Hi Vik, i also have a colostomy due to colorectal cancer, i had it constructed nearly 4 years ago now when i was 31 i am now 35, and if you don't mind so much, i'm gonna spend a bit of time waffling away for you lol.
I have just read your other post concerning your husbands frequent blockages, and in my opinion cannot be ruled out as one of the many underlying causes of your husbands insecurities, as is the complete overhaul of your lifestyles since your husbands radical surgery, and also his concern at how you cope with his current situation.
Under normal cirumstances most folks with a 5 year old colostomy should be predictable enough to be able to live your life around it, for example my main "poo" of the day generally happens sometime between 4-7 am, when i am asleep, and only at infrequent times do i have to change my pouch during the day, but this kinda depends on what i have been eating/drinking through the day.
I can imagine your husbands situation to be very different, as you mentioned that he has blockages 7-10 times a year, for a start this is an unusually high amount of blockages, and the underlying cause really must be diagnosed if you husband is to get back to any resemblence of normality. Blockages are an agonising experience, i have had a couple over the years and lass, i wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. The pain comes in waves and in my "male" opinion, it's the closest thing that we males will experience that comes anywhere near to childbirth lol.
As blockages occur a whole range of emarressing situations have a tendency to occur also, as before, after and during the blockage the bowel is simply trying to do it's normal thing but can't because it is being blocked by something from what i can gather from your posts, on a 6 weekly cycle.
Blockages can be occuring days or even weeks before you feel any pain, so your husbands guts probably feel like a rollercoaster pretty much all the time, can't be much fun for him. You really should push to get a proper diagnosis of the underlying cause.
Are you aware of any underlying diseases that would slow his transit time?, is he on any medications that have a tendency to lead to constipation?, is he eating balanced meals regularly, chewing properly and drinking plenty of fluids?, a common misconception is eat less, poo less, if your husband is doing this, then he really must change hs eating habits, regular well balanced meals under normal circumstances will over time lead to preditcable output. Avoiding foodstuffs such a vegetables and fiber that bulk up stool, is also in some ostomates skipped, as they try to have the stool solid enough in order to prevent leaks, i have come acroos this many times and is sooo not smart. If your husband is doing this, then have him stop it right away.
Another word that springs to mind is "adhesions", fiberous tissues that form after surgical operations can have a tendecy to attactch itself to other tissue, especially at anytime after bowel surgery, causing a narrowing of the bowel, leading high frequent bockages, when was the last time your husband had a scope?
Once the underlying problems of regular blockages is taken out of the equasion, you should start to see the quality of life improving for you and your husband. He is around the same age as i am and had his colostomy formed in his early 30's like i did, lass it was a huge knock to the system for me. Us blokes consider ourself still in our prime at that age, we have come through our 20's, generally know what we want out of life, and set the paving stones for that path. And then all of a sudden "wham!", the rug is pulled from under your feet, it feels like you are no longer in control of your life, you destiny, your vanity or anything else you have worked on over the last 30 years of your life. It is a daily kick in the nuts, and certainly not something to look forward to, when going to sleep at night.
But there are a few few things that help coushin the blow, i don't know how open your husband is, and how he deals with speaking about it with others that he respects/works with/socialises with. As you are fully aware us men are naturally competetive in nature no matter how subtle lol, and returning to ones place in the social ladder after such an operation is a frighting, daunting and at times a very nervewracking experience, and often breaks the best of us, it's the fear of regection and ridicule, and how others are thinking/talking about your situation whilst you are not around thats the real headf**k.
How i finally overcame those hurdles ( but by no means eradicated them), happened completely by accident, a while back i started a foundation for "us folk", and to raise money, i organised a climb of Ben Nevis and asked all the local shops/ businesses if i could pin up a sponser sheet in thier premises, they all agreed, and not before long i had lots of phone calls from people in my area wishing to join the climb/ give money and give lots of encouragement. I was blown away Vik, the past 2 1/2 years i had been battering my brain, trying to hide the fact that i had an ostomy from the rest of my village, only my family and a few close friends knew. When in actual fact nothing but respect showed in the actions of every one i knew and more so from people i had never met!.
Perhaps motivating your husband to take part in a sponsored event to raise money for a Cancer/ Ostomy group in your area may be the break through that he needs, that way he doesn't actually have to tell any one, they all know as they have read about it and are sponsoring him, lol. Your local Ostomy chapter may help you with this,
http://www.ostomytoronto.com/ .
Lasty and most importantly in my opinion, and please don't take this the wrong way. But i think judging by the way you wrote your post, your suffering + his suffering = that it really can't be that much fun for you at the moment.
I'm afraid i'm single so i can't ask my partner to come in and give you some encouragement, but prehaps a few of the other male ostomates wives could find the time, if willing, to appraoch you. If not on here, then through the Toronto Ostomy Chapter link i just gave you, i do know they have monthly meetings, social outings and support families as well as the ostomates themselves. I do recommend that you have a wee lookie at it.
If your husband would like to chat to some one that is in a similar situation then he is more than welcome, just ask and i'll p.m you my contact details.
Take care Vik.x
