Ostomy Talk

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I'm really on the edge as I found out more bad news. I don't know what to do. No one seems to understand what I'm going though. I'm sure whoever if anyone is reading this will. I can't get a reversal. Maybe this isn't a big deal, maybe it is but I have not come to terms with it at all. Anyways just a shot in the dark posting here. Anyone else receive similar news and were crushed?

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Hey dasey what happened to your profile? I heard someone hacked it ? And I didn't get that type of news but other news and more stuff to go through after what I just got done going through the past couple months

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Hello daisy

look around here, some ppl chose not to get a reversal , honestly it sets better with time, look at all the ppl here t have given them cute names! Take a deep breath— it will be ok!


Hey Daisy, we did think your account got hacked... getting messages that didn't sound like you then responses not lining up. Would love to get back in touch once I know your account is good.


A reversal was never an option for me so I would be lying if I said I know how you feel but can understand you must be upset I'm sure other members will be along shortly that have been through the same as you.


Hi Daisy, If you went into this thinking it was only temporary, I can imagine it would be a big shock to find out this will be your reality forever. A lot to get your head around and find acceptance. I had no expectations either way when I had my initial surgery, as I had a perforated bowel and needed emergency surgery. I later was told that I could have a reversal, but it was not something my surgeon pushed for at all, and after doing my own research, I decided against it. Too many risks and a high chance of a poor outcome. I decided that I'm happy with the quality of life I have now and would not take a chance on a reversal. I see you have an ileostomy like me. I hope your surgeon discussed potential outcomes with you. People with colostomies have a much higher likelihood of successful reversals. People with ileostomies, not so much. I'm not sure this will make you feel any better, but you might be saving yourself a lot of grief by not having a reversal. Finding it in yourself to accept your new reality might take time, but you will get there, and there are lots of people here to help with support and empathy. Hang in there.


Reply to Beth22

Hey... I'm not sure what happened to my account if anything. I know my profile pic was deleted (seemed to disappear) so I updated it today! I used new pics though. I don't think I was hacked but Ill change my password just incase.

im so sorry to hear you had more news too, I know you've been through alot. It just gets overwhelming when you try so hard to do your best to be healthy and it's one thing after another. I hope you're okay. And will continue to heal.

Reply to vegan2share

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Not sure I'll give it a cute name, but I'll give that some thought. I'm hoping time helps but it's depressing to know this is my new normal even though I'm told I'll be healthier and people tell me that all the time that I look better since I got my ileostomy. Did you name yours?

Reply to crappycolondiaries

I'm so sorry everyone thought my account was hacked. I would have deleted me too if I seemed to be a bot or someone else. I think my messages seemed weird cause I've gone back to work and didn't have time to reply properly. Weird right? Just been working alot and didn't have as much time for the site. I missed it though! I love this website.

Reply to Ben38

I know that's not an option for many so I feel bad even complaining I can't get one. I wasn't as upset at first but I think it just didn't set in..... thanks for the response

Reply to delgrl525

I did go into this thinking it was me having a reversal was going to be the end result. They were about to take me into emergency surgery and I almost didn't take it. I was traumatized from having one all through my adolescence and thought I couldn't bear to go through it again. The doctor before the surgery literally promised me I would be having one. Once I was passed off to the next doctor he said there was no possibility. I took it well until time passed. Having already had a reversal I realize now how lucky I was to have my j pouch for as long as I did. Your message def does make me feel better. If I knew my reversal would be a failure I'm not sure I wouldn't still choose it. That's half my depression talking too though. I do know my ostomy saved my life but sometimes I forget that and hate it anyways. Lol. I'll hang in there. Thanks for your message!


Hi Daisy

I had to go back to a stoma as the pouch/reversal was a disaster. Was a tough decision but I haven't looked back.


Reply to Axl

Would be a tough decision. I guess I'm glad partly that I have no choice because I would choose to get it I know I wouldd. How long did it last?


Hi Daisy my oldest bro had colon cancer and had a temp colostomy and after 6mos. he had it reversed but now has to take as many as 10 immodiums a day to control diahrea and he tells me he wished he never had the reversal, he,s retired now so he doesnt have to go to work and deal with those issues and he tells me he wished he kept the pouch even tho he hated it.

Reply to ron in mich

If it turned out worse I can't imagine. I probably would want to get my ostomy back if I was taking that much to get through the day. I had to use the washroom so frequently when I had my jpouch. Work is hard enough now I couldn't imagine having to go to the washroom more! It's still disappointing, but all the comments are helping so thank you for sharing.

Reply to Daisy2023

I put up with it for 12 months taking a rotating cocktail of antibiotics hoping it would sort itself out but it didn't,couldn't stand it anymore and went back to the ileo.


I can't get a reversal either. I waited for that surgery for months. It was on the books for March 30 of this year. On March 5 I met with the surgeon and she said a reversal wasn't possible. It was not good news. I am learning that it isn't the end of the world though. There are some good things about having a permanent ostomy. For one, you are alive!



Daisy, anyone would be upset if they expected something and then were told it wasn't going to happen. May my cr*ppy story make you feel better. I have an ileo and so was not slated for the optimal outcome (Terry mentioned the ileo outcome and she's right.)I gave my j-pouch five years and couldn't take it anymore, the pain, the meds, the uncertainty. I know it's a shot in the dark because you're still feeling so upset but maybe, just maybe, you dodged a bullet. Once you get through feeling what you need to feel now, you'll reach the next phase soon and feel more at peace. You'll start to consider everything related to your experience, not just the disappointment. Just talk it out and give yourself time.

