Dating and how/when to tell them

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PAS

Hi,

I have had my ileostomy now for 7 yrs and its doing great and so am I now after almost dying a couple of times before it. However, I have tried the dating sites and trying to meet people. I have tried not telling them right away and waiting until they get to know me a bit and I have tried telling them right away, and every time once they look it up .. they run and I never hear from them again. Its getting quite disappointing for sure. I have a lot of love to offer the right person, but they never stick around long enough to find that out. I'm starting to wonder if there are any men without them that aren't so shallow they don't want to see me for me not for my pouch! :(

Any suggestions? And sadly I am way up here in VT and there's no one on here from anywhere around me. And 7 states away is pretty hard to maintain a relationship even if it happened. Just looking for some advice. I refuse to give up trying but it gets very disappointing after a while.

 

Thanks

PAS

Cplumber

Hey. No worries. I already know! 😀

Right  it’s like we are band to the island of misfit toys. 😳. 

 

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,419 members. Get inside and you will see.

It's not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed.

Many come here for advice or to give advice 🗣, others have found good friends 🤗, and there are also those who have found love 💓. Most of all, people are honest and truly care.

Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.

Create an account and you will be amazed.

kittybou

If someone is going to judge you like that, heck with them!

Everybody goes to the bathroom, how they do it shouldn't even be a concern if someone cares about you. 

 

warrior

Hello Pas.

Who are you interested  in? 

A fellow osty or non osty? 🤔

If you are on other dating sites, you are searching for non ost- mates. Nothing wrong doing that. 

I am doing that as well.👍

Someone interested doesn't have to be several states away  ..  A few hours at most   .nor needs a  bag or not. 

It's good you started this thread. Read a few of mine😇 

ttyl.😉

 

veejay

"I refuse to give up".

Very admirable. 😊

V.J.

 

 
How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
Beachboy

I would say in general... it's harder when we're older to meet people, make friends.

I tell everyone I have a stoma.  Even give em a peek at it if they like.  I was at a restaurant yesterday ordering dinner.  On my long drive home from work, I undo the velcro on my support belt.  Well... forgot about it.  After I ordered dinner... realized I had a long "tail" beside me.  Waitress just stared.  People behind me in line backed up a step.  I just said "oopsie"  Pulled my shirt up, straightened the belt and reconnected the velcro.  There was silence while I sat in the waiting area.  I just love being the life of the party.

Hang in there.

warrior
Reply to Beachboy

hee hee. u mean center of attention there buddy? u deserve a chocolate  treat for that performance.  

gives new meaning to " he's got great tail".

warrior
Reply to veejay

word? VJ. what the heck is photo of? 

looks like a high teck lathe?

Beachboy
Reply to warrior

Wife had See's candy box out when I got home.  Munched a few chocolate covered peanut lovelies.  Didn't tell her about my "tail" incident.  She takes an occasional dim view of my antics.  Worst one... the other day she asked how's the stoma doing?  I pulled up my shirt and said "check it out.. looks great."  Despite being a devout woman of faith.. she let loose with a few choice words.

Morning glory

Don't  give up, he's  out there. You will find him; when you're  least expecting  to. I have dated a couple of non ostomates. They were very accepting  of my ileostomy.  The people  you met just were not the right one for you.

PAS
Reply to Morning glory

Thanks … 

I put them  on a “too shallow for me list” 🤭

PAS
Reply to warrior

I’m just looking for the  right person to love me I don’t care if he’s an Ostomate or not . 🤷‍♀️

veejay
Reply to warrior

 

It is called a Linotype machine Warrior.

Used in the printing industry for many, many decades. Replaced by computers nowadays of course.

The machine was invented by a watch maker back in the horse and buggy days.

It was a breath-taking invention for its time.....totally changed the printing/newspaper world.

If you ever get the chance to see one operating, please take it.

There is still some around in museums etc.

Or just Google.

Keep well.

V.J.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

warrior

Vermont is not that far from NJ.😉

IGGIE
Reply to PAS

Good Luck with your search, I think Australia is a bit far as well. Regards IGGIE 

IGGIE
Reply to warrior

G-Day Warrior,  Your only about 300 miles from her. You could leave every Friday Night and spend the weekends with her. Two old bags together, your made for each other.  Regards IGGIE

eefyjig
Reply to warrior

🤣!

eefyjig
Reply to PAS

PAS, from your photo we can tell you are beautiful inside and out. There are so many ways around our ostomies when it comes to romance, just try to keep that concept in the forefront. 

warrior
Reply to eefyjig

agreed🥰

warrior
Reply to IGGIE

Allo Mate.   Agree..

yes it is a doable drive. Have driven it before..

Time will tell.💁

warrior
Reply to veejay

Hey.. V J...Thanks for that explanation. 

Looked like something out of an alien movie..or high teck lathe.. 3-d machine...  cool..

there is a certain admiration looking back on these old beauties.  much like muscle cars back in the day, on todays roads. 

warrior
Reply to PAS

Well put PAS. 😍

AlexT

Watching to see how this turns out and if Warrior is willing to take the chance….

w30bob

Hi PAS,

  I don't think we're being fair to those guys and gals who want nothing to do with dating an ostomate. We all have personal preferences in mind when we look for a partner, and there's nothing wrong with that. Having an ostomy moves us out of the 'normal' catagory when it comes to dating, and many folks just aren't interested, as there are plenty of normal fish in the sea. That's their option, just as it is yours not to date someone that doesn't meet your definition of 'normal'. It's human nature to fear what we don't understand, and few have had any reason to understand what having an ostomy entails. 

  And that's exactly why I don't recommend telling your dates about your ostomy immediately when you first meet them. They probably know nothing about an ostomy, so it's important that you SHOW them that it's not a big deal. They're going to form an opinion about this new 'ostomy' thing based on how it affects you. If you act like it's no big deal and just a minor inconvenience......that's how they'll view it too. But if it's the first thing you talk about and something that always occupies your mind........they're not going to want to deal with it. It's your job to sell them on the fact that they're not dating an ostomy with a girl attached to it, but rather a gal who just happens to have something a little different about her, but it doesn't rule her world. Remember.....guys don't like competition!  

So next time your interested in someone just stay mum on the subject until you're comfortable with him and you're sure he has a genuine interest in you. Then when he finds it or it comes up in conversation just do like I do and say something like 'oh that.....don't worry, it's not permanent......it's just 'till I die'......then smile and move onto another conversation. Remember.....it's no big deal. And it won't be.

;O)

warrior
Reply to AlexT

moves have been made . but it appears to be a silent mov-ie..😔

PAS
Reply to eefyjig

Thank you :)

PAS
Reply to w30bob

Thank you :) I'll sure give that a try next time around.

 

 

IGGIE

I want a full update on this. Regards IGGIE

Daisy2023

Newly single, I fear for my future even more when I read posts like this. But I guess if they are like that you don’t want to date them anyways. That doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

kittybou
Reply to Daisy2023

Never lose hope! Something good will happen!  I know this!😸