honeymoon phase or if I'll be any good at it in the long run. Best of luck to like-minded comrades out there! A bit of unexpected control is a happy circumstance. For anyone.

Bill, talk to you later. I'm going to the doctor's appointment. Have a pleasant day!!!!

Hello Lemonlimeviolet.
I am so pleased to hear that you are giving it a go to try to control your emotions and I am confident that if you keep practicing you will reap the rewards of a less-stress existence.
You have already chosen a very effective strategy by carrying on with a different mindset or activity - It's what we call 'distraction' and it is what almost all emotionally balanced people indulge in to help them control otherwise wayward emotions. There are so many useful distractions that I won't try to list them for you but it is worth noting that the distractions you use, need to be equal to or more interesting/demanding than the emotions it is replacing otherwise the emotions take over again. For my own distraction techniques, I chose to 'study' emotions so that I could more thoroughly understand what they were and why they affected people/me in the ways that they did. By studying them logically, I was not denying their existence or trying to eliminate them altogether, but just trying to find out how to control them more effectively.
In my studies, I came up with quite a few theories and 'mini-models' to help clarify and understand the multifaceted nature of the phenomenon.
If you are interested, I could gradually share these mini-theories with you as you explore your new world of self-control. Just like with having a stoma in the early stages, sometimes it helps to have someone to share your experiences with, especially when there are ups and downs in the road to getting a grip on the problems. Emotional control is one area that I can safely say that I have 'been there -done that' for myself and for many other people. So, if you would like a companion and potential mentor then I don't mind sharing my own knowledge and experience with you.
Best wishes
Bill

Hello Angelicamarie. I hope your trip to the doctors goes well and you have a pleasant day also.
Best wishes
Bill

Hey Bii, that's for the concern. Very sweet of you to remember. It couldn't have been better, I suppose. But I'm here, there, and everywhere, checking my poop for everything. I can't hold weight, always been slain but haven't been like this supine in my twenties. I weigh 109 lbs. How are you, Bill, and you, gal? The weather is definitely starting to change. You be good and have a pleasant and safe day, Bill. Angelina

Been small, not slain, since not supine since my twenties. Not you, your fam, not you, gal. I have an elephant eye out there. Should I dig them up now?

Gee, I'm making a lot of mistakes today. I'm a little nervous. Elephant ears, not eyes.

Hello Angelicamarie.
Sorry to hear about you not being able to keep the weight on. A lot of people do not realise how being underweight can be just a troublesome as being overweight. I is particularly worrying when there is the possibility of operations where you're likely to lose weight simply because of the procedures. There have been posts in the past about trying to maintain weight and from what I have read it is something that faces those with ileostomies. Perhaps, if there is someone on here that has had this problem and resolved it, they might join in and give you some advice on the subject.
Best wishes
Bill

Bill, thank you for your very generous offer. You really do have a vast capacity and talent for helping people. I gratefully welcome your expert analysis, opinion, advice....all! Please don't feel obligated though. I read these posts several times and every day am finding new benefits and pearls of concepts buried in the sentences. The concept of constructive engagement fascinates me. It's like turning down a side street that I've passed a million times on my way home...a place that may have held some intrigue...but too close to my final destination for me to warrant spending extra time on a diversion. Impatience is a devil I fight with a lot. Which emotion is at play there, I wonder? Fear again, probably. Heavens, this is eye-opening. The healing potential seems pretty staggering. "Proceed with caution," says my pragmatic inner voice! Also, wanted to say my favorite stanzas in GRATITUDE are the 2nd and 6th. The whole poem is really very good. All the best to you.

Angelicamarie, I'm sorry I don't know of any tricks for keeping weight on. I bet you've already tried a lot of different food strategies. This might sound weird, and if it does, please forgive me, but I wonder if there are any alternative therapies in terms of meditation or something like that? From your postings, I've read that prayer is a big force in your life, so today you are in my prayers for continued good health and for a bit of weight to stay put so you stay strong. God bless.

Hello Lemonlimeviolet.
I am so glad that you are interested and inquisitive about world of emotions/instincts. You are quite right to approach things with caution and I would encourage you to question everything that I and others may say on this subject or any other. Having studied the field for so long, I have come up with many theories and models to help explain the phenomenon to myself. However, all that I have to say is only 'theory' and, as such can be replaced by a better theory as and when it comes along. I do pride myself in thinking that most of my theories are based on 'common-sense' and they might therefore be already familiar to you and others as being pretty obvious. However, I have tried to bring some of them together to make sense of why some people have mastered the skills of emotional control and others have not. There are a few introductory concepts that I share with people so that they can better understand where my theories originate.
The first is that I believe that emotions are a form of dynamic energy. This is deduced by the fact that people who get highly emotional for any length of time become exhausted, having used up their emotional energy, perhaps without doing anything physical at all. Given this presumption, I use the analogy of other forms of dynamic energy such as electricity, water, gas, etc. being palpably dangerous if left out of control whereas if the energy is managed controlled then it can be made to work for us rather than against.
My theory states that this same principle applies to emotional energy. If you don't control it - then it will control you.
I will not try to rush through all that I would like to introduce you to as this might be too much for both of us all in one go. A little at a time may allow you to contemplate the concepts and maybe integrate them with those you already possess. Remember, that almost everything that I will relate to you will be concepts that some under five year olds have been taught and integrated into their view of the world. These are the children who travel through life knowing how to control their emotions - so get the best use from their energy without the frustrating problems associated that energy working against them.
Best wishes
Bill

Thank you, Bill. You're a nice person. Thanks for saying a prayer for me and my friend. God bless you!!!

Hello Angelicamarie. Thank you for your comment. However, I think you will find that it was Lemonlimeviolet who had you in her prayers. That does not mean that I'm not thinking of you and hoping that your problems will resolve soon. The difference is that the energy force that I believe underlies the concept of 'God' is not something I can pray to in the accepted sense of 'prayer'. Nonetheless, I do believe that there are many things that humans do not understand fully in relation to such matters and therefore keep an open mind on the subject. I do feel that the power of positive thinking, especially when many people are involved in it at the same time, can have a beneficial affect of the world around us. However, it always seems such a pity that there are also many people simultaneously thinking negative things that, at times, it seems to outweigh those who are more beneficent in their prayers.
You do, of course, remain in my thoughts and I also appreciate the good work that you and others engage in through their various churches.
Best wishes
Bill

Hello Lemonlimeviolet, thanks for your prayers!!!! Angelicamarie!!!!!

Dear Bill and Angelicamarie,
Before I write more, I want to share that I had my colostomy reversed in December of 2015 and am 8 months out from my last surgery for a whopper hernia. I'm deeply connected to this community and will feel so for the rest of my life. But I think it's significant enough to mention and give you the opportunity to decide if or how this impacts our conversations. Angelicamarie, you refer to your "friend," and I have the same connection. It's a sobering and truly amazing experience to witness a piece of yourself...previously unseen and taken for granted...save your life and chug along without really asking much in return. (Except maybe holding off on eating a hot burrito.) I have deep respect and something deeper unnamed for experiences I know not about. So in the spirit of friendship, you deserve my disclosure.
Bill, thank you for sharing your theory of dynamic energy related to emotions. Again, I find this fascinating, and I'm sure it's because this is a logical and base evaluation. In the past, I've been shown examples of how the force of energy is neither created nor destroyed. It exists in this manner. I believe it, but I don't understand it. Thank you, and all the best to you both.

Hello Lemonlimeviolet. Thank you for your disclosure as it shows you are willing to share, even at the risk of some negative reaction. However, you may be reassured that it makes not one bit of difference to me whether you have a stoma or have had a reversal. The point is just as you say, you have had the experience and feel part of this community, which is more than enough for you to be welcomed and included in whatever conversations transpire here.
When we are talking about the dynamic energy of emotions/instincts, none of us really know the intricate details of what it is about. That is why I stress that what I think is only 'theory' based on what I observe and what seems to make sense at the time. As we progress in our understanding, I am confident that someone else will come up with better, logically based theories but for now I just make them up as I go along.
Here is one I developed because people kept asking me -: If it is so important that the skills of emotional control are learned before the child reaches five years old, then why are these skills not taught in schools?
It took a long time for me to come up with a theory on this one because it is multifaceted and complicated. Eventually I whittled it down to an understandable concept for our modern society.
Logically controlling emotions is primarily a 'thinking' process. The people who benefit most from folks acting on their uncontrolled emotions/instincts and not thinking for themselves, are the people who are involved in politics and commerce. The politicians would be voted out and the shopkeepers would be out of business if people controlled their instincts and thought things through before they acted impulsively. It is in their best interests if the general population don't 'think' for themselves but are willing to be 'influenced' and told what to do by them. Look around, and you will find that there is very little talk among the people who rule our societies about how important it is to think things through. What they want us to believe is that they have done the thinking and therefore they are 'right' about everything they say. The general population are viewed as followers and therefore only need to be told what to think, rather than actually doing it themselves.
The curriculum based academic system bears witness to idea that they want our children to learn what 'they' think is important - by remembering answers, rather than thinking about the questions and coming up with their own answers.
It might be surprising to learn who can become victims of such a system. I used to take sessions with PhD students coming towards the end of their first year who were suffering from great anxiety because they had done so well remembering stuff and passed all their exams to get to PhD level. Then, they are expected to think for themselves and find that they do not have the skills to do so. Fear and panic (uncontrolled emotions) take over and they were in a state of frozen ineptitude. Some of them were diagnosed as mentally ill and ended up in hospital.
My programme was designed to 'teach' them how to 'think' rather than remember. It was simple enough for the under five's to understand so PhD students had no problems with it once it was explained. It was not that these people were unintelligent in academic terms, it was because they were emotionally inept. This was down to our society's system of teaching that does not really encourage youngsters to think for themselves.
Their system imbibes an attitude of answers that are either right or wrong so if someone thinks of an alternative way of thinking about a question, if the response doesn't match what they 'want'. then it is marked as 'wrong'. Many very bright children give up on schooling because they are being brainwashed and conditioned to follow rather than think for themselves.
Anyway! that's my simplified theory on why children are not taught the skills in schools.
There are some good books on theories in 'emotional intelligence' if you are interested in this subject.
Best wishes
Bill