Reply to eefyjig

Thank you for your reply. I'm trying to accept jt and you are prob right I did dodge a bullet just after having one for 30 years around I had no idea people had so much trouble with them. I do remeber my surgeon as a teen telling me it had a 50-50 chance of working. Not sure what the odds actually are just that always stood out to me. I think I did have j pouch problems but they were my normal since I was so young when I got it. I forget that they won't all work out

Reply to Axl

Yes this is awful. I'm sorry for you having to go through that! The girl in the bed next to me in the hospital the last time I was in was back to get her ostomy back. So many surgeries it's scary.

Reply to infinitycastle52777

Yes it's very crushing to hear that news when they already told you it was going to be possible. That is what happened to me as well. I think that makes it sting a bit more but yes it's great to be alive!


Hey Daisy, I know how you feel. I was told I could be reversed ,but when the time came to discuss it..I was told I couldn't because I was still on TPN and she wanted me to be healthy again before she would do another sugery.(I flat lined the 1st time)Then once I got off of it I went into kidney failure and wound up getting MAC Lung Disease last year. THEN after multiple ERCPS finding out I had fuild in my abdomen and a narrow bile duct which needed a stent and Now I'm doing this for the 4th time in September and was told My pancreatic duct is inflammed and I have Chronic Pancrantitis and have to be monitored for Pancreatic Cancer and am starting to loose weight again after being steady for the last yr..... My reversal is NOW a no go..So with all that being said I look at it this way...Reversals are no guarantee and I rather keep it then reverse it and have to do yet another sugery and after 3 yrs it's just become the norm for me..Would I like to just sit down and go ..of course but it's not going to happen and it's not the end of the world and I'm still alive so thats a plus! And talking helps to relieve some of the depression behind it and it's ok NOT to feel OK at times about what we have to go though day to day that most people don't!


Hi Daisy A reversal was never an option for me. But I do know how I felt when I found that out. Pretty devastated. It did take awhile to get my head around it and accept it as my 'new reality'. Sending loads of positive vibes your way.



I had an ileostomy in 2007. Hated it. Got it reversed after a year. Fast forward. 2020 I got rectal cancer. Had radiation and chemo. After a year, I was cancer free. Now, because if the damage done to my rectum by the radiation, I'm having permanent ostomy surgery. Feel kinda like you do. I know it'll make my life better, but still wrapping my head around it. I know it gets better, and I think we can do this together!!


Hi Daisy

I'm sorry this news is so crushing to you. Yes, when I originally received my news crushed me too. That was 50 years ago. I was 20 years old and newly married. I cried for days. Fortunately, my husband loved me and helped me accept it. Eventually, that marriage ended but not because of the ostomy. I dated and remarried a wonderful man. I have lived a very good life in the past 50 years that I wouldn't have lived otherwise. I traveled to Europe, Alaska, and Canada. I worked at a very busy hectic job that also had me traveling everywhere. I realized that the ostomy was a part of my life just like any other part of my body. I did not let the ostomy be my sole life or control my life.

I pray that you can accept the ostomy and live a good life as I have.

Kind Regards



You'll be fine, I was devastated when they told me about mine. I have come to grips with it cause it beats being in a grave. I do everything I used to but I just have to take extra care not to over due it or hurt myself.
it's a way of life and life isn't over it's actually a new beginning. My wife is 100 ok with it and it doesn't affect our relationship at all.

Reply to Daisy2023

Daisy, It is a tremendous adjustment....the on going care required, the body image change, dietary/nutrition questions, the concerns about how to dress to disguise the bulge. I am three years in all of the above still vexes me. Coming here knowing I am not alone, that others are coping successfully is very helpful. I try to remember to be grateful to God that I am alive. I am still dealing with anxiety/PTSD/depression issues related to a long complicated surgeries recovery, including rehab for atrophy of muscles. So easy--it's not! Time has a healing power. Hang in there! There are better times ahead. Best Wishes! Sunny


Hang in there Daisy. There are over a million of us. Mayo left my terminal colon, for a hookup. After 16 mths, the disease kept exuding pus. I asked them to remove it. Daily bleach enemas were miserable. Hey, we are ALIVE, living our lives to the best of our abilities. and I'm greatful for that.


It will take time getting used to it. I had colon cancer: resection, chemo, radiation. Thought all was going pretty well, but radiation damage caused a sore that wouldn't heal, and finally perforated. Cue the ostomy, with the notation that he expected to reverse in 6-12 months once that area would finally heal. Except, of course, it never would heal (to this day, 8 years later, still get bloody discharge from what's left of my colon). Although never explicitly discussed, I came to the conclusion no reversal would ever be possible after 2 years of it not healing. That actually gave me the time to come to terms with it gradually, so now I really don't even think about it much. Just another thing on "graceful aging" to-do list: try to exercise every day, get glasses to help my eyesight, think about a hearing aid, make sure I always have sufficient ostomy supplies.

People say be grateful, think of the advantages vs disadvantages, etc. That helps, but really, coming to terms with a permanent ostomy is an emotional, not rational thing. So all I can really say is, do things to raise your spirits, don't obsess, and eventually acceptance comes. It's really only when you look back that you realize how far you have come. Chin up, virtual hugs, and keep going!


O.K....now I'm getting concerned. I have a temp ileostomy and am waiting on a reversal (at 6 months now). I would have thought the reversal to be the easy surgery. I had rectal cancer and the area was excised with clean borders and cured. No other cancer/lymph node involvement. Reading these posts I'm getting scared. I don't want another surgery if it won't be successful...in fact the surgeon never mentioned any concerns for a reversal. The initial surgery knocked me for a loop (first major surgery at 62 yrs of age). I guess the good part is that the whole thing isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be...I never wanted a bag AT ALL, so I will ask my surgeon the pros/cons. If I had to have this forever, it wouldn't be the worst thing.

